Finding myself again

in story •  4 months ago


When I first started steemit I was much different than I am now. I was a dreamer, I was truly happy, I was constantly motivated to make each day the best day I possibly could. I miss that me.

As many of you know to follow my dreams I sold my house and nearly all of my possessions to move to a different country. Things didn't work out the way I had anticipated and when I returned back to the states I was crushed, I lost sight of who I was and I was completely miserable.

This past 6 months has been a long road trying to piece my shattered life back together. Living in hotels for more than 3 months really took its toll on my mental health but I am finally into a new home and have started building a more positive life again.

I am sure many of you know things like depression, anxiety, stress and feeling hopeless don't just turn off one day, you have to work at it everyday. It's almost like climbing a mountain, when you look at it from the bottom it seems impossible, but the only way to change it is one step at a time.

First you have to start by changing yourself because if you don't nothing around you will ever change. How do you do that you do that? I would imagine it is different for everyone but for me it starts with a walk every morning. A walk is a simple task, but once completed I feel good about myself. Sure a 4 mile walk with the dogs is nothing to brag about, but it does give me time to think, time to enjoy nature and it kicks off my day in the right direction because I complete a goal first thing every morning.


I consider this campaign of self improvement like building a home. My walk is my foundation, I reinforce that foundation every day when I choose to take that walk instead of feeling sorry for myself or coming up with an excuse to not do anything positive. Next I started doing a light work out that I add a little bit to weekly and slowly that made me feel stronger, I consider that to be the walls of my home. When I feel stronger it makes me want to be healthier so I started eating organic food again. The building is slowly coming together one piece at a time.

Once you start treating your body right you will get a snowball affect. For me that meant I stopped drinking when I felt depressed and would do something more positive because lets face it, drinking only makes you feel worse regardless of what you want to tell yourself. How could I possibly continue to "treat my body like a temple" if I was poisoning it daily with alcohol?

Now I am adding to my schedule often, building the roof and working on the inside of my home. I recently started meditating again and I am also adding in a 2-3 mile run a few times a week, slowly but surely I am finally starting to feel like the old me again. Every day I am feeling less depressed and anxious about life and starting to smile and enjoy it more. Everyday I am letting go of the anger that had built up inside and remembering that I am the only one who gets to control how I feel not anyone else. I am slowly starting to remember that I have to change myself if I want my situation to change, not the other way around.

Self building is hard, but no one can do it for you but you. Change is hard, but living a stressful, depressed, unhappy life is so much harder than just changing yourself for the better. Things don't turn around fast, but they will never turn around if you don't take the initiative to change yourself.

So this is me promising myself that I will continue to work hard everyday on changing my attitude and how I see things so I can be the happy go lucky hippie that everyone loved, myself included.

"Peace, Love and all that hippie shit"

The STEEM Engine


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I am encouraged by your determination. I need to start building a stronger physical foundation. I make excuses that I need my sleep more, but a nice walk in the morning would do me some good.

I know how hard it is to adjust back to life in the States. My family and I did so after living overseas for almost 12 years.


My dad always said "excuses are like assholes, we all got them and they all stink".. LoL.. Honestly tho, we all fall into spurts of depression where sleep seems like the only viable answer, but that is not true at all! A short walk every morning will make u feel so much better after, and after a few weeks u will want to take longer and longer ones.. Starting the day off right will improve ur entire day.. 😎

I miss that me.

I miss the person I used to be, too. I miss her so much. Maybe this is another topic I can use for a blog post.

This was an excellent piece. Truly fine. (Which, I guess, is a fancy way of saying "Great post.")


You should definitely use it for a blog post. I think these kind of posts are contagious, in a good way. When we can admit our faults and show how to improve ourselves other people are more likely to follow suit. If we could all be a little more honest with ourselves instead of always placing blame on things around us, this world could be a much better place..

I am glad you enjoyed the article, that truly means a lot to me because I know how many articles you read daily and your not just saying it to make me feel better.. ;)

Thanks a lot for this post, @moderndayhippie.
There is nothing in this post I didn't know already, but still it was a real eye-opener.

you even managed to makd me cry, because what you say is so true, and I can completely relate to what you are saying.

For me too, it is time to find myself again, one step at a time. Nothing is going to change if I keep lying on my bed all day, feeling sorry for myself and using sleep to escape from reality.

