(100%) De Profundis (4)

in #kr5 years ago (edited)

본 글은 지적활동증명(Proof of Brain) 워크시트입니다. 참여를 위해서는 반드시 번역 가이드를 읽으세요.


[51E] ✔︎ It is, if I can fully attain to it, the ultimate realisation of the artistic life. For the artistic life is simply self-development. Humility in the artist is his frank acceptance of all experiences, just as love in the artist is simply the sense of beauty that reveals to the world its body and its soul. In 「Marius the Epicurean」 Pater seeks to reconcile the artistic life with the life of religion, in the deep, sweet, and austere sense of the word. But Marius is little more than a spectator: an ideal spectator indeed, and one to whom it is given 'to contemplate the spectacle of life with appropriate emotions,' which Wordsworth defines as the poet's true aim; yet a spectator merely, and perhaps a little too much occupied with the comeliness of the benches of the sanctuary to notice that it is the sanctuary of sorrow that he is gazing at.

[52E] ✔︎ I see a far more intimate and immediate connection between the true life of Christ and the true life of the artist; and I take a keen pleasure in the reflection that long before sorrow had made my days her own and bound me to her wheel I had written in 「The Soul of Man」 that he who would lead a Christ-like life must be entirely and absolutely himself, and had taken as my types not merely the shepherd on the hillside and the prisoner in his cell, but also the painter to whom the world is a pageant and the poet for whom the world is a song. I remember saying once to Andre Gide, as we sat together in some Paris 「cafe」, that while meta-physics had but little real interest for me, and morality absolutely none, there was nothing that either Plato or Christ had said that could not be transferred immediately into the sphere of Art and there find its complete fulfilment.

[53E] ✔︎ Nor is it merely that we can discern in Christ that close union of personality with perfection which forms the real distinction between the classical and romantic movement in life, but the very basis of his nature was the same as that of the nature of the artist--an intense and flamelike imagination. He realised in the entire sphere of human relations that imaginative sympathy which in the sphere of Art is the sole secret of creation. He understood the leprosy of the leper, the darkness of the blind, the fierce misery of those who live for pleasure, the strange poverty of the rich. Some one wrote to me in trouble, 'When you are not on your pedestal you are not interesting.' How remote was the writer from what Matthew Arnold calls 'the Secret of Jesus.' Either would have taught him that whatever happens to another happens to oneself, and if you want an inscription to read at dawn and at night-time, and for pleasure or for pain, write up on the walls of your house in letters for the sun to gild and the moon to silver, 'Whatever happens to oneself happens to another.'

[54E] ✔︎ Christ's place indeed is with the poets. His whole conception of Humanity sprang right out of the imagination and can only be realised by it. What God was to the pantheist, man was to Him. He was the first to conceive the divided races as a unity. Before his time there had been gods and men, and, feeling through the mysticism of sympathy that in himself each had been made incarnate, he calls himself the Son of the one or the Son of the other, according to his mood. More than any one else in history he wakes in us that temper of wonder to which romance always appeals. There is still something to me almost incredible in the idea of a young Galilean peasant imagining that he could bear on his own shoulders the burden of the entire world; all that had already been done and suffered, and all that was yet to be done and suffered: the sins of Nero, of Caesar Borgia, of Alexander VI., and of him who was Emperor of Rome and Priest of the Sun: the sufferings of those whose names are legion and whose dwelling is among the tombs: oppressed nationalities, factory children, thieves, people in prison, outcasts, those who are dumb under oppression and whose silence is heard only of God; and not merely imagining this but actually achieving it, so that at the present moment all who come in contact with his personality, even though they may neither bow to his altar nor kneel before his priest, in some way find that the ugliness of their sin is taken away and the beauty of their sorrow revealed to them.

