Mindfulness Monday - Everything's wrong every time
Happy Monday Steemians!!
How has our week been? I think my post over the weekend has given you guys some sort of idea how mine has been. First off, Thank you for all of you that are following these posts. It does mean a lot to me. YES, I wish we had more conversation, but it's cool. Don't ever hesitate to ask questions or request that we cover subjects or processes. This is a completely Judgement FREE ZONE.
So let's cover personalization (LOL I guess spell checks don't like the word. Oh well) Little recap on what personalization is when you personally take responsibility for events or situations happening when it is usually something out of your control. May go to statement used to be and I still sometimes uses "That's right everything that's wrong in the world is my fault. So sorry I was born to ruin your life." Yeah the PSTD has kind of made Swiss cheese out of me. Well it feels that way. I'm sure some of you that read my posts probably do think I'm a bit crazy. I can attest, you get 99% me. Why only 99% that one percent is anger. We try to keep that anger locked in the box until we can deal with is safely. I'm not using the proverbial we here, I am meaning my therapist and I. So the wonderful combination of PTSD and depression, depending on the situation I fall back into old routines. One is to personalize just about everything. I get ultra sensitive when people talk about me. When my husband does a silly thing like tell me how to cook. My favorite lately, to get mad at me for sleeping during the day. So the little demon in my head pops out and says things like 'Well, excuse me if my sleeping is inconvenient for you, Let me get up to do the things that you want since my health is not important. Obviously, it's whatever makes you happy regardless of what it does to me" Another one that pops in is "Everybody hates me." "Nobody is willing to do anything when I can, but I'm expected to bend over backwards for them." "Why does everyone talk down to me, I'm not stupid." There is so much more but ultimately it comes down to 'everything is my fault' It's my fault the house isn't clean, its my fault the dishes aren't done, its my fault the electric bill it to high, it's my fault I didn't get enough sleep because the neighbors and the dogs kept me awake.
You can see where this is headed and you can kind of see where it comes from. So what on earth does this have to do with mindfulness??? Umm...everything? We fail to realize when we enter these negative cycles we have to BREAK them and change our thinking. Oh how I wish I could wave a wand or twitch my nose and be done with it. It doesn't work that way. It takes practices. The first thing, same as when we spoke about Fear, and Overthinking is you have to recognize it for what it is. Personalization is a major form negative self talk. When we recognize a negative cycle happen, what are we supposed to do? CHANGE OUR THINKING!! What are the steps to do that? We've talked about quite a few. Use the self soothing exercise, breathing exercises, reading, go for a walk, play a video game, watch a movie and so forth. With me, for me to break the cycle is I need to not think. I have to be actively using my mind. I usually turn to video games, because it is using my mind and my hands. Posting on Steemit has become a great help. Again, I am using my mind and my hands at the same time, to focus on thoughts completely different than the ones racing around in my brain.
As you've seen through some of my posts my mood is kind of off. I still share at that point. I am not afraid of a label or stigma that comes with my disease. My reason for that is while it does play a part in who and how I am, it does not define me. After many years I finally have come to that point. I can't control when a flashback happens, sometimes I can't even control my reactions during a flashback. I can control my thoughts about it afterwards and look for what happened to take steps for it not to happen again. With the depression and anxieties hit. I don't beat myself up that it happens. It's how my brain works now. I can to a point control how long it affects me and work to not let it take over.
So case in point of how the irrational brain works and trying not to personalize things. I am following someone because I like their content. This person had mentioned they liked mine and started following me. Right before I came on here to work on my post for Monday like I always do, I checked in on a few people and made a few comments. There were a few today that had written a poem or something inspirational and I had commented how beautiful it was. Shorter than a normal response post that I do. Since I try to make 'real' comments. Sometimes when things touch me the way this post did, I didn't know what else to say. Because, I was working on this post I have not gone back to respond to everyone right away. Then I get a comment on one of my posts saying that they appreciated my comment. I hope you see where I am going with this. I didn't do anything except mention it was beautiful (the picture/artwork) the saying it all was. With my brain functioning as it does, all I can think 'is great screwed something else up' I know I cannot control people and their actions, this is where I need to just walk away and continue with what I am doing.
