"Not Saying this to be a dick, but I don't think you're ready to do this" - Am I just a hobbyist filmmaker?

in #health7 years ago (edited)
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not saying this to be a dick... but don't worry so much about what other people think you should do.
Always try to see your work as a hobby because it means that you're having fun with it.

Big filmmakers with huge budgets are told that they will make the best movie of all times and fail miserably and small filmmakers who are told they will not ever succeed might make one of the best cult-classics you'll see in your lifetime.

And who knows... you might not make what you've intended to make. You still had fun with the experience and learned probably a lot for the next project.

Never EVER have your ambitions crushed by the opinion of 1 individual.

Hi Tim,

I appreciate your feedback.
I am aware that caring too much about other people's opinions is one of my weaknesses.
I'm working on that.

One of the main reasons why I posted this, is to get it out of my system and to actually talk about feelings.
I 'feel' there is a kind of tabu on sharing your feelings/ emotions - especially as men - and that leads to stress, burnout, etc. My father is a hart patient and has always suppressed his feelings, still does. I try to do the opposite. As long as I'm not able to deal with them myself, I will keep sharing them.

Yeah, all this was a great learning experience. Actually not my first time this happened. A similar thing happened back in 2015. Anyway, I'm definitely not crushed by this experience. Feeling kind of relieved. I definitely won't stop making movies.

Thanks again for the kind words!

I cannot in good conscience say what you should do but I will say that many successful people fail time and time again before they achieve success. We just don't see the failures in many cases. Also, I agree with a previous commenter that you shouldn't put so much stock into what other people think. If you feel they what you're doing is the right path for you then keep on! And who cares about what people think (I struggle with this at times).

Thank you for sharing your internal struggles. It seems like in a lot of cases, a person's social media will only represent the good things that happen and it paints an unrealistically positive picture of what's actually going on in the persons life. Not that there is anything wrong with this but it can make others feel hopeless and inferior.

I hope you find some peace and figure out what the right path is going forward.

You're welcome!

I don't like the word failure but you could indeed say that this is yet another failure in my filmmaking career. Another learning experience. Even though I should not put that much thought into what other people are thinking, sometimes they make you see something that you aren't/ weren't seeing yourself and that seems to have happened once again. Yeah, it's not all the smell of roses and moonshine (as we say in The Netherlands), although I would sometimes love to tell people the opposite...

Thanks for your kind words. I am already on my path towards peace, continuing my creativity journey...

@vincentnijman I will be honest with you. every start-up needs partners and funding! You should really redesign your communication approach. when it comes to communicating your worries and problems to the people you're involved with. Every successful person was way hungrier for success than a lion that hasn't eaten in days. your partners might be feeling the same stress you're going through and be as emotional about it as you are. Ans sometimes conversations can and may escalate to a point where you have to prove your commitment!
My advice, don't start if you will quit. If you start make sure you see it through to the end. You don't wanna end up with a mid-life crisis. Trust me I 've been there. You might wanna apologize to your partner and let him know that you were exhausted and he misunderstood the tone of your conversation. Better yet, take that break from the project you might really need it to pull your sh*t together. Good luck and wishing success with your project.

I appreciate your advice but I don't think you can finish everything you start. Believe me, I don't give up easily.
Vincent actually means to conquer ;)
This was just the drop that made the bucket overflow. We just had a conversation on Skype, I apologized, but we're not continuing our project/ collaboration. He did not want to give me the break that I dearly needed and thought doing that would make me quit anyway. I did not want to continue this way.

Thanks again!

Follow your passions and never let one person's opinion stop you. People will always doubt you. Maybe you just need a bit more practice or maybe that person isn't someone you should work with in the future. Stay positive and follow your dreams!

You're right. Kind of tough though if the person who doubts you is the one that you have been working on from the very start. I read or heard somewhere recently that even Walt Disney was doubted by friends and family. It didn't stop him though!

Even if this stops me from working on this project or ending this collaboration, I am convinced that it will never stop me as a creative and/ or filmmaker. I might just need to redefine my definition of success.

Great post @vincentnijman! It shows guts to be open about vulnerabilities. If filmmaking is indeed for you, the urge will come back. I don't see the point in doing things that hurt you. Your health is more precious than any amount of reward, whether that is financial or recognition.

Not saying this to be a dick, but here's some advice anyhow. Stop worrying about what others think of you, it really doesn't matter so much. Also, questions on your own personal abilities may end up only to slow you down.

You will simply feel it when you're in the zone, and when that happens, go for it.