[55E] ✔︎ I had said of Christ that he ranks with the poets. That is true. Shelley and Sophocles are of his company. But his entire life also is the most wonderful of poems. For 'pity and terror' there is nothing in the entire cycle of Greek tragedy to touch it. The absolute purity of the protagonist raises the entire scheme to a height of romantic art from which the sufferings of Thebes and Pelops' line are by their very horror excluded, and shows how wrong Aristotle was when he said in his treatise on the drama that it would be impossible to bear the spectacle of one blameless in pain. Nor in AEschylus nor Dante, those stern masters of tenderness, in Shakespeare, the most purely human of all the great artists, in the whole of Celtic myth and legend, where the loveliness of the world is shown through a mist of tears, and the life of a man is no more than the life of a flower, is there anything that, for sheer simplicity of pathos wedded and made one with sublimity of tragic effect, can be said to equal or even approach the last act of Christ's passion. The little supper with his companions, one of whom has already sold him for a price; the anguish in the quiet moon-lit garden; the false friend coming close to him so as to betray him with a kiss; the friend who still believed in him, and on whom as on a rock he had hoped to build a house of refuge for Man, denying him as the bird cried to the dawn; his own utter loneliness, his submission, his acceptance of everything; and along with it all such scenes as the high priest of orthodoxy rending his raiment in wrath, and the magistrate of civil justice calling for water in the vain hope of cleansing himself of that stain of innocent blood that makes him the scarlet figure of history; the coronation ceremony of sorrow, one of the most wonderful things in the whole of recorded time; the crucifixion of the Innocent One before the eyes of his mother and of the disciple whom he loved; the soldiers gambling and throwing dice for his clothes; the terrible death by which he gave the world its most eternal symbol; and his final burial in the tomb of the rich man, his body swathed in Egyptian linen with costly spices and perfumes as though he had been a king's son. When one contemplates all this from the point of view of art alone one cannot but be grateful that the supreme office of the Church should be the playing of the tragedy without the shedding of blood: the mystical presentation, by means of dialogue and costume and gesture even, of the Passion of her Lord; and it is always a source of pleasure and awe to me to remember that the ultimate survival of the Greek chorus, lost elsewhere to art, is to be found in the servitor answering the priest at Mass.

[56E] ✔︎ Yet the whole life of Christ--so entirely may sorrow and beauty be made one in their meaning and manifestation--is really an idyll, though it ends with the veil of the temple being rent, and the darkness coming over the face of the earth, and the stone rolled to the door of the sepulchre. One always thinks of him as a young bridegroom with his companions, as indeed he somewhere describes himself; as a shepherd straying through a valley with his sheep in search of green meadow or cool stream; as a singer trying to build out of the music the walls of the City of God; or as a lover for whose love the whole world was too small. His miracles seem to me to be as exquisite as the coming of spring, and quite as natural. I see no difficulty at all in believing that such was the charm of his personality that his mere presence could bring peace to souls in anguish, and that those who touched his garments or his hands forgot their pain; or that as he passed by on the highway of life people who had seen nothing of life's mystery, saw it clearly, and others who had been deaf to every voice but that of pleasure heard for the first time the voice of love and found it as 'musical as Apollo's lute'; or that evil passions fled at his approach, and men whose dull unimaginative lives had been but a mode of death rose as it were from the grave when he called them; or that when he taught on the hillside the multitude forgot their hunger and thirst and the cares of this world, and that to his friends who listened to him as he sat at meat the coarse food seemed delicate, and the water had the taste of good wine, and the whole house became full of the odour and sweetness of nard.

[57E] ✔︎ Renan in his 「Vie de Jesus」--that gracious fifth gospel, the gospel according to St. Thomas, one might call it--says somewhere that Christ's great achievement was that he made himself as much loved after his death as he had been during his lifetime. And certainly, if his place is among the poets, he is the leader of all the lovers. He saw that love was the first secret of the world for which the wise men had been looking, and that it was only through love that one could approach either the heart of the leper or the feet of God.