As always I hope this has helped in some fashion. I hope everyone has a wonderful week. I'll try to check-in in between my weekly activities :)
Our previous Mindfulness Monday posts:
Week 1
Week 2
Week 3
Week 4
Week 5
Week 6
Week 7
Want to earn universal basic income (UBI) ?
Everytime I see one of your posts, I am surprised you are still not at 50 Rep. You are writing some great stuff. Really enjoyed. Once again you were featured in the #payitforward contest. This week by @sams-world. Congratulations.
Thanks @energyaddict, I truly appreciate the compliment. I think it has to do with my SP right now. I am almost at my first goal. Once my SBD hits 35.00 and I run out of delegated I am going to take 30SBD and power up. AT that point I think I'll progress a little better. I'm saving up some money also to get transferred in. My VP has been sitting at a constant 85%
I don't know if my thinking is right, but it seems the most logical at this point.
you know @tryskele, what I love about your posts is your amazing honesty and openness you share. I believe that alone is so helpful. To also see: Oh we are not perfect, and we don't have to be - because we're human. You're describing challenges that I can imagine, most of us can relate to... Thank you for this once again... and you know what... I will share this post in the #payitforward curration contest. I will drop the link, as soon as I have it published.
I believe we need more people who open their hearts and share their truth! thank you so much!
Sam
Thanks @sams-world I really appreciate that. I try to be as honest and forthcoming as I can. I spent too long having to hide who I was. I had too many days where I had to put my game face on and pretend life was ok when it wasn't. Then I had this whole new world opened up to me that has truly changed how I view most things in life...and don't forget to eat your sandwich today we have to see if it will lead to world peace :D hehe
i'm so happy for you! haha, and yes, true! where is my peace-sandwich!!? :D
the link is here:, https://steemit.com/curation/@sams-world/2-of-my-favourite-50-steemians-who-deserve-more-exposure-payitforward-curation-contest-week-10
Great post! I can totally relate to this. I like to go out in nature or find some alone time reading a book or doing something creative. I suck at gaming so that would probably frustrate me more haha.
I think it's human nature to have off days and times. Especially if we are sensitive souls. When things get a bit much we often tend to feel defensive and take things out on those closest to us. The key thing to remember when we feel like that, we need to accept responsibility for how we respond and find resolutions in a calm way.
I wish I had more time to spend in nature, it would help immensely. My schedule is just a little too in control currently but working on that.
But yes we need to accept responsibility and ourselves once we get to that point then it makes it easier to notice and effect change. That has been very hard for me to do. I still have my ex-husband in the back of my head when anything goes wrong. I can't wait for the day I have him quieted so I no longer fall back into negative patterns. Most of the time I'm good and catch it, take my breath and move forward.
I hear you. It's hard to repair the damage of past relationships. Something that takes time. The key is being aware, which sounds like you already are. Sending you lots of positive vibes. <3
@holisticmom Thank you :) I spent YEARS not knowing how to handle things or what to do....25 years later, I finally have a therapist that not only specialized in the conditions/diseases I have, but has helped me immensely. I did a post not too long ago. I have 2 main goals with Mindfulness Mondays. 1) To keep reminding myself of what I need to be doing and 2) to hopefully give others some guidance so they don't have to spend 25 years of their life trying to re-learn how to live.
I can not say much, and I just give a little spirit, success is always @ tryskele ;)
You know that's what we need sometimes. I appreciate it @elmicta
A happy Monday to you as well.
Have a great week !
Thank you :) You too!!!
