How to Avoid Getting Your Post on the Trending Page
![NoNamesLeftToUse - The Untrendables.jpeg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmbm4FMhyNZJNk4uQEvAzrTSPYKhLMRwCufcbAzoshoB9o/NoNamesLeftToUse%20-%20The%20Untrendables.jpeg)
To Start
From the beginning.
or
How to avoid doing a good job.
Step by step.
Tip #1
The Headline.
Maybe some people speed read? Are you here because you read, how article on trending so hard, instead?
example: This post won't trend because the headline sucks.
Tip #2
Make things extremely confusing for the reader.
Some people are simply stunned by default. It's best to be clear about these things.
example: You still have no idea how you got here, what you got here, when you got here, why you got here, who you got here and where he came from.
Tip #3
Stall as much as possible. Use subliminal messages. Then start talking about something else. Eventually explain something. Become angry for no reason. It's easier if I just draw you a picture.
Only the strong survive.
example: You are strong like the warrior.
Tip #4
Some things are better left unsaid.
example: That sounds like a pipe tipping. Tip. Tip. Tip. Tip.Tip #5
I took a fork button.
example: What the fuck is a fork button?Tip #6
He started to look like a blue Uncle Ben.
example: Nobody is afraid of a rice salesman.Tip #7
Who's going to give a shit about a big blue rice salesman? Nobody!
example: I started to see red.Tip #8
Self-explanatory.
Example: You can look down now.
Tip #9
That's what happens when you ring the bell too many times mister rice salesman. Rubber ducks make everything better.
Some people never learn.
Example: There are plenty of other examples in the basement.
Tip #10
TL;DR
During a battle with a strange new hallucinogen, a fight ensued. The Writer/Artist Himself gave up all hope of trending today when all he could think of writing was a shitty top ten list while observing strange bugs on his arm that wouldn't die. Then there was a knock at the door. The knock turned into thirty minutes of stuck door bell syndrome and a man yelling from the outside at the top of his lungs about how the bell won't stop ringing. That instance of disturbance quickly escalated into one bloody mess of a blue man ending up in the tub with the rest of the bell ringers who have not completely dissolved yet.
Have a nice day.
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As you can see from the comments already you are lending hope to all the new steemians with your informations!!! :O)
They can hardly wait till his next post for more good advice, hahaha
My informations is good informations. Robots can't read my informations though. My informations are like that on purpose just to fuck with the robots. That's my other hobby.
So I was trying to suggest some funny people for my sister to follow. You, @meesterboom and @sift666 were the only ones I could come up with. Honestly, are there really only 3 funny people on Steemit? Who have I forgotten?
Anyway, what I was getting to was that I went to the #funny Trending page and scrolled down and down past a load of boring old dross, until at about #70 I found a funny post about a Tumcat. Seriously, WTF? #70!
Yes. If you'd like see what a moron who spends more than all day working on art while writing oddly humorous stories about nothing looks like, simply scroll down to the bottom, keep scrolling, keep scrolling, keep scrolling there I am. Yes. I'm one of the three funny people and the steemit community really loves keeping me down there where it thinks I belong.
Only the part of the community that wouldn't know funny if it was sucking their dick...
My last blowjob was quite humorous but I think I'll save that story for another post that won't trend.
Snorfle! (to quote Mr Boom)
trending pages are bullshits. I find few funny pages and I follow those.
Sadly, most of artists and musicians take themselves very seriously - very elitist, isn't it?
There has been a time, long long ago, when a frog turned into a car and the whole world burned in flames of spagetti! The meatballs however, got lost on the Tennis field without being played! I was abacinated because the aide-de-camp told me that the amphibrach was full! So there.....
I think you came to the wrong place. That'll definitely trend. You can't fool me. Sorry to hear about your meatballs. I do hope they recover.
Excuse me while I feel hurt to the bone right now Mister no name! There is no way in diblip that this will trend what so evil! You must be wrong! I accept your apology! Thank you!
Even your sarcasm is undetectable. You'll be trending in no time. You're welcome!
I've really been looking for a guide like this. I've generally been pretty good at avoiding the trending page so far.
What I usually do is take the gist of what I'm writing about and then come up with the most boring title I can think of.
For example if I wrote about the time I got dumped at a Chinese restaurant, I might write.....
Eating Chinese food by myself.
See? Now that sounds really boring.
It's a skill that I'm really good at. It also helps to put a picture that has nothing to do with the title.