[58E] ✔︎ And above all, Christ is the most supreme of individualists. Humility, like the artistic, acceptance of all experiences, is merely a mode of manifestation. It is man's soul that Christ is always looking for. He calls it 'God's Kingdom,' and finds it in every one. He compares it to little things, to a tiny seed, to a handful of leaven, to a pearl. That is because one realises one's soul only by getting rid of all alien passions, all acquired culture, and all external possessions, be they good or evil.

[59E] ✔︎ I bore up against everything with some stubbornness of will and much rebellion of nature, till I had absolutely nothing left in the world but one thing. I had lost my name, my position, my happiness, my freedom, my wealth. I was a prisoner and a pauper. But I still had my children left. Suddenly they were taken away from me by the law. It was a blow so appalling that I did not know what to do, so I flung myself on my knees, and bowed my head, and wept, and said, 'The body of a child is as the body of the Lord: I am not worthy of either.' That moment seemed to save me. I saw then that the only thing for me was to accept everything. Since then--curious as it will no doubt sound--I have been happier. It was of course my soul in its ultimate essence that I had reached. In many ways I had been its enemy, but I found it waiting for me as a friend. When one comes in contact with the soul it makes one simple as a child, as Christ said one should be.

[60E] ✔︎ It is tragic how few people ever 'possess their souls' before they die. 'Nothing is more rare in any man,' says Emerson, 'than an act of his own.' It is quite true. Most people are other people. Their thoughts are some one else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. Christ was not merely the supreme individualist, but he was the first individualist in history. People have tried to make him out an ordinary philanthropist, or ranked him as an altruist with the scientific and sentimental. But he was really neither one nor the other. Pity he has, of course, for the poor, for those who are shut up in prisons, for the lowly, for the wretched; but he has far more pity for the rich, for the hard hedonists, for those who waste their freedom in becoming slaves to things, for those who wear soft raiment and live in kings' houses. Riches and pleasure seemed to him to be really greater tragedies than poverty or sorrow. And as for altruism, who knew better than he that it is vocation not volition that determines us, and that one cannot gather grapes of thorns or figs from thistles?

[61E] ✔︎ To live for others as a definite self-conscious aim was not his creed. It was not the basis of his creed. When he says, 'Forgive your enemies,' it is not for the sake of the enemy, but for one's own sake that he says so, and because love is more beautiful than hate. In his own entreaty to the young man, 'Sell all that thou hast and give to the poor,' it is not of the state of the poor that he is thinking but of the soul of the young man, the soul that wealth was marring. In his view of life he is one with the artist who knows that by the inevitable law of self-perfection, the poet must sing, and the sculptor think in bronze, and the painter make the world a mirror for his moods, as surely and as certainly as the hawthorn must blossom in spring, and the corn turn to gold at harvest- time, and the moon in her ordered wanderings change from shield to sickle, and from sickle to shield.

[62E] ✔︎ But while Christ did not say to men, 'Live for others,' he pointed out that there was no difference at all between the lives of others and one's own life. By this means he gave to man an extended, a Titan personality. Since his coming the history of each separate individual is, or can be made, the history of the world. Of course, culture has intensified the personality of man. Art has made us myriad-minded. Those who have the artistic temperament go into exile with Dante and learn how salt is the bread of others, and how steep their stairs; they catch for a moment the serenity and calm of Goethe, and yet know but too well that Baudelaire cried to God--

[63E] ✔︎ 'O Seigneur, donnez moi la force et le courage
De contempler mon corps et mon coeur sans degout.'

[64E] ✔︎ Out of Shakespeare's sonnets they draw, to their own hurt it may be, the secret of his love and make it their own; they look with new eyes on modern life, because they have listened to one of Chopin's nocturnes, or handled Greek things, or read the story of the passion of some dead man for some dead woman whose hair was like threads of fine gold, and whose mouth was as a pomegranate. But the sympathy of the artistic temperament is necessarily with what has found expression. In words or in colours, in music or in marble, behind the painted masks of an AEschylean play, or through some Sicilian shepherds' pierced and jointed reeds, the man and his message must have been revealed.

