I don't believe most people understand the dynamics of abuse, especially abuse by a personality-disordered person where your entire world is twisted and distorted in ways that can severely affect your psychological well-being. Kudos to you for your bravery, for speaking out, for confronting the white elephant in the room, for confronting yourself. As a fellow abuse survivor, we leave these relationships seeking safety and peace only to fall into deep depression as we attempt to resolve our feelings of complicity and shame. We are not to blame for what happened--but time and time again we are forced to examine those things in us that left us vulnerable to the machinations of these toxic and destructive people. It is through sharing and empathy that we will slay the dragon.