RE: What happened to real friends?
I know what you mean - people have such fragile egos. Though I'm not sure if it's any different from the way it used to be in that respect. People get so worked up about political differences. Luckily I have some good friends who will argue and strongly disagree with me on certain things, but are still happy to laugh with me five minutes later.
There are certain topics I would avoid discussing with them though, because I think a friend should try to make you feel good about yourself. For example, one friend who recently got a new job, put me in touch with her new boss, who was looking for someone to do a bit of freelance work. The boss asked me to provide some unpaid sample work which turned out to be more complicated than I'd first expected, and I did it really because I didn't want to let my friend down.
After putting a lot of effort into it, and submitting it, I heard nothing more from this boss - not even a "thanks for your submission". I thought this was very rude and possibly an indication of someone who's quite disorganised and takes from people without giving back. But I decided not to say anything about it to my friend, because she's already given up a secure job to work for this new person; there's no going back now - why would I want to say something that might make her worried and insecure about her new job? If she asks me what I think of her new boss, I will tell her that I have my reservations based on what happened, but only if she really wants to know because she has doubts herself. I think friends should try to make each other feel good as much as possible.
I get what u are saying and i dont think u should be rude or negative about what u say, just completely honest. I promise it is ok for friends not to agree on everything. Just because u think her boss is a dick because how he treated u doesnt mean she has to agree (or maybe she does agree and now u will never know)..
And i personally think if it does come up u should tell her the truth, that u didnt appreciate the way her boss handled that situation, its not like u (or her) did anything wrong, you are just saying how u feel! Why is that wrong these days?
And why does ur opinion hurt anyones feelings? Yeah, she tried to help u out and it didnt work out, no big deal. Thats life. Nothing to be angry about or feel blamed for. Things dont work out all the time, its not anyones fault.
Running from the truth solves nothing, but lies ruin lives..
Your story is actually a good example of what i mean.. If u have to lie to ur friend to make her feel better or to keep her from getting mad or hurt, than are u really a friend at all? If u cant even say whats honestly on ur mind then why even have that person in ur life? Because at that point everything is fake and its all a lie..
I use to be that same way, so i understand why u think that way, i just cant keep lying to myself and others.. id rather just hang out with my dogs! Lol..
I wouldn't lie to her though - I'd just prefer not to bring the subject up unless she asks. If she brings it up, I will definintely tell the truth. In fact, we had a massive fall-out about a year ago, because I felt she was making a lot of undermining comments towards me. She wasn't in a happy place at the time. When I politely called her out on this, she hit the roof, and we stopped talking for about five months. Eventually she apologised, and we made it up. There are no more undermining comments and our friendship is stronger.
A similar process happened with another friend several years ago over a different issue, although in that case we just had a massive row, and after that our friendship was much stronger. She had a tendency to emotional blackmail and was accusing me of not always answering the phone to her - which was true, as she loved to talk for hours on the phone, several nights a week, and I didn't have time for that. I told her very firmly that if she wanted to stay friends with me she would have to accept that, or we could say goodbye right away. Our friendship became much more adult, rational and stronger from that moment on - but I noticed that the emotional blackmail continued in her relationships with other mutual friends, because they would tell me this. They didn't discuss the issue squarely with her. Sometimes you have to say a few home truths to improve a friendship, but it can make things unpleasant for a while.
Yup, very thought-provoking post!