[65E] ✔︎ To the artist, expression is the only mode under which he can conceive life at all. To him what is dumb is dead. But to Christ it was not so. With a width and wonder of imagination that fills one almost with awe, he took the entire world of the inarticulate, the voiceless world of pain, as his kingdom, and made of himself its eternal mouthpiece. Those of whom I have spoken, who are dumb under oppression, and 'whose silence is heard only of God,' he chose as his brothers. He sought to become eyes to the blind, ears to the deaf, and a cry in the lips of those whose tongues had been tied. His desire was to be to the myriads who had found no utterance a very trumpet through which they might call to heaven. And feeling, with the artistic nature of one to whom suffering and sorrow were modes through which he could realise his conception of the beautiful, that an idea is of no value till it becomes incarnate and is made an image, he made of himself the image of the Man of Sorrows, and as such has fascinated and dominated art as no Greek god ever succeeded in doing.

[66E] ✔︎ For the Greek gods, in spite of the white and red of their fair fleet limbs, were not really what they appeared to be. The curved brow of Apollo was like the sun's disc crescent over a hill at dawn, and his feet were as the wings of the morning, but he himself had been cruel to Marsyas and had made Niobe childless. In the steel shields of Athena's eyes there had been no pity for Arachne; the pomp and peacocks of Hera were all that was really noble about her; and the Father of the Gods himself had been too fond of the daughters of men. The two most deeply suggestive figures of Greek Mythology were, for religion, Demeter, an Earth Goddess, not one of the Olympians, and for art, Dionysus, the son of a mortal woman to whom the moment of his birth had proved also the moment of her death.

[67E] ✔︎ But Life itself from its lowliest and most humble sphere produced one far more marvellous than the mother of Proserpina or the son of Semele. Out of the Carpenter's shop at Nazareth had come a personality infinitely greater than any made by myth and legend, and one, strangely enough, destined to reveal to the world the mystical meaning of wine and the real beauties of the lilies of the field as none, either on Cithaeron or at Enna, had ever done.

[68E] ✔︎ The song of Isaiah, 'He is despised and rejected of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him,' had seemed to him to prefigure himself, and in him the prophecy was fulfilled. We must not be afraid of such a phrase. Every single work of art is the fulfilment of a prophecy: for every work of art is the conversion of an idea into an image. Every single human being should be the fulfilment of a prophecy: for every human being should be the realisation of some ideal, either in the mind of God or in the mind of man. Christ found the type and fixed it, and the dream of a Virgilian poet, either at Jerusalem or at Babylon, became in the long progress of the centuries incarnate in him for whom the world was waiting.

[69E] ✔︎ To me one of the things in history the most to be regretted is that the Christ's own renaissance, which has produced the Cathedral at Chartres, the Arthurian cycle of legends, the life of St. Francis of Assisi, the art of Giotto, and Dante's 「Divine Comedy」, was not allowed to develop on its own lines, but was interrupted and spoiled by the dreary classical Renaissance that gave us Petrarch, and Raphael's frescoes, and Palladian architecture, and formal French tragedy, and St. Paul's Cathedral, and Pope's poetry, and everything that is made from without and by dead rules, and does not spring from within through some spirit informing it. But wherever there is a romantic movement in art there somehow, and under some form, is Christ, or the soul of Christ. He is in 「Romeo and Juliet」, in the 「Winter's Tale」, in Provencal poetry, in the 「Ancient Mariner」, in 「La Belle Dame sans merci」, and in Chatterton's 「Ballad of Charity」.

