A letter from the Dad I used to wish for [Confessional/Journal Entry]

A letter from the Father I need to the son I wish I was. 

     Son, I love you. I am proud of your journey, it has followed many curves and bends but you've done your best and that is a good thing. Do not be ashamed to try something and find it's not for you, but don't be too quick to judge, give things time to sink in. Your favorite pair of boots was as uncomfortable as any ever were until you wore them for a while. But if something isn't for you, fuck it. Change as gracefully and swiftly as you can. Son, don't waste time, you can get money back, you can get a position back, but you can't get time back. A thing is not bad because it ends, it's bad if it goes on longer than it should. Value people Son, be generous with your joy. 

     I know this is a dark and heavy time. I know your smile slides off your face as soon as you find yourself alone. I know your throat thickens up when you think about her. I know you're sick right now. I know you're getting used to a new job. I know you are scared about the future. But keep going anyways, what else is there to do? This is no mistake. You are being equipped to triumph in a way dramatically more glorious than ever before. So keep going goddammit. 

     Son don't wait to do what you love. Find a way to squeeze it in. Whether you speak to 3 people or 300, speak boy. You have loved to speak since you could make sounds with your mouth. Don't wait, do it now. Tomorrow it's your job to make a video of you telling the $7 left story, no matter what happens you will do it tomorrow.

     It's true that you gave a lot to this relationship and it looks like it's concluding. This is an opportunity for you to grow son. You learned a lot, invest in equal amount to the other person. Diversify your focus. Live by your principles over impulse. But take the time to do that reflection when you have a bit of space from the emotional wounding. For now, stop trying to fix yourself and allow yourself to heal. 

     I love you son, 

     Dad

     That is the letter I wish my dad would right me, but I took custody of my inner child back and wrote it to myself.

I know this whole thing may make very little sense to anyone who isn't me. But I figured someone may dig a line or two so I decided to share this. Love you all!