Memoirs: Two fake British girls and a Real Russian, No Ice...
I remember walking through the park in Spokane during the Pokemon Go craze. I was wandering around when I heard two girls speaking with British accents. I was quite intrigued and ran up to meet them. I didn't realize there was two guys with them as well but this worked out in my favor.
I introduced myself to Adeline and Rose, having found out they had just met the guys a bit before I was quite happy to find Adeline was single. A lovely girl with dark hair, dark eyes, and glasses that looked like they were made for her. I was still a sad little virgin at the time and I was hoping to drop that status ASAP.
There is a long way to tell this short story but for the sake of time, I'll keep it as brief, sorta. They ended up dropping the accents and I found out they were just from Spokane. That was a laugh. Anyways a few days later I called Adeline to come with me on a midnight candy run to Winco, shockingly enough she agreed to come. We grabbed some miscellaneous candy for plausible deniability and were back in my car kissing in the cramped little Neon across a console digging pleasantly into my ribs. Soon she asked how close I lived.
This was a great thing but there was one problem, Rule number three and roommate number five. No women over night, and that little snitch Carl. So I convinced her to sneak across my front lawn and then hop down into the window well of my basement bedroom. If this wasn't bad enough she then entered my room. She crawled through the black trashbags that were serving as curtains, she looked across the room and saw clothes scattered about, a machete sitting on a shelf from a recent camping trip, books and papers strewn about,and worst of all, not a bed but a mat. It was a very bachelor landscape.
Not for my sake, but for everyone else involved we had a lovely time together. I will share this tid bit, cut out the compulsive masturbation, it makes your dick insensitive and it is difficult to cum. Also porn desensitizes you to real stimulus, not worth the pixels. I'm not moralizing here either, this is all in an effort to make sex with someone you just met better. To be frank, no girl wants to give a 30 minute blow job.
Anyways to due to the whole mat situation I did not lose my virginity that night. she slept over on the floor next to me and that was nice, just to curl up and talk about life till we passed out. I jerked violently awake at 7 a.m., realizing I had to be to work at 7:30. I drove about 60 miles an hour through my neighborhood and got her home and to work on time by some act of god. As soon as I got home from work that day I went out back, dusted all the sawdust off a mattress and boxspring that had been leaning against the house, through a sheet over them and called it good.
I called her and picked her up again and that was the night I lost my virginity. And that was the morning I woke up feeling like exactly the same guy. Turns out we change by process, not event.
We ended up in this unofficial friends with benefits type scenario. This would've been fine if I hadn't been an insecure kid with an extreme need for affirmation. Adeline was a great girl but assuring a needy boy wasn't something she wanted to do, I can't blame her, we all get a certain amount of time here and no one should spend it doing anything they don't want to do. I try to give people the same freedom I desire. So I ended up pushing her away with a combination of insecurity and being very much less than myself due to the massive work load I was under.
I remember when the information that it was over was in front of me, and I remember when I finally recognized it. That is a painful gap to live in, everyone just waiting for you to get it. We went out at a group with Adeline's friend rose and her boyfriend. The whole night was spent cutting me off, making sarcastic meta commentary on the things I said, and just flat out ignoring me. But I don't blame her, she was probably still figuring out that she didn't like me anymore as well as trying to figure out how the hell to tell me. I drove home that night knowing something was very much wrong and I actually cried in my car for a bit before I walked in to my house. That was a low moment for me.
Then it came, not a bang, not a whimper, but an idle swatting at a fly. Idly getting rid of some annoyance. The swinging hand came via Snapchat. I remember sitting in a coffee shop, making all the booking calls for work next day. I had five appointments fall off, that had never happened to me before. So that got me teetering, then my phone lit up. A message from Adeline, perfect! I needed something to get me in a better mood. "Hey, it was fun. But I need to focus on school, so we're done." Oh. Yeah, I get it. I understand. I'm not mad. Fuck.