[70E] ✔︎ We owe to him the most diverse things and people. Hugo's 「Les Miserables」, Baudelaire's 「Fleurs du Mal」, the note of pity in Russian novels, Verlaine and Verlaine's poems, the stained glass and tapestries and the quattro-cento work of Burne-Jones and Morris, belong to him no less than the tower of Giotto, Lancelot and Guinevere, Tannhauser, the troubled romantic marbles of Michael Angelo, pointed architecture, and the love of children and flowers--for both of which, indeed, in classical art there was but little place, hardly enough for them to grow or play in, but which, from the twelfth century down to our own day, have been continually making their appearances in art, under various modes and at various times, coming fitfully and wilfully, as children, as flowers, are apt to do: spring always seeming to one as if the flowers had been in hiding, and only came out into the sun because they were afraid that grown up people would grow tired of looking for them and give up the search; and the life of a child being no more than an April day on which there is both rain and sun for the narcissus.

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[56] 그러나 그리스도의 모든 삶--그러니까 슬픔이나 기쁨이 전체적으로 의미와 표현에서 하나가 될 수 있지만--은 전적으로 목가적이다. 비록 그것이 빌린 성전의 베일을 빌리는 것과 지상의 표면에 어둠이 다가오고, 돌이 무덤의 문으로 굴러가는 것으로 끝나더라도 말이다. 사람들은 언제나 그를 동지들과 함께 하는 젊은 신랑으로 생각하며, 그가 실제로 어디선가 자신을 묘사하는 것처럼, 푸른 목초지와 시원한 냇물을 찾아 양들과 함께 골짜기를 헤매는 목동처럼, 음악으로 신의 도시의 성벽을 만들려는 것처럼, 또는 세상을 너무 적게 사랑하는 사랑꾼으로 생각한다. 내게 그의 기적은 봄이 오는 것만큼 매우 아름답고, 무척 자연스럽다. 그는 존재만으로도 고뇌에 찬 영혼들에게 평안을 가져다 줄 수 있고, 그의 옷자락을 만지거나 손을 만지는 이들은 고통을 잊게 되며, 그가 삶의 한복판을 지나갈 때 삶의 미스터리에 대해 아무것도 보지 못한 이들이 이를 분명히 보았고, 모든 소리를 듣지 못하는 이가 사랑의 목소리를 처음으로 듣는 기쁨을 느끼고, 이를 '아폴로의 류트와 같이 듣기 좋은 것'이라 발견하게 될 수 있다. 또는 그가 다가오자 악한 욕망이 사라지고, 누군가의 칙칙한 다만 죽음의 한 형태였던 삶이 그들을 부를 때 무덤에서 부활하듯 다시 살아났다. 또는 그가 산비탈에서 가르치자, 많은 이들이 배고픔과 갈증과 세상 근심사를 잊게 되었고, 고기 앞에 앉아서 그의 말을 들은 그의 친구들에게 형편 없는 음식은 훌륭한 것으로 보였고, 물에서는 좋은 포도주 맛이 났고, 온 집안에는 나르드 향기와 달콤함이 가득했다.

[66E] 그리스 신들이 아름답고 재빠른 희고 붉은 팔을 갖고 있다는 것과 달리 그들은 실제로는 전혀 다른 모습이었다. 아폴로의 굽은 눈썹은 새벽에 언덕을 넘어오는 태양이 초승달처럼 보이는 것 같았고, 그의 다리는 아침의 날개 같았다. 그러나 그는 마르시아스에게 잔인하게 굴었고, 니오베에게 서 자식을 앗아갔다. 아테나의 강철 방패 같은 눈 속에는 아라크네에 대한 연민이 없었고, 헤라의 머리 장식과 공작은 정말이지 그녀 고귀함의 전부였다. 신들의 아버지는 인간의 딸들에게 무척 다정했다. 그리스 신화를 연상시키는 가장 대표적인 두 인물은 종교에서는 올림포스에 속하지 않는 땅의 여신 데메테르이며, 예술에서는 인간 여자의 아들이자, 아들이 태어나는 순간이 곧 그녀의 죽음의 순간이 된 디오니소스였다.

