Tearing Down the Wall

For those of you who are unaware, I recently opened up about writing on two separate accounts and trying to differentiate them through a tactic I learned is called "sock puppetry": this one, @perspective, as well as @honeyscribe. If you want to know more about the what and why, you can find my explantation here. I was sad to be put in a position to compromise my anonymity on this platform further, but I decided to own my mistakes because there has been enough hurt on this platform. I don't want to contribute to that, especially when writing here has offered me some healing.

Still, with my admission, my intention was to stop writing on Steemit altogether. It felt unsafe to stay. There was a contingent of Steemians who were insistent on my unmasking regardless of my safety. To be honest, I still feel uneasy. After looking at my choices, I saw they were essentially either live my life in fear or keep doing what I love.

I came here to write about the parts of my life that have been silenced. Isolation is a major component of abuse. Here, I have found a small community of people who share in my experiences. It is not something I want to turn my back on. Like with the women's group I attended, this is a space where we can come together in support of one another. I need that. I have seen others here who thrive on contact as well. When we come together, we break down the walls our abusers built around us.

It is easy to fall right back into the mindset of victim, especially when aspersions (whether purposeful or misdirected) are publicly cast. My impulse was to crawl in a hole and be angry at the world. To put masks on over my masks, make myself smaller, shame myself since I have moved on from those who have taught me I deserve shaming. I almost folded up and quit, slipping once more into silence and isolation. That is not who I want to be, nor is it how I want to live.

Happily, louder than those who wished me stripped and displayed were those who wished me well.

When I stated I planned to leave, many spoke up that they wished I would stay. I was not expecting that turn of events. I want to do stay! I want to keep writing here, on both accounts. With @honeyscribe, I will undertake Project Positivity alongside @lifeisawesome, @kushed and a contingent of whales. I will also keep writing on issues of positivity based out of personal experience.

Here, I think I may write a touch darker. This may be the place where I can explore my fear, anger and sadness while keeping to my original goal of changing my perspective. This may include Dani. She is a persona I put on much like glasses, bringing my choices of perception into clearer focus. She has put me in touch with poetry and nature, both of which were doors shut for too long. She is a key of sorts. A superhero costume. What I am saying is, I am learning to recognize many unexpected tools and make better use of them.

For a time, writing as Dani stopped my nightmares. I do not know why it is scary to admit that. It makes sense when you consider I was tackling my fears through her, spinning them into sunshine.

I think there is a shortage in the world of dedicated positivity. I see no reason not to write about it through both accounts, although I will try to differentiate my topics. As it has been from the beginning, all of my content will be original.

What I would love is to know your ideas and concerns. Is there anything you would like me to write on? I hope you will let me know.