Memoirs: Moving to Spokane or When every day is a season finale
This is it I thought, I had finally found my way to freedom, to live in the city and be away from my family. Actually my friend Eddie had found it for me. He just moved to Spokane a few weeks before and had started working as a life insurance agent. A few days after I quit the furniture store I decided to do some fun things with my savings before launching back into my work. One of those things was visiting Eddie. I went to relax and have fun, but he convinced me to come into work one day with him and meet his boss. He was certain I would love it and I was certain I didn't feel like doing interviews on my mini vacation. However he won out and I went with him, I was in the market for a job after all. When I met his boss Brandon I was certain I wanted it, I went through their orientation and interview process the same day. During the orientation presentation I bought the dreams they sold on their shiny slides, and soon forgot about my hopes of finding my purpose and other aspirations for growth. I wanted to make $100,000 in a year now, that was that.
I left Spokane on May 17, I told Brandon in our final conversation that I would be back with my insurance license on June 1st. I gave myself 2 weeks to get everything sorted for the move, do 40 hours of study and take a test, find a place to live, and schedule some last minute meals with the various members of the family who wanted to see me before I went. This was a big step for a boy of 19. I studied for entire days and passed my test in 10 days, this was no easy feat. Life insurance is not exactly the most compelling subject, about as dull as a broken pencil in fact. But I kept at it and it done in plenty of time. I was left with a mere four days to gather the needed supplies for my move and meet with the family members. As soon as my time became scarce everybody wanted it. I did my best to carve out the requisite time to appease everyone, this was actually pretty difficult for me because, well to be frank, there are a lot of people who feel a lot closer to me than I do to them. I will refrain from pointing out whom I feel this way about any specificity because I don't want to cause needless hurt. Nevertheless I carved out the time anyways, just like a good people pleaser does. I cared so much what everyone thought back then. It wasn't until the pain of trying to keep everyone happy with me became so intense that I began to question such a way of living. I began to realize that my life isn't bound to the expectations of anyone.
Anyways June 1st was drawing near and I still didn't have a place to live in Spokane. In fact I didn't even start looking until 2 days before I was moving. But I was lucky to find a place, the first result on a Craigslist search. I was able convince the landlord over the phone to let a 19 year old from across the state with no references and no current employment to move in tomorrow. At the time I attributed it to my legendary salesmanship, but I later learned it had everything to do with his incredibly low standards. I had 5 roommates and 3 rules, No drinking, no drugs, and no women overnight. The first two didn't phase me a bit, but I would bitterly contend with the last for the entirety of my stay there. I never could've conceived the magnitude of bizarreness in which my house mates lived, but I was soon to experience it first hand.
Finally, the day came. I was a bundle of nerves and elation. There were so many unknowns to consider, but with to divine from contemplation I fell back to curious expectation. Occasionally it devolved into outright panic, but I overall I held myself together. Fuck the details, this is an adventure, I'll figure it out. Perhaps that is the anthem of my life. Fuck the details, I'll just figure it out. My life has almost always been exciting for that reason. I absolutely need some sort of newness in my life or I get bored and start lighting fires just to stay busy. If there is no potential for everything to explode then I'm pretty disengaged. My life can feel like a series of season Finales for that reason. Sometimes I create too much drama and get overwhelmed, I walk a thin line. We all walk a thin line of our own.
When I got to Spokane I was quickly swept away by the various obligations and opportunities I was thrown. It was wonderful to finally be free of living with my family, I was really starting to get cabin fever. I was spreading my wings and all the other cliches.
It's amazing how quickly a million little things become reality when you move out. Like dinner and laundry, I wasn't responsible for those things before but if I didn't want to be starving while I walk around in rotting clothes then it was time to figure it out. So I bought enough clothes to go ten days without washing them and I cooked enough food to go five days without using my oven. The learning curve for rice and beans was pretty steep, 5 solid days of eating crunchy rice and chewy beans served as a strong motivation to get my shit together.
My savings dwindled rapidly, I wasn't making any money but rent was still due and my cell phone still cost and I still got hungry. The job was purely commission and I was still in training. This was my first real stress, and I lived simply to stretch my dollars. But the thing about water in the desert is that regardless of much you bring or how rigorously you ration, eventually you run out. I was running out.
Hello Steemit! My name is Jonathan Turnick
I am a writer and poet based in the Pacific Northwest of the United States
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