[54] 그리스도의 장소에는 실로 시인들이 함께 한다. 그의 인간성에 대한 전체적인 관념은 상상에서 바로 튀어나온 것이며, 그것을 통해서만 실현될 수 있다. 범신론자에게 신이, 그에게 인간과 같았다. 그는 처음으로 구분된 인종을 하나로 생각했다. 그의 시대 전에는 신과 인간이 있었고, 연민의 신비주의를 통해 자신들 속에 각각의 화신들이 만들어졌다고 느꼈다. 그는 자신의 기분에 따라 자신을 한 명의 아들 또는 다른 이의 아들이라 말한다. 역사사 그 누구보다도 그는 매번 로맨스가 매력적으로 느껴지게 하는 궁금해 하는 기질을 일깨운다. 젊은 갈릴레이의 소작농이 세계의 모든 짐을 짊어질 수 있다고 상상했다는 것은 여전히 놀랍다. 이미 행해지고 고통받은 모든 것, 그리고 아직 행해지지 않았고 고통받지 않은 것은, 네로의 죄, 카이사르 보르지아의 죄, 알렉산더 6세의 죄, 로마의 황제이자 태양의 사제였던 이의 죄이며, 무덤 속에 사는 군단의 고통이고, 억압받는 민족, 공장의 아이들, 도둑들, 죄수들, 따돌림 당하는 사람들, 억압받는 벙어리들과 오직 신만이 들을 수 있는 그들의 침묵이다. 이를 단순히 상상하는 것이 아니라 실제로 성취할 때, 그의 인격을 마주하는 모든 이들은, 비록 그의 제단이나 그의 사제 앞에서 무릎을 꿇지 않을지라도, 어떤 식으로든 추악한 그들의 죄가 사라지고, 그들 슬픔의 아름다움이 드러나게 된다.

[65] 표현하는 것만이 예술가가 삶에서 상상할 수 있는 것이다. 그에게 말하지 못한다는 건 죽은 것이다. 그러나 그리스도에게는 그렇지 않았다. 누군가를 거의 경외심으로 채우는 넓고 놀라운 상상력으로 그는 불분명한 전 세계와 말 없는 고통의 세계를 자신의 왕국으로 삼았으며, 자신을 영원한 대변자로 세웠다. 내가 말한 이들 중에서, 억압 속에서 말하지 못하는 이들과 '오직 신만이 자신의 침묵 소리를 듣는 이들'을 그는 자신의 형제로 택했다. 그는 앞 못보는 이에게 눈이 되고, 듣지 못하는 이들에게 귀가 되며, 혀가 꼬인 이들의 외치는 입술이 되고자 했다. 그의 소망은 어떠한 표현도 하지 못하는 이들이 천국을 향해 불 수 있는 트럼펫이 되는 것이었다. 또한 고통과 슬픔이 아름다움에 대한 자신의 이해를 실현할 수 있는 것인 예술적 천성과 더불어, 하나의 생각이 화신이 되고 이미지가 되기 전까지는 아무런 가치가 없다는 것을 느끼고, 인간의 슬픔의 이미지로 자신을 만들었다. 이처럼 예술을 사로잡고 지배하는 건, 어느 그리스 신도 성공하지 못했던 것이었다.

[59E] 나는 완강한 의지와 몹시 반항적인 천성으로 이 세상에서 내게 단 한 가지밖에 남지 않을 때까지 모든 것에 맞섰다. 나는 내 이름, 지위, 행복, 자유, 부를 잃었다. 나는 죄수였고 가난했다. 하지만 내 자식들이 남아 있었다. 법에 따라 그들은 갑자기 내게서 떨어져 나가야 했다. 너무도 끔찍한 충격에 어찌할 수 없었기에, 나는 무릎을 꿇고, 고개를 숙인 채, 울면서 말했다. '아이의 몸은 주님의 몸과 같습니다. 나는 그 어느 쪽에도 족하지 않습니다.' 그 순간이 나를 구원한 것 같았다. 그때 나는 내가 할 수 있는 것이 모든 것을 받아들이는 것임을 알았다. 이후로--분명 이상하게 들릴 것이지만--나는 더 행복해졌다. 물론 내가 도달한 곳은 내 영혼의 정수였다. 여러 면에서 나는 그것의 적이었지만, 그것이 친구처럼 나를 기다리고 있다는 사실을 알았다. 누군가 영혼과 접촉할 때, 그래야 한다는 그리스도의 말처럼, 그는 어린아이처럼 단순해진다.