That stung. Up to that point I had felt like the prize, young, fit, making good money. That brought to my attention that I was insecure, needy, impatient, and not a phenomenal listener. So the glass house was shattered and I was placed neatly next to the trash can to be picked up the next morning. My only companion was a free mattress. Which was nice because it was softer than mine.
I left the coffee shop dejected, unthinkingly hopping into my car and driving towards downtown. I drifted like a piece of trash in the wind down the street and up to a table of a coffee shop. I spread my laptop and writing tools like surgical instruments and began sifting through the rubble. What did I do wrong? I beat myself against that self defeating question until it came to a head. I sent Adeline a message, "You'll never be more honest with me than right now. What is one thing you see in me that I should never change, and what is one thing I need to work on?" This is one scary fucking question to ask. This was peeling back my ribs one more time and saying do it. She told me, "Never compromise your desire for success, but you need to learn to listen to people better." Ouch, yep. Right on the money. I thanked her and I said I would take that heart. I have, it hasn't been easy but I've grown a lot from her words.
So there I was in another coffee shop, writing out my heart and cataloging the fresh cuts. Doing my best to sort things out without beating myself up further, it's a cleaning the dirt out of a wound.
While I was grumpily writing my thoughts on a table that was pitching back and forth with the pounding of my heavy handed typing, two lovely women walked in to the crowded shop. One of them was truly stunning, her silky brown hair juxtaposed her crystalline blue eyes, her gaze spoke of the fire behind them. She was the sort of girl who could look you in the eyes and make you forget your own name. I always having something to say, but she can send me on a word search.
They ordered and sat at a table across the shop from me, seeing they were deeply engrossed in conversation I decided it was the perfect time to introduce myself. "How are you two doing?" I bellowed over the din of the shop without getting up from my table. Surprisingly enough they responded warmly, feeling awkward at the fact we were shouting out banter across the place they came and sat down with me.
Alexandra and Raisa. Alexandra, the one I described a moment ago, asked me, "What've you been up to this evening?" I laughed, "Do you really want to know?" So I told them the whole tale, right up to the moment we were in. They kindly expressed their sympathy, and then we launched into a great conversation. We danced verbal circles through topics ranging from Buddhism to Physics, Alexandra has an incredibly sharp mind and I found it so engaging to speak with her. She is a lovely girl, but her beauty is honestly the least interesting thing about her. I love people with depth. Unfortunately depth tends to come from pain forcing us to go deeper.
As it turned out they were in need of a ride and I had a ride to give. So I offered to take them back home. This made them leery, reasonably so, so I resolved to be the least creepy person I could and through my effort likely accomplished the opposite. We walked to my car, a sight to be seen, littered with paperwork and signs of neglect. I quickly gathered the tidal pools of paper gathering in the various crannies and made room for everyone to sit down. We continue our conversation during the drive, at some point Alexandra whipped out her phone, pointed it at me and said to say something compelling. I'm certain I did. It felt like a shame to arrive, I wanted that conversation to stretch on. I made a point to go the speed limit for the first time in my life. She asked me questions about my life and philosophy, I just felt free to be completely honest with her. A wonderful freedom indeed.
I can attribute the deep connections I have with people to many things, but one of the foremost is a simple phrase: Lead with your rough edges. It's the sharp, jagged, and broken parts of us that give people something to connect to. When you're real you automatically give others permission to do the same. This came from a realization I had, I would rather be loved or hated, but never tolerated.
The names are changed but the story is unaltered. For more of my wild misadventures be sure to follow. I am doing my best to write a chapter of my memoirs every day in January, with the end goal to create a small book of my life and times thus far. Thank you for reading, I would love to hear your thoughts.
And for anyone who knows or maybe even loves me, I am sorry if these things hurt you. But I can't be anything less than real. I love you and I hope you understand.
Hello Steemit! My name is Jonathan Turnick
I am a writer and poet based in the Pacific Northwest of the United States
This is the place to access all of my work, I post my latest and greatest here first! I love sharing with the vibrant community here!
Here is a picture so you can put a face to the name, don't judge my highly contrived selfie too much!
