What happened to real friends?
I heard somewhere that people will only ever have 5 real friends in a lifetime. I honestly don't know how true that is, but I know most people today probably wouldn't believe that at all, especially with social media the way it is. However now that I really think about it there might actually be something to that! I can honestly only count a few people in my life so far that would really fit the description of being a "true friend" but to be completely honest we have since taken our own paths and rarely talk now.
I never had any problems making friends. I was decently popular as a child, also in the military and college so I find it odd that I am 35 years old and don't really have any friends anymore. It's not that I am hard to get along with, quite the opposite really, I just have a habit of being honest and apparently that's not a quality people are interested in for friendship now-a-days. LoL. Sure I have many people in my life that think they are my friends, but they sure don't act like a real friend.
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It seems like "friends" these days never give you their true opinion, they only tell you what you want to hear. They only say nice things or agree with you because they don't want to argue or "seem like a bad friend" for having different opinions. But isn't that what friends are for? Aren't they suppose to be the ones who tell you when you are doing something stupid, or to show you a different way, or explain why you are wrong? Not anymore, friends today SUCK! They always have your back, even if you are being or doing something stupid. That is a terrible friend if you ask me!
What happened to honesty? What happened to telling people how you truly feel? Isn't that what friendship is supposed to be based on? Why is it that when I tell my friends the truth they get mad at me? Isn't there a saying "the truth shall set you free"? Well free of friends is all that honesty has gotten me lately. lol. But I am ok with that, I am tired of lying or biting my tongue about the truth to make other people feel better.
I know I have a much different view on life than most but I don't think i should have to sit there and listen to pointless conversation while I smile and nod, even though I don't care about any of it. I would rather be explaining how the the world really works, but they don't like hearing hard truths. I know they think I am crazy, but won't say it. lol. I wish they would, at least they would be honest with me then.
I don't think I'm asking for to much, I just want a real conversation instead of talking about what happened on the big bang theory or game of thrones! Is that to much to ask for? Why are real conversations so hard?
I don't mind being wrong. I don't even mind that people don't agree with me, I just mind that no one wants to know the truth about anything anymore. Am I the only one who sees that everything is so fake these days? Even conversations and friendships?
I promise am not the type of person to shove my opinions down peoples throats by any means. However, I am always open for a good honest conversation and nobody seems to be interested in that anymore. Its so annoying that my conversations get shut down constantly with sayings like "to each is their own" or "agree to disagree" and then proceeded by useless conversations. Usually complaining is a huge topic or things that literally don't matter at all (like tv shows). I feel like I am loosing my mind trying to help people who don't even want to help themselves.
Luckily enough I have found steemit now, it has truly been a blessing to me. I have found so many like minded people who are willing to talk about the truth that it actually blows my mind. It is a great change of pace from "reality" LoL. Steemit is seriously the closest thing to real friendships I have had in quite a while!
Anyhow, I was just wondering if I am the only one who feels this way? Or if I'm just a crazy hippie who is loosing his mind!? Either way its been eating at me for sometime now so i had to put my thoughts out there to people that would actually listen! Rant over
They don't make friends like they used to. And if you are looking for an honest opinion, they are hard to come by. Unless of course it comes with a few hundred thumbs up on FB or gets attention on TW.
I am just like you, prefer to just skip the bs and get to the point, sorry if it sux to hear the truth. LOL Have a great night.
A shitty truth beats a nice lie any day of the week in my book ;) lol, thanks for the comment!
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I hear ya!
I recently lost most of my friends and family because I decided it wasn't acceptable to have fake relationships, and started saying what I thought and inviting open dialogue. I was completely shocked how unwilling people are to actually talk, share, try to learn with one another and come to new understanding. I suspect people are clinging desperately to their current beliefs and aren't prepared to let go.
I've decided it doesn't matter if I don't meet anybody who can actually talk real, I'm going to do it anyways. I figure that's how I'm gonna find the ones that can anyway.
I agree, life is too short to do anything different
fuck man, you nailed it! I am definitely on the same page as you!
I gotta follow you now. lol. :)
Thanks for the awesome comment bro!
Thanks for the awesome post bro!
Feel free to rant as much as you like. I don't want to discourage anyone I meet on Steemit but if I don't like something I usually don't say anything at all. This might have come from living in Korea for 20 years. The friend thing is totally different here. Although the same age friend and same school and same hometown are very important there is something more important in Korea. It is called "Jung." At first there is no jung so people may appear cold or disinterested but after a while there is a bond between you. This is jung.
Jung happened between you and me the moment you ranted at me for making excuses not to record. You should see the result of your ranting. Not only did we become writing friends but I am learning how to use Audacity and make better sounds.
There is one step more than jung and this is Han. The han is a strong feeling you get when you suffer together. You can here this in traditional Korean music.
Friends are not the kids we fought with in middle school or drank with in high school. Those were people that we grew up with and influenced our lives. A real friend comes when you become a friend and that is what you are doing.
We learn when we see an example. As long as you are the example of the friend you want to be then you will have five good friends. Even one of them are more precious than gold.
Wow, that is crazy how different this world can be. Thanks for the breakdown, I love learning stuff like that.. You know I have heard that asian people are a bit cold when you first meet them, now I understand why. I like their theory, sounds like friendship there is a lil more real than here.
There is a saying a man of many friends will come to a ruin but one will stick closer than a brother.