[60] 아주 소수의 사람들이 죽기 전에 '자신의 영혼을 소유'한다는 것은 비극이다. 에머슨은 '누구에게도 자신만의 행동보다 귀한 것은 없다'고 말한다. 그것은 꽤나 사실이다. 대부분의 사람들은 다른 사람이다. 그들의 생각은 다른 사람의 의견이며, 그들의 삶을 흉내낸 것이고, 열정을 인용한 것이다. 그리스도는 단지 최고의 개인주의자가 아닌 역사상 최초의 개인주의자였다. 사람들은 그를 평범한 박애주의자로 만들거나, 또는 체계적이고 감상적인 이타주의자로 평가하려 했다. 그러나 그는 그런 사람이 아니었다. 그는 물론 가난한 이들과 감옥에 갇힌 이들과, 신분이 낮은 이들, 불쌍한 이들을 불쌍히 여겼다. 그러나 그는 부자와 쾌락주의자, 무언가의 노예가 되기 위해 자신의 자유를 낭비하는 이들, 좋은 예복을 입은 이들과 왕실에 사는 이들을 더욱 불쌍히 여겼다. 그에게 부와 쾌락은 정말이지 가난이나 슬픔보다 더 비참한 것이었다. 그리고 이타주의에 대해서, 우리를 결정하는 것은 자유 의지가 아니라 소명이며, 따라서 가시나무에서 포도를 딸 수 없고 엉겅퀴에서 무화과를 딸 수 없다고 말한 그보다 누가 이를 더 잘 알고 있었을까?

[59] 나는 이 세상에서 내게 단 한가지 밖에 남지 않을때까지 완강한 의지와 몹시 반항적인 천성으로 모든 것을 견뎌 냈다. 나는 내 이름, 지위, 행복, 자유, 부를 잃었다. 나는 죄수이자 거지였다. 하지만 내 아이들이 남아 있었다. 그들은 갑자기 법을 따라 내게서 떨어져야 했다. 어찌해야 할지 알 수 없는 끔찍한 충격이었고, 나는 무릎을 꿇고, 머리를 숙이고, 울면서 말했다. '아이의 몸은 주님의 몸과 같다. 나는 그들만한 가치가 없다.' 그 순간은 내게 구원 같았다. 그때 나는 내게 유일한 그것은 모든 것을 받아들이는 것임을 알았다. 이후로--틀림없이 건강한 것이기에 궁금하다--나는 더 행복해졌다. 물론 내가 도달한 궁극적인 본질은 나의 영혼이었다. 여러 면에서 나는 그것의 적이었지만, 그것이 친구처럼 나를 기다리고 있다는 사실을 알았다. 사람이 영혼과 접촉할 때, 이는 그리스도의 말처럼 그를 어린아이처럼 단순하게 만든다.

[53] 또한 우리가 단지 그리스도 안에서 인생의 고전파 움직임과 낭만파 움직임의 진정한 구분을 형성하는 온전한 인격의 밀접한 조화를 분별할 수 있는 것은 아니지만, 그 본성의 기초는 바로 예술가의 본질과 같았는데, 이는 강렬하고 격정적인 상상이었다. 그는 인간 관계의 전 영역에서 예술의 영역이 창조의 유일한 비밀인 창의적인 연민임을 깨달았다. 그는 나환자의 나병과 맹인의 어두움, 쾌락을 위해 사는 이들의 극심한 고통, 부자들의 이상한 부족을 이해했다. 누군가는 내가 곤경에 빠져 있다고 썼다. '받침대 위에 있지 않을 때 넌 흥미롭지 않다.' 이는 매튜 아놀드가 '예수의 비밀'이라 적었던 것과 얼마나 동떨어진 것인가. 어느 쪽이든 다른 사람에게 일어나는 일은 무엇이든 자신에게도 일어난다는 걸 그에게 가르쳐줬을 것이고, 새벽이나 저녁에 비문을 읽고 싶거나, 쾌락이나 고통을 원한다면, 태양에 금빛으로 빛나고 달에 은빛으로 빛날 수 있도록, '내게 일어나는 일은 다른 이들에게도 일어난다.'고 집 벽에 적어두길 바란다.

