You Can Learn How To Do Just About Anything By Reading The Package

It's amazing how much you can learn by reading the instructions. Usually they're right there on the packaging.

I made popcorn the other night. On the stove-top. Believe it or not, I've never actually done that before. I was about to ask The Wife how to make it when I realized there were directions on the bag.

I'm used to having a bunch of burnt, uncooked kernels at the bottom. That's because we were skipping a step.

Here's what you do: Heat two tablespoons of oil over medium-high heat, but first, throw three kernels in. Don't add the rest of your popcorn until those pop. That's how you know the oil is up to temperature.

I made a huge bowl of popcorn, and only had two unpopped kernels when I was done. Two! And no left over oil, either.

I don't expect many upvotes for telling you what it says on my bag of popcorn.

But how's this for some useful advice: read the directions!

Photo by Ben White via Unsplash.com

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Do you realize how much information is printed on the back of a can of spray-paint? You need to wait for a time when the humidity is below 70% and the temperature is above 50 degrees F. Good luck if you live in New England. You can apply a second coat within the hour. After that, you've got to wait for two full days to add another coat - and even longer if the humidity does get high.

So that's why I always got so many unsightly bubbles on my finish.

(Also, if you get a can with a clogged nozzle, do not try to clear it with a power drill. They don't actually print this on the can, but I still should have known better.)

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I had to fix my roof once. Roofing is hard work! And just how the hell do you do it? I checked a bunch of home-improvement web-sites and watched some videos.

But what do you know - the instructions were right there on every package of shingles. I ended up balling them up and throwing them away 100 times.

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I'd been cursing my riding lawn mower for stalling. I put up with this for two years until I learned that applying the parking brake would allow it to run even when I got out of the seat. Who knew? (In fairness to me, the mower came second hand. I had to download the manual to learn this. Which I did so that I could learn how to change the oil. Which I should have changed two years ago.)

I still haven't fired up my chainsaw. The manual for that is long, and grim. There's a lot more to chainsaws than popcorn.

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I was feeling so smug about all the directions I'd read lately.

Then the Wife came home with a new TV and asked me to help set it up. I took all the parts out of the packaging and then spread out the instructions.

It turns out removing the packaging was step 6.

"Men!" said The Wife. "Why don't they ever read the directions?"

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So read the directions. Especially if you're using a chainsaw, or your wife is involved. I mean, they're right there. On the thing you're trying to use.

And nobody likes soggy, burnt popcorn.