That is a great saying.. im gonna have to remember that :)
Nice Rant. I totally get it.
I’m kind of like that too. My honesty has gotten me in trouble throughout my life and I’ve been accused of having “no tact”. I have since learned to sugar coat my honesty. Especially at work. LOL. People don’t hate me, but I definitely don’t have a reputation for being “nice”. I absolutely hate small talk. It’s all so fake. Ugg, I can’t stand fake people. I also think most people are afraid of confrontation and try to avoid the messy truth. Because a healthy debate that doesn’t esculate Into something more is hard to come by these days. I’m the type of person that, if I can’t say what’s on my mind, it eats me up inside. Even if it’s not a popular opinion or belief.
I have a few real friends, who know me really well and it’ll probably be the same few for life. I’m cool with that. My family is my life though. I could not live without them.
You and I are definitely on the same page! Lol. I think its sad that people cant have a good debate without someone flying off the handle. I cant stand small talk or fake conversations either, i feel like it is just a waste of time..
I agree with everything u said here to be honest.. u really nailed it with this comment! Lol..
You my friend, have a new follower! Keep the awesome comments coming. 😉
Thanks. You know what they say, “Great minds think alike.” :)
Good friends are hard to come by, too often these days we find these fake friends that smile to our face and talk about us behind our back, I've had only a few close friends that have made it through the years, I make zero effort to keep fake friends around unlike most people but personally i'd rather have a few really close friends than lots of fake friends.
Exactly!! I am in the same boat my friend!
I know what you mean. A true friend will understand why you are being honest and may be annoyed at first but will appreciate it and still be your friend.
I can't be doing with wasted conversation sometimes but a spark has to start somewhere to open a communication channel to introduce a broader discussion.
Steemit is such a great platform for making friends.
I also have very few friends that i'd class as close of true friends nor do i see some of them very often but I know we'd equally be there for each other etc.
I have not used facebook for about 4 years. Since then, I need not reply any meaningless message anymore. Particularly, I hate the birthday reminder function.
Lol, right! I barely celebrate my own birthday, why the fuck do i care about someone elses birthday!
I know what you mean - people have such fragile egos. Though I'm not sure if it's any different from the way it used to be in that respect. People get so worked up about political differences. Luckily I have some good friends who will argue and strongly disagree with me on certain things, but are still happy to laugh with me five minutes later.
There are certain topics I would avoid discussing with them though, because I think a friend should try to make you feel good about yourself. For example, one friend who recently got a new job, put me in touch with her new boss, who was looking for someone to do a bit of freelance work. The boss asked me to provide some unpaid sample work which turned out to be more complicated than I'd first expected, and I did it really because I didn't want to let my friend down.
After putting a lot of effort into it, and submitting it, I heard nothing more from this boss - not even a "thanks for your submission". I thought this was very rude and possibly an indication of someone who's quite disorganised and takes from people without giving back. But I decided not to say anything about it to my friend, because she's already given up a secure job to work for this new person; there's no going back now - why would I want to say something that might make her worried and insecure about her new job? If she asks me what I think of her new boss, I will tell her that I have my reservations based on what happened, but only if she really wants to know because she has doubts herself. I think friends should try to make each other feel good as much as possible.
I get what u are saying and i dont think u should be rude or negative about what u say, just completely honest. I promise it is ok for friends not to agree on everything. Just because u think her boss is a dick because how he treated u doesnt mean she has to agree (or maybe she does agree and now u will never know)..
And i personally think if it does come up u should tell her the truth, that u didnt appreciate the way her boss handled that situation, its not like u (or her) did anything wrong, you are just saying how u feel! Why is that wrong these days?
And why does ur opinion hurt anyones feelings? Yeah, she tried to help u out and it didnt work out, no big deal. Thats life. Nothing to be angry about or feel blamed for. Things dont work out all the time, its not anyones fault.
Running from the truth solves nothing, but lies ruin lives..
Your story is actually a good example of what i mean.. If u have to lie to ur friend to make her feel better or to keep her from getting mad or hurt, than are u really a friend at all? If u cant even say whats honestly on ur mind then why even have that person in ur life? Because at that point everything is fake and its all a lie..
I use to be that same way, so i understand why u think that way, i just cant keep lying to myself and others.. id rather just hang out with my dogs! Lol..
I wouldn't lie to her though - I'd just prefer not to bring the subject up unless she asks. If she brings it up, I will definintely tell the truth. In fact, we had a massive fall-out about a year ago, because I felt she was making a lot of undermining comments towards me. She wasn't in a happy place at the time. When I politely called her out on this, she hit the roof, and we stopped talking for about five months. Eventually she apologised, and we made it up. There are no more undermining comments and our friendship is stronger.
A similar process happened with another friend several years ago over a different issue, although in that case we just had a massive row, and after that our friendship was much stronger. She had a tendency to emotional blackmail and was accusing me of not always answering the phone to her - which was true, as she loved to talk for hours on the phone, several nights a week, and I didn't have time for that. I told her very firmly that if she wanted to stay friends with me she would have to accept that, or we could say goodbye right away. Our friendship became much more adult, rational and stronger from that moment on - but I noticed that the emotional blackmail continued in her relationships with other mutual friends, because they would tell me this. They didn't discuss the issue squarely with her. Sometimes you have to say a few home truths to improve a friendship, but it can make things unpleasant for a while.
Yup, very thought-provoking post!