[70] 우리는 그에게 가장 다양한 것과 사람들을 빚지고 있다. 위고의 「레미제라블」, 보들레어의 「악의 꽃」, 러시아 소설에 나오는 연민의 노트, 베를렌과 베를렌의 시, 스테인드글라스와 태피스트리, 그리고 15세기 번존스와 모리스의 작품, 조토에 속한 탑, 랜슬롯과 기네비어, 탄호이저, 미캘란젤로의 수심가득한 로맨틱한 대리석 조각, 뾰족한 건축양식, 어린이와 꽃의 사랑--실제로 이 두 가지는 고전 예술에서는 자라거나 표현될 공간이라곤 거의 없었는데, 12세기부터 오늘날까지 다양한 방식과 시간대에서 지속적으로 묘사되어 왔으며, 간헐적이고 의도적으로 어린이와 꽃처럼 되곤 한다. 봄에는 언제나 꽃이 감춰져 있는 것처럼 보이고, 다 자란 어른들이 자신들을 바라보는 걸 피곤해 하고 찾기를 포기할까봐 오직 태양으로 나왔으며, 어린이의 삶은 나르시스를 위한 비와 태양이 존재하는 4월의 어느 날에 있다.

[60E] 아주 소수의 사람만이 죽기 전에 '자신의 영혼을 소유'한다는 것은 정말이지 비극이다. 에머슨은 '누구에게도 자신만의 행동보다 귀한 것은 없다'고 말한다. 그것은 전적으로 사실이다. 대부분의 사람들은 다른 사람이다. 그들의 생각은 다른 사람의 의견이며, 그들의 삶은 흉내 낸 것이고, 그들의 열정은 인용한 것이다. 아주 소수의 사람만이 죽기 전에 '자신의 영혼을 소유'한다는 것은 정말이지 비극이다. 에머슨은 '누구에게도 자신만의 행동보다 귀한 것은 없다'고 말한다. 그것은 전적으로 사실이다. 대부분의 사람들은 다른 사람이다. 그들의 생각은 다른 사람의 의견이며, 그들의 삶은 흉내 낸 것이고, 그들의 열정은 인용한 것이다. 그리스도는 단지 절대적인 개인주의자였을 뿐만 아니라, 역사상 최초의 개인주의자였다. 사람들은 그를 평범한 박애주의자로 만들거나, 또는 체계적이고 감상적인 이타주의자로 평가하려 했다. 그러나 그는 그런 사람이 아니었다. 그는 물론 가난한 이들과 감옥에 갇힌 이들과 신분이 낮은 이들, 불행한 이들을 불쌍히 여겼다. 그러나 그는 부자와 쾌락주의자, 무언가의 노예가 되기 위해 자신의 자유를 낭비하는 이들, 좋은 예복을 입고 왕실에 사는 이들을 더욱 불쌍히 여겼다. 그에게 부와 쾌락은 정말이지 가난이나 슬픔보다 더 비참한 것이었다. 그리고 이타주의에 대해서, 우리를 결정하는 것은 자유 의지가 아니라 소명이며, 가시나무에서 포도를 딸 수 없고 엉겅퀴에서 무화과를 딸 수 없다고 말한 그보다 이를 더 잘 알고 있던 이가 있을까?

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