Cheers! Yeah, it's a big learning experience indeed. The second time this happens to me when working on a feature length project. Really makes you doubt yourself. Anyway, I feel this is the kind of stuff that usually isn't shared. It might not be very postive but, in my opinions, it does not help to just read success stories.

I guess I wasn't in the zone and I started wondering if I will ever get back into it again. To be continued...

Vincent... if you want my advice... take a little time to ask yourself if doing what you are doing is giving you joy. If you want to succeed in something you're going to have to put in the work and you'll meet and get to work with people who take that joy away, but the journey and result is what is supposed to give you more joy in the end. If that's not case then I would suggest to reflect on your situation. Life is too short to be dealing with situations that take much needed joy away from you for longer periods of time.

I was an athlete, I was 5th of the world, I traveled the world, I went to youth olympics, to the Universiade... I was that good because I truly enjoyed the work, the journey and my results but there came a time were a bunch of reasons all together took the joy away for me and I couldn't do anything about it so after a year of dealing with all that I decided to walk way from the sport.

The outcome for me personally has been for the better. I had a great life as an athlete and I do miss that... but the decision was mine, and mine only.

Make your own decisions, team up with people who enrich your life, enjoy life, enjoy the journeys, enjoy the results, enjoy work. Find your joy.

I appreciate your advice. That is actually what I am planning to do. I tried to do the same, when I quit my (teaching) job a year ago. I thought spending 6.5 months on a small island did the trick. I felt strong and rested when I returned to The Netherlands, but that feeling didn't stuck.

If I think about it, I went to the island with a screenplay of a movie in my luggage. So, even though I thought I was taking time for myself, there was this project that was continually in my mind, from the start.

I am planning a new trip and this time I won't take a screenplay or any project with me. Although I can't promise anything.
I am a creative after all ;)

Hi @vincentnijman this is a good example of how movie making experience with others is. I was also a director for a 13 episodes animation series and was really working hard on it, travel a lot between two countries in Asia distant of 7000 km and make all possible to get the best team with world class standard to the best price. The company who hired me was a multinational from the US. I work from the really beginning of the project, the writing, character creation, art developments, story board and the first animation test, render and much more. One day the marketing head calls me and show me some proof that the studio manager and the top secretary have used about 150.000US for they own enrichment, they were sure nobody will never notice it. The studio manager had bought a Volvo car and the secretary had a new house. At that time the American boss producer was out for a month. As soon as I learn about that the studio manager fired the marketing head and he asks me to not come to the studio until the producer from the US came back. The day he arrives I got to the studio and police arrive and immigration and they start to make trouble for non existing things to the producer. So by the end i have learned by phone that I was kicked out and that the producer was under big corruption pressure from the head of the studio. So my take on that was just don't let shit disturb your life even if it is big. You're still alive and keep calm this is not the end of the world. Keep calm what ever you'll get a better chance after.

Wow! What an experience. Your story sounds like something that you can make a movie about.
Even though my project was micro budget (with a tiny m), I am sure you feel me on this.

This movie started out as a fun project with a lot of improv, to be shot on the island where I was staying. It slowly grew more and more complicated, I left the island, there was no money, people had no time. I could hardly take care of myself (at least financially), so how could I take care of others? It started to change into a behemoth, fun disappeared and I could not re-discover it. Instead of letting this overtake me, I decided to step back.

Thanks for your kind words/ concern. I won't let it overcome me. Can't say I feel relieved yet, it's still fresh, but I am sure I will feel better tomorrow and this experience will only make me stronger.

I am curious, did you stop filmmaking after what happened to you?

Happy to hear that you will go forward, this industry is very like that and not only in Hollywood but every where even in the no budget field there is always one guy who has an ego too big and make a shit of others. In my case, I get many other opportunities and has traveled all around Asia doing what I like and never stop doing it. My next project is for August next year and it will be my first feature to be shot in the wild as a war movie (real story) and already get the full support of the army who will be in the movie. Don't give up on your dream just keep on doing it and opportunities will always come to passionate people like us. After that story, i just feel like that is bad for them because they never finish the first season of the series. I follow you and who knows may be one day we will be on the same set. Anyways if one day you coming around south east Asia let me know. Keep on making what you're made for and don't let assholes break your dream. Regards

Hi @ricko66

Yeah, I might step back every now and then and quit a project, but stuff like this happened to me often enough to not let it take me down. It's actually the opposite. Stepping back gives me back my strength, something that was slowly draining from me in the process. An experience like this will actually make me stronger.

