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The Desired Result -- Only Much Larger, And More Edible

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You Can't Afford NOT To Grow Them

I'm not really a gardener, but I DO like to eat. And one thing I like to put into the cook-pan? Greens and vegetables. Usually in some sort of stir fry, soup, or other one-pot-glop. Simple, tasty, good for you, and in large amounts. And since I'm cheap, and these things are expensive at the store, there is only one answer. Start growing some greens on my own.

Ooh, Why Not These Pretty Ones?

During a trip to the local hardware and everything-else convenience store, I discovered these purple Kale out front on a cart. On sale, three for $6. "Hmm, purple Kale. Colorful AND edible. And on SALE!!" I didn't bother reading the tag, since they were edible vegetables, and I know how to plant things.

I went inside, payed the cashier, and hauled them out toward the back of the Subaru. As I left the store with my armload of future soup, someone out front by the Kale cart piped up, "...you got some ornamental Kale."

It was more of question than a statement, which I found a bit odd. But being a friendly sort, I replied anyway, "yeah, aren't they pretty. And look SO tasty." They made a quirky, professional gardener's all-knowing face, as I turned on my way to the car. No reason to upset things at the Kale cart, I always say.

Let's Get This Stir-Fry Into The Ground

Back home, I planted my new purchases in the back 40, next to a large pile of old grass. With October right around the corner, I figured the grass-hay would block out the chill winds and colder temperatures as winter set in. I even gave my new little charges a nice bed of hay, to grow up, through and around in. Think of a winter-time, 1940's, inflatable Navy life-preserver belt of cushy, dead grass to keep them warm, happy and safe. And very soon, HUGE.

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My Nice Little Mae West-Nest Of Hay

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Snug Behind A Mountain Of Wind-Break Grass

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What Is Wrong With These Plants?

For some reason, my three little purple Kale's just sat there, and did nothing. Except sit there. For months. Three months and more, to be exact. And it's not like I treated them poorly.

I gave them names. I watered them with a huge bucket. Quite a lot, actually. I talked to them in encouraging tones, whenever I walked by doing my chores. "Come on, little guys, I need some purple GREENS." I even sent them *P.M.W's before bed each night. I gave them everything within my power to grow giant, mauve Kale-parts for the stew pot.

And still, they just squatted there in the dirt. Doing their short, colorful-Kale thing, in their little grass pile. Staying the same, exact size, never putting on more leaves, and even encouraging other weeds to come and join the garden party in bunches.

And though I have to admit they WERE pretty, they NEVER became a 'useful green'. No matter how long, or hard I tried. Did I buy some broken vegetables? I thought about driving back across town to ask the store people, but never got around to it.

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And Then?

The Lovely Onset Of Winter

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Ice And Collards - Winter 2016 - Setting A Fine Example

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History Should Be Nice And Repeat Itself

The photo of icy Collards above is from a couple of years ago. We had a nasty ice storm, and things turned solid-er than a frozen rock in the garden. Except the Collards. They were FINE. I ate them all winter and spring. Fifteen below (°F), and no biggie. Soup all winter long.

What does this have to do with the purple Kale? Well, evidently everything. And NOTHING. My poor new plants froze up solid like those garden rocks. At least two of them did. Good old K is OK, but K² and K³, not so much. And it wasn't even that cold. And I surrounded them with nice hay. These plants should be very similar, at least in MY garden book. (Unless I'm mistaken, they're sort of related.) So why did the Collards survive, and not 66.666 % of my purple Kale?

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NOTE: These Photos Are A Little Gross ( :

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K² Looks More Like Jabba-The-Kale Than A Hearty Vegetable

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But Looks A WHOLE Lot Better Than K³

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The Precious Label ~ Buried Deep Next To Odd-Looking Space Monster

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Don't Plant The Label Until You Read It

Time for some deep analysis. I was in such a hurry to put my new, lovely Kale in the ground, I just stuck them in and added their label. And buried it deep. And now, today, I dug it up, and decided to actually READ the thing.

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So THAT'S What It Says!

FLOWERING KALE
Unusual accent plant
along walkways or
placed in gardens or
containers.
HOW TO GROW:
Plant in sun or part sun
15-18" (38-46cm)
apart. Best color
in cool weather

Now I understand what the person at the Kale cart was implying on day one at the store. These are ornamental Kale. As in, use as an ORNAMENT, not in soup. NOW it makes sense. They are pretty, but never grow up, freeze solid in bad weather, turn into globs of goo once they warm up, and don't seem to put on more edible leaves as you pluck them. Go figure. Even though they're purple, and lovely to look at, and ARE Kale, there are better things to grow for soup.

As with so many things in this life, sometimes you just gotta take the time to read the little white, plastic labels.

~ Finto ~

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Thanks for stopping in and viewing the Purple Kale Decor Debacle. If you have any thoughts about growing colorful vegetables, cold weather garden-prep, reading tag directions properly, or anything else this post reminds you of, please feel free to comment away in the spaces below. I'd love to hear from you.

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*P.M.W. -- Positive Mental Waves

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Please UPVOTE, COMMENT and FOLLOW if you enjoy my works.

And go to @ddschteinn -- There's a whole lot more...

_{Posted: 01/08/2018 @ 10:05}

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Excerpts From Late-Night Conversations With A Mechanical Cat