Hello fellow mammals! My name is Savant. Im a cat, ladiesman, comedian, and catnip grower.

savant (42)in #introduceyourself • 8 years ago (edited)

Meow meow meow? Meow meow meow, meow!

Sorry about that. I forgot about who will be reading this introduction page. My name is Savant Pusung (meaning kitty young in Norwegian) and I’m a cat. Not just any cat though. As you can already see, I’m not your average, everyday house cat. I’ve got a lot going on. I do things other cats only dream about. All of which I’ll tell you about in the upcoming paragraphs.

Kittenhood and early years.

This article took me about two weeks to write. I can only type ten words a minute, mostly due to the fact that I don’t have fingers. Have you ever tried to type just using your palms? Give it a try, and you’ll see the hardship I’ve been having here. Lacking fingers is no big deal. I’ve overcome bigger obstacles than that. I grew up in a doublesingle parent home. What is that? Well, when I was just a kitten my father left my mother and me. Supposedly, he went out to get some food and never came back. I on the other hand believe that he was most likely found by someone and they took him to the pound.

Me as a kitten. Adorable right? Well... That's how I role.

My other "parent" is a 25 year old human who lives in a nice studio apartment. The human “adopted” my mother, and me. I use the term “adopted” loosely, because we’re cats and we basically do whatever we want. If I didn’t want to be here I’d and just bolt out the door when the human opened it to go to work.

My current work and hobbies.

But I must say I do enjoy the setup I have here. It’s a perfect front for my business. I’m a professional catnip dealer/grower. live in a nice neighborhood and nobody thinks someone like myself would be in this line of work. Well, I am.

Why do I do it?

I enjoy making bank. Living a carefree lifestyle. One day I’ll rule the world. You can’t do that when you're dead broke. Plus, I’m a cat pleaser. Other cats want to relax from being hassled by their owners all day. What better way than on catnip. Some people and other animals will say, “Catnip is a gateway drug”. I disagree. Catnip is just like marijuana, or so I’ve heard. It doesn’t do any real harm. And if cats are going to do catnip they might as well get it from me as they know I only deal the most pure, safe stuff on the market.

Last weeks supply.

I believe you should live your life to the fullest. Do what makes you happy. Never live with regrets. I mean you only live nine times.

When I’m not selling or growing catnip, I enjoy long walks in the forest. Sleeping. Taking naps. Trying to kill that red dot that shines on the wall and floor once in awhile. Climbing into empty boxes. Getting my head stuck in small glasses. The list could go on and on.

Me taking a shit in my human's flowerbed.

Now this might make me sound like a pussy, but I do like to cuddle. There’s nothing better than curling up on the couch, or bed, and just laying with my human. I highly recommend getting a human or two. It's especially great during those cold winter months. During the summer though things tend to get a little too hot. You gotta remember I wear a fur coat all year round. Gangsta right?

Cudleling with my human.

While I’ve been told and do see myself as an animal that is very loving, I can’t help but be an Ahole sometimes.

Whenever there’s something on the kitchen table, I’ve got to push it off. If my owner turns his attention away, even just for a minute, when she’s eating cereal, I’ve got to drink that milk. If I’m asked to do something, I tend to just look at you like I have no idea what you’re saying, but between you and me, I know exactly what you’re saying. Usually, I just don’t care. Maybe that’s a side effect from getting high off my own supply from time to time. Then again, I think that’s just how us cats are wired.

High on my own supply.

My values and purrrpose.

I believe in equal rights for all animals. Cats, dogs, bunnies, but I’m still on the fence about mice. To be honest I’ve killed a few of them in my day. Sometimes I kill them and present them as gifts for my human owner. For whatever season, she doesn’t take them as a kind and loving gesture.

One day I might run for cat president, but I think my catnip dealing would be something to keep me from taking office. That’s okay, I can always just pay off presidents, and cat senators to get things I want.

With the amount of sleep I like to get I’d probably do less work than that human president George Bush.

Personal inspiration.

I’ll wrap this up by telling you a few of my favorite cats. My first crush was on a girl cat I saw on TV. She appeared many times on the kid’s show, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. Her name was Henrietta Pussycat. My favorite singer, hands down (or should I say, paws down) is Cat Stevens. If I could meet any cat in the world it would probably be Grumpy Cat. I think she’d be a lot happier if she tired my catnip.