I have this tendency to let other people walk over me and suddenly I don't feel like the director anymore. I am always looking for a balance, but find it hard to set boundaries. When I realize they are overstepped, it's often too late. Harm is already done.

I am not calling this guy an asshole, we were friends for 4 years. I was the first person who actually tried to turn one of his screenplays into a feature and he had another one ready. A story that I like(d) a lot! Now the project is falling apart.

Anyway, we talked about it and in the end, he did not want to give me the space that I need to work on this, so that meant the end of our collaboration.

Glad to hear that you didn't give up either and have a big project like that coming up. Traveling Asia sounds pretty amazing. I myself have never been outside Europe but I feel that is definitely going to change. Perhaps thanks to Steemit?

I honestly feel that I should focus on smaller stuff right now to recharge my batteries and find back the fun. Who knows, perhaps the smaller stuff is actually what fits me better. Time will tell!

Hi @vincentnijman you want to concentrate on a smaller size project and this is fine. As a director on the set, you have the weights of every thing big and small on your shoulder and need to be more authoritarian than others to not get be eat by them and their problem. It can sound a little hard sometimes but it is your vision that is now shot and what ever problems each other in the team has to deal with, this is their job to make it work not yours. But I understand you have to get out from this project and refocus on other with a better strength. There is a very good example of a guy who success very big in Hollywood today, here is his youtube channel and all his own project was made with no budget but in a clever way, check all his videos there is a lot to take from him https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCp1DqwNVcFrft1wuPXM9rFQ
And no worry time will give you better opportunity. Peace and Happiness

I agree with you. The thing is, I wasn't even on set and I already had too many weight on my shoulders. too many responsibilities and all the different tasks actually made it very hard to keep track of my vision.

Thanks for the link. I will definitely check it out. I remember vaguely having heard of this guy. Very interesting!

Thanks again for the kind words and keep in touch!

We all have different opinions

Is there really anything wrong with being "just" a hobbyist? No one goes pro right off the bat. It takes years of work, dedication, and honing your craft before that happens. Ignore the haters and do what you love to do - just doing it will make you better at it. And who knows? Maybe someday the right person will love your work so much that they'll pay you to keep doing it.

Hi @spicyhamster ! Nice name ;)

There isn't necessarily anything wrong with being a hobbyist (filmmaker). It's just that if you're doing something full time - as I was doing - it's way more than a hobby. I totally agree with you that it's very important to ignore the haters but if the one person that you have worked with on a project since the start, is saying these kind of things and he seems to lose trust in you, it's very hard to continue.

Anyhow, I appreciate you reaching out to me and thank you for the kind words and support!
Have a great day! :)

Hi Vincent, good post. The questions are, I think, ones that all creatives struggle with, especially when things aren't going well. It's always been my dream to live from my creative work, but getting to that point is extremely difficult when you start at the bottom. If you look around at the people who are taking their films to festivals, the truth is that a good number of them come from a wealthier background--that not only makes their films have a higher production value, but also can give them a much-needed network if they want to crowdfund, and maybe even have a connection in Hollywood who will be key to their success. I'm not complaining about working near-zero-budget--all my films have been made that way--but it's not the same world as when Kevin Smith and Robert Rodriguez found fame. This is something I've had to realize slowly. I have always believed that if you work hard and don't give up, you will reach your goal, but I am not sure anymore if that is true. I think there are a lot of people who work hard year after year and things just don't work out... Of course I don't really know because you only hear about the successful ones. Anyway, I'm not trying to discourage you, these are just some thoughts that have been going through my mind the past year as I've struggled to make it as a creative. One thing I found helpful was the idea that it sometimes happens slowly as a process--the move from hobbyist to professional, I mean. I tend to think of it as one breakthrough moment, but often it's not like that.

Okay, all that being said, I have one suggestion as a filmmaker: get a producer. And I am saying this to myself as well. I have self-produced my last 4 short films and I have to say that being both director and producer is too big of a job for one person. Last summer I made a short film just with one other person (DP) and we took it slowly, just doing a few shots a day, but I remember saying to him one day, "I just feel so overwhelmed, all the time." And he said, "Well, you're making a movie." And I thought, yeah, I guess I am. The thing is, since I love making movies, I think I wasn't thinking about how stressful it actually is. It's hard to add a member to the team when you don't have money to pay them, but there are people out there who just love all the organizing, creating schedules, making phonecalls--all the parts I hate. ;) I need to find one of those people...

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