Thank you for this post; I too find that writing helps...the positivity challenge I'm doing now has made me think of several different things that I hadn't really thought too much on before. And I must have missed the memo, but I had no idea you suffered from PTSD; I'm sorry for that.
My son suffers from anxiety and depression and is just now learning that it's ok. It has been and I'm sure will continue to be, a rough go for him for while.
That's really it right? We can't control anything or anyone around us, but we can control how we react to all of it.
You're are very welcome @lynncoyle1 <3 Yeah my ex was a tad abusive, so when people yell or insult or belittle me, I sometimes lose myself. Thankfully the physical was minor, but he played major games with my head.
As it's 'termed' I am 'high-functioning' isn't that horrible :P I can be legally declared disabled, but because I have a brain that even though it plays tricks on me at times, it's too smart to know to act dumb. I get turned down. It's ok though I've learned enough to be able to do more than exist. Too many years like that. Now each day , each moment for that matter is new. If something happens. I do one of my exercises, don't dwell on what happened and move forward.
The anxiety and depression suck too. At least he has someone telling him that it's normal. Because it is. Just like the 'dark thoughts' they're normal too, it is how we deal with them. That's the hard part, when you're in that low point nothing seems possible. Once he gets some of the coping skills down it will help. If he needs ideas ...let me know I spent 20 yrs with doctors telling me 'use your coping skills' I even looked at one and said 'I don't have a tamborine.' That was the only skill I had been taught to channel my energy a different direction.
I might look into the positivity challenge, I think @wolfhart did it but didn't nominate anyone :D
Now that I have written another complete post LOL . I am heading to bed :D
Thank you for this post and comment To @lynncoyle1
My trust level of people on a scale of 1-10 is a neg gazillion . I am told that I need to work on it . I don't think so . It has worked for me .
The written word is hard for me and even harder to understand . There is no body language to incorporate . So the meaning of things can be misunderstood . Especially in my case . I have meet people here that have made me smile . The number of them I find amazing . I never thought that that would happen .
There also are some shitheads here . far and few inbetween . Them I have a problem with because I have no way to deal with them other then ignore or flag . Lord I find that funny . If your a dumbass and enter my world I have many lets say discouraging techniques available .
Like I said thanks for the post and comment
Stay strong . You are stronger and have more skills then you think :)
ooohh yea I leave contest open for any to join instead of limited to only people I would nominate
As you can imagine my trust level isn't where it should be either. The downfall is I've been too trusting to believe the people will do the right thing. Then of course when you go to far one way you the complete opposite, so I've learned to just take my time.
There are a few people that instinctually I was drawn to 2 of those people are @lynncoyle1 and @briancourteau. I feel like I've known them for years. I understand they dynamic of their relationship, because mine is close to the same way. So responding to either one is like responding to a brother or sister. LOL I get more support from them than I do my own brother (hes' off on his planet with his life)
I ignore the shitheads. No time for them in my life. I did have to be nice to one recently due to circumstances. It's over and done :P .
And you're very welcome :) I think you're learning. I don't have a pretense, I'm just me. I made that pledge to myself when I started. The only part I told myself, was I would keep my anger under control. Thank you for believing in me, I truly appreciate it.
@lynncoyle1 and @briancourteau are great people . I don't understand how one can be a montreal canadian fan unless you are forced , possessed or a girl is involved. you go @briancourteau ;)
@wolfhart hahahaha could be worse...could be the Avalanche 😎
@tryskele OOOohhhhh lordie not the Avalanche .ROFL I'm an old Flyers fan . 🏒
@wolfhart LOL at least it's not the Redwings 😆
haha thanks for the post @tryskele! But seriously, thank you for the 'history'. The tamborine killed me
I'm happy to nominate you in the challenge if you'd like. Just say the word and I'll put it in my next one. I will complete the 7 days, but it may take me a month haha
@lynncoyle1 LOL I'll just snag @wolfharts 'open' invitation...shame I couldn't (well I could ) tag him again in it 😂