Why I Won't Make It Home For My Chamorro Mom's Funeral - The Depressing Realization
I had my heart so set on being home on Saipan for my Chamorro mom's funeral, but I guess the Universe had other plans for me. I haven't made a post since my Thanksgiving Day post, partially because I've been scrambling about trying to raise funds for this trip, including creating a GoFundMe campaign, but also because as the weekend progressed, a very depressing realization hit me.
Yesterday and today have been a huge downer for me, because the realization suddenly hit me, that even if I somehow miraculously managed to raise the money to buy a plane ticket home, I still would not have arrived on Saipan in time for the funeral. The journey home from here takes about three days. Yes, you read correctly, three days. So if I left today I still would not be home until the 29th, a day after my Chamorro mom's funeral.
I've been in such a weird funk since coming to that realization, just staying at home/in bed not really doing anything and not wanting to do anything. The loneliness and depression really set in and kept me from getting anything substantial done. I even managed to muster up the motivation to go to the gym to try to work it all out, but when I got back home the same feelings just set right back in.
So I guess I'm making this post now to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who has reached out to me with their love and support ever since I made the post about the tragic news last week. This past week has been rough for me, but the truly unexpected outpouring of support that I have experienced since that post blew up, has been nothing short of phenomenal, and I truly appreciate it all.
I know you all made your donations to me with the idea that you would be helping me get home in time for the funeral, so if you want me to return your money, I am more than willing to do that. The last thing I would want is for you guys to think that I just scammed people into giving me their hard earned money. I do still plan on making a trip home as soon as I am able to, but sadly it won't be by this Tuesday anymore. I am posting screenshots of my wallet transactions below in order to shine a light on every single person who was kind enough to send me donations. You all mean the world to me, and I have so much love and appreciation for you all.
There are no words to fully express the true depth and scope of my love and appreciation that I feel for you, but the least I can do is put your truly unexpected act of kindness on full display for the rest of the Steemit community to see. To anyone reading this post, please consider visiting the following people's profiles and consider showing them some love by following them or checking out their posts.
Again, so that it's also in clickable text form to make it easier for you all, THANK YOU SO, SO MUCH to the following people who have shown me the kindness of humanity here on the Steemit community:
@hanshotfirst, @kristyyd, @the-alien, @rye05, @borepstein, @arrliinn, @logic, @stickchumpion, @youarehope (and its founder @sircork, please consider casting your witness vote for him!), @jon24jon24, @sunravelme, @dbzfan4awhile, @limabeing, @likedeeler, @clayboyn, @brisby
I guess to end this post, I'll leave you all with this video of me singing "The Impossible Dream" from Man of La Mancha, since this whole thing really was such an impossible dream in the end. It's also my entry for this week's @killerwhale Karaoke Contest, which you can find here and vote on here.
Check out some of my other posts!
What You Need to Know About Telling Veterans "Thank You" on Veterans Day
The Tossed and Forgotten - An Ode to Our Veterans
How I Achieved 200 Followers in My First Month on Steemit
Why I Chose to Invest $100 in Steem
My First Week on Steemit
The Dawn of The Dancing Dreamers
The Dawn of Friendship In a New Age
I'm Just an Island Boy Living in Utah who Loves EDM
!steemitworldmap 40.754539 lat -111.902618 long Salt Lake City, Utah local Steemian! d3scr
I sent funds to help you out because I think you are an awesome person and that you are being a valuable member of the community. I don't need or want anything back. Keep it and get home when you can bro. One love.
Thank you so much, @clayboyn, again I truly appreciate you and your support!
Keep the money. Create a new goal. We love you!!!!!
Thank you so much @limabeing! I will definitely plan out a new goal. I definitely still plan on making it home soon! I love you guys too!!
I already told you in chat but I'll say it again for those in the back- keep it, and get home when you can. You are a fantastic human being and a great addition to steemit, and no matter where it goes it will go to a great cause. Sending you love and light in your time of pain ❤
Thank you so much @sunravelme, your kind words truly touch my soul and I really appreciate all the love and support that you have shown me since we met! <3
Hi @rodeo670! There is a reason for everything - easier said, than understood. We ourselves are going through the same right now - hubby's grandma (who raised him) also passed yesterday. I know he wants to go home, but that seems far-fetched at the moment. :(
Nonetheless, I hope you are alright...