For my back problems to get better, I need to take several walks a day. Yet, I keep finding excuses not to. But from now on, I'm going to try to change my ways (I say 'try', because Rome wasn't built in a day, right?!).
I'll be bookmarking this post and use it as a reminder for when I'm drowning in self-pity again; after all, my life and what I do with it is my own responsibility.
I'll get started... after my next nap. 😉


I am so happy that this post is helping other people. I wrote it because I needed to remind myself about some of this stuff, I never realized how many people were in the exact same position in life that I am.. Sometimes we all need a wake up call and I am glad I can inspire you to try to work on yourself too..
I too am guilty of trying to sleep away pain and depression but it has never made me feel better, it just passes time and things compound. I have back pain too, scoliosis since i was a child and now compressed and slipped discs thanks to my time in the military.. I don't know what yours are but walking, stretching, yoga and strengthening my core have been the only things to help it feel better and it takes time and effort daily.
If you ever want someone to talk to (about anything at all) feel free to DM me and I would love to chat.. I think you have a beautiful soul and I know we would get along great..
Take care of urself and thanks for the awesome comment.. :)

So true: it is all about taking those first steps.
I also try to make time to do exercise every day, and a fit body does have a very noticeable effect on mental health, and diet has a noticeable effect on energy levels and mental positivity.
Sorry to hear that you have had a rough year: I'm going through the roughest year of my life right now, but doing everything I can to stay positive and productive.
We each have one life, and owe it to ourselves to make the best of it.


I know how you feel.. Just don't let the negativity get the best of you.. when you want to be depressed and sleep, go for a walk, or work out, or read a positive book or listen to motivational speeches! I know it sounds dumb but it really has helped me this past few months and I wish I never stopped doing those things in the first place.. if you ever need anyone to talk to hit me up on discord... moderndayhippie#6053

Resteemed by @resteembot! Good Luck!
Check @resteembot's introduction post or the other great posts I already resteemed.

Good to hear that you are getting back on track,hang in there man, I am sure as you continue doing this, it will create somewhat of a snowball effect as pointed out by you and before you know it, you will snowball all the way towards something better.


Thanks for the positive support, it really helps to push me to continue working on myself.. And you are right, it will turn into something so much better 😊

Thank you for your continued support of SteemSilverGold

Hey Hippie,
There are plenty of "homeless" people people who could use your house plans and start building today. Thanks for sharing them with us, I might just add an addition to my own house using your plans.
Thanks buddy, and glad to know the walls are up and the roof is on. The interior is the time consuming part so don't give up.


Hey papper, glad u enjoyed the post.. you are right, the most work does go into the interior, especially the small details that make it beautiful. That is why I am taking my time and doing it right instead of just rushimg my way thru it.. I hope this post helps to inspire more people to work on their homes 😀

Glad to hear you're on the right track my friend. Small steps!!

Thanks for introducing me to @actifit too, I'm really enjoying how simple it ys to use. Any idea when/how the tokens will be released?


Me too my friend.. me too..

I am glad you are enjoying actifit, I love it too, such a great idea.. They are working on releasing the AFIT tokens on the etherium network (as a ERC20 token) until steemit releases SMT protocol and then they will swap them over to the steem network. I don't know any dates as of now but I will ask around a bit because that is a great question.. I do know it is one of their top priorities other than getting the IOS app up and running which should be by the end of this month..


As @moderndayhippie mentioned, Actifit are planned as ERC20 tokens, and a perfect scenario would be releasing the tokens once SMTs are properly launched via Steemit inc without a need for an actual swap.
We are hence waiting for further updates from Steemit Inc, and will keep everyone posted on the final course of action .. direct SMT release, or ERC20 followed by SMT swap.

well good sir

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I was going to contact steem cleaners after i got this message but i wasn't off work yet.. i am so glad that you have already been warning people about this.. thank u!


You're welcome.

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Thank you! I keep forgetting to use this amazing tag!

I am glad that you found a place of your own where you can grow and heal.
Very glad I found your blog I need positivity and determination in my life!

Favourite part:

Self building is hard, but no one can do it for you but you. Change is hard, but living a stressful, depressed, unhappy life is so much harder than just changing yourself for the better. Things don't turn around fast, but they will never turn around if you don't take the initiative to change yourself.

So agree. Changing directions is hard. Really liked this post.

I assume you’ll be entering @rakkasan84 ‘s bring sexy back Veteran contest. You’ve already gotten the mileage done, so no need to get on the treadmill... 😉


I hadnt heard of this challenge but Im definitely gonna check it out now! Thanks for telling me about it..

Congratulations! This post has been chosen as one of the daily Whistle Stops for The STEEM Engine!

You can see your post's place along the track here: The Daily Whistle Stops, Issue 221 (8/09/18)

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Hey @moderndayhippie, what an awesome post, you are doing what many of us should be doing in our everyday lives! I love how you made the analogy with building a home, it is so very true. This post belongs in a self-help book, very well done on taking charge of your well being!


oh wow, thanks for the awesome compliment! I am happy that people are enjoying this post so much.. Its not easy to admit that I am not doing as well as I once was, but the only way to improve myself is honesty and I think this also encourages other people to be honest with themselves as well.. :)

It takes a strong will, discipline and determination to work on self. I see you are already on the good path. By being aware and trying to improve you are already two steps ahead of where you were at your return from abroad. Physical work, exercise and meditation help as well. Keep going and Steem on!


two steps ahead yes, but many more to go ;) but as long as I keep stepping in the right direction I will eventually get there.. Rome wasn't built in a day. Thanks for the great comment.

Good luck! You can do it. You've come so far. One step at the time. Many blessings!

I think to do all this one must feel that life is worth living first