Children and gratitude

Children are not born to be grateful to their parents. Those who expect this will most likely be disappointed. The tasks that parents face are exhausting and mean abandonment - but they have chosen this life and can not expect the (small) child to reward it.

Every parent sometimes feels like giving the child much more than it gives back. Where is the gratefulness for the care, the attention and the opportunities opened to the child, the support that is offered to him? At first glance, gratitude does not seem to be far away. That a child returns nothing, however, is a big mistake.

What do we expect from the child?

The fewer expectations you have of a child, the more relaxed living together and education. Children are individual beings that grow and develop - often not the way you would want them to be. The unfulfilled expectations of parenthood often include the need to get gratitude and appreciation from the child; after all, much is left out to enable him to have a happy and carefree childhood.

But how was she supposed to look, this gratitude?

A heartfelt thank you for all the effort that parenting provides? This is impossible, because children, especially when they are little, do not have an overview of what their parents do.
Unobtrusive, "good" behavior, because the parents anyway have so much work and you should not make it harder for them as a child? Even that is not anchored in the thinking and feeling of a young child and would also slow it down significantly in its free development.
Helping in the household out of gratitude? Since a child has no awareness that it should be grateful, it does not come up with the idea of ​​showing his gratitude. It helps because it feels like it or because it sees (from a certain age at least) that help is needed.
Children live when they are little, in the here and now and after the pleasure principle. This excludes the reflection of the past. Children do not consciously remember what they have done, they lack the knowledge that it is an effort. And looking at it from the child's point of view, your caring and caring gives him the feeling of being loved - and that's the right thing to do, it's not something to be grateful for.

Are children really ungrateful?

Most parents would answer this question with a clear yes. But is that really true? What about the picture that your three-year-old paints you - he certainly does not give it to you, because he wants to show how great he already paints, but because he wants to give you something and show his love. That too is gratitude. Children can be ungrateful and like - but they can also express appreciation, gratitude and love in their own frame and do that day by day. We just have to see it and perceive it. The signs of gratitude change with the age of the child. And at some point, maybe at the Abi Ball, maybe much later, the child will get their thanks when they learn from you what gratitude is and how to show it.

This is how your child learns the gratitude

Children learn by copying. You are the role model, you learn to feel gratitude and to express it. It is not enough if you point out to your child that it has to say thank you if it gets something or tell it how lucky it is that it has such a good and caring father. So a person does not learn gratitude. Rather, you should

• Even express your gratitude. To her child: "I am so happy that there is you in my life!",
  But also be grateful for other things: "Is not it great that it's such wonderful weather today on our day out!".
• Let your child participate in your life. Tell him about people who are important to you (your own parents or friends) and how they have supported you in the past.
• If you want to raise a truly grateful child, you must live this gratitude authentically and with pleasure. If your child sees it as fun to be grateful, it will quickly take over this behavior.
• It is unlikely that you will be able to teach your child "gratitude to the parents", but an appreciation and respect for life and other people and a view that will enable them to see and be grateful for the good that is happening to them.

How do you feel about the gratitude?

At the latest when we grow up, the topic of gratefulness comes back to the parents. If you have long ago forked out and your parents see less often, as the parents get older and maybe even in need of care. What about your gratitude? If you would like to show this to your parents, just call back or make a visit, offer your help. This not only strengthens the family bond, but shows your child lived gratitude to the parents.

Did I forget something? Can you think of any more points?
I´m looking forward to your experiences and additions.

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