Thank you so much for sharing that with me, @arrliinn. It's weird that such moments of tragedy can really connect complete strangers on the internet to each other for shared support. I am so sorry to hear about your hubby's grandma passing and him being in a similar situation to my own. It's really so rough, especially when you really end up not being able to go home to see your loved one for one last time before you never get to see their face again.
Yo sorry to hear about the bad news the last 2 years have been rough for me as well as I have had to deal with a break up , a death and leaving a dream job due to bullying. The money I sent was from compassion and I too know the loneliness and demotivating times ahead. Like yourself I go to gym when I can but sometimes it doesnt help lets get stuck into some chats on PAL and help each other out and one day have a beer together.
Thank you so much @stickchumpion, I am so sorry to hear that you've been going through a rough time for the past two years. I hope that you can experience a real upswing soon and all the hard times of your past become eclipsed by the blessings to come in your future. I'm always down for a good chat and a nice cold beer! :D
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@eileenbeach has voted on behalf of @minnowpond.
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viewed, voted, commented, and re-steemed ...
anyone follows me i'll follow back within a few days
Thank you, I appreciate the resteem! Just out of curiosity, how long have you been on Steemit for?
somewhat over a month but there is about five or six retards stalking me, my rep was down to 15 in the first hour b/c of something i said in a chatroom pissed some obese whale of, it got back to 27 in a month and then the same people wrecked it back to 15 in one day (9 votes actually), its a rigged system so i spend no more than 5-10 minutes a day re-steeming. I went from 10 followers to 104 gradually despite that so my re-steems reach 10 times more now, if those dictators wouldnt stalk me down my votes would be actually earning you money too by now, people keep asking but this is why its not worth more than five minutes to me (sadly) , its a rigged fascist system where the 1% keeps eachother in place and the small fry can beg for crumbs, forced to be sure they dont say what the big ones dont like. It prevents a world with diverse sub-communitites because the council of five (the 1% so to speak) dictates what is good and what is bad content ... i kept it in a post cos people keep asking why i just reply this so if you want to read its here :
https://steemit.com/steemit/@rudyardcatling/so-for-all-the-people-who-would-reply-why-i-only-reply-like-that-in-case-i-havent-replied
otherwise i just do 5 resteems to support people, upvotve whoever replies with the 5 remaining (that keeps voting power at max and would mean something if the steem dictators didnt push my rep down every month) , i never downvote anyone, i mute them (if this thing had a block button the whole problem would be solved and sub-communities would be possible, now its the law of the whale-street and the lobbyright , exact copy of society)
S0 xD to cut a long story short , GOOD LUCK !!!
Ahhhh I see. I'm so sorry that you have fallen victim to such obscene behavior. I know it was probably very discouraging and now you don't really want to spend too much time on Steemit anymore, but I've been watching all this controversy lately and it feels like things are changing or trying to change. There are good whales out there who have banded together and are trying to come up with ways to fix things like that and help spread the love around. You might want to check out @stellabelle's newest post, actually. It's quite the fascinating initiative, and I think you would appreciate it.
Also, have you ever heard of the @MinnowSupport Project? If you get plugged in there and join us on our Discord server, you could quickly repair your reputation by making friends with people on there and gaining their support. Feel free to check us out here, or click on this animated banner to check out my post on why I feel it's super important for all new Steemians to come check us out!
i'll just stick to all the other ten forums and sites i'm on and stay here doing a few re-steems until the moneygrubbing ceo puts in a block button which would actually allow dictators and bullies to be rendered powerless, same as spammers and allow for communities , DIVERSE (pardon my cap) communities within a bigger "steemit-verse" b/c this way it's the law of the one percent. Might as well go get a job on wallstreet or an internship lol ;-) thanks for the appreciation and good luck
Please don't return what I sent you. It was a gift meant to help you get home to your family. The timing did not work out but, you are going to make it there.
Thank you so much, @brisby. I truly, truly appreciate it. I'm definitely still looking into my options, and it's looking like my best bet would be after the holidays are over and the crazy prices have gone back down.