For example....... that post was actually about how my date stood me up and the horrible evening and all the various funny things that happened throughout it.
Therefore it's a good idea to put a picture of a blade of grass or a random tree.
It has nothing to do with what I'm talking about.......and the picture in and of itself is incredibly boring too.
So that way I take a really interesting tale of getting stood up at a Chinese restaurant without any money and trying to find my way home through all this traffic while a million different things happen to me and turn it into this.....
Eating Chinese food by myself.
With a picture of a really boring looking tree.
This usually works for me........ however I'm working on more and better techniques and I'm always open to ideas.
That is excellent advice. You're off to a good start and shouldn't be seeing the trending page any time soon.
Switch to pictures of a fast food place you took last year for the ending. Leave it at that for no reason. That always helps.
Our house doesn't have a door bell. I refuse to get one to deter people from visiting me. If I hear someone knocking I hide. This way it's easier to pretend I didn't hear the knock when the person calls me later to tell me they came by.
My fullproof method to keep off the trending page is to remain me. If I win the lottery and can power up to whalehood I'm totally screwed and will be trending all the time. Interestingly I'm sad about the rubber duckies dissolving in acid more than blue man.
The struggle is real. Remaining off of the trending page has become my trademark theme. As for the rubber duckies... they float on a thin layer of something else that stays at the surface. I'm not sure what it is, as I'm not a scientist, but I know it doesn't melt rubber ducks. They're safe.
I'm not quite sure but the TL;DR part about the stuck door bell reminded me about a trip I did years back in Newcastle, England. You've got to understand that city is full of characters, some of whom are a little dodgy. And a fair few of them, pretty weird.
To cut a long story short, for some reason or other I went to the shop which was only around the corner. On the way back, some wideboy came up to me and said, 'hey mister, is this your cat?' - He was holding a cat.
I ran home (round the corner). For the rest of the night, I could have sworn I could hear calling through my letterbox, 'hey, have you lost a cat?' And the odd - human - meowing through my letterbox.
Whilst I probably hallucinated half the sounds, I'm pretty sure I must have been seen entering my house by this guy and I'm fairly sure he did spend some time at my letterbox.
I had never seen that cat before in my life and it certainly didn't live in my cat-less student house (landlord's rules). Never saw the guy again, either, thankfully.
I think you might have the wrong support group. You story sounds like it would trend to me. I hate it though, when my mailbox talks to me. I tried to write it a letter, but I never got a response.
Very good! :D
All this reading, reading - it's too much to follow. Could you do a 8-minute DTube video where you read your list. You can start by just staring at us and then drinking. Talk slow and drift to another topic here and there. That way, we can form a human connection. And help you not trend on DTube, too. We are all in this non-trending together, except for a few....
And I agree about the rubber ducks. Yours are nice with all that splatter. That's a nice artistic touch, for sure!
Talking heads. That's what the world needs more of right now. Never mind this never before seen style stuff. I should start out by preparing people for two minutes and explain how they are about to enjoy a joke, like these other jokers do. That way, I'll insult the intelligence of the viewer, but not in a way they'd understand, before I get started. That would be a good way to stay off of the trending page.
See? You already lost my attention because I had to wait for a answer - a written answer, no less. Video, or non-stop talk radio, is the only thing that I can relate to. I won't know what you are saying, but I will feel something. Without the effort of reading or thinking. All this reading you want me to do! You will stay off the trending page forever. Especially when you have followers that are a week or more behind in answering comments, lol! ; )
Ah! By reading the wrong way to do it, you know how to do it right. Unless the light bulb needs replacing you are good to go. Thanks for the inversed humor. Love it!
You're welcome. At least you knew what you read, so that's a good sign. Thanks!
Fantastic, haha =]. Rubbery ducks DO make everything better. Is the rice saleman picking his nose?
How cool. You actually noticed the finger. Yes. There's a bit of hidden nose picking going on there.
Haha nice =] I'm glad I wasn't imagining it...
Let me tell you how I finally voted and read this post:
First I see "How to Avoid Getting Your Post on the Trending Page" I was like...Me getting my post on the trending page? You must be kidding me. WHY SHOULD I EVEN BOTHER READ THAT?
Oh well, I will read it because I like this fellow wacko's posts a lot (he rarely reads mine lol). Reading...Keith Flint from The Prodigy again...Cool! I am listening to the Firestarter now! Every time I read your posts I reminisce the 90's for some strange reason. Ahhh nostalgia!
PS. My votes gives 10 cents now. I feel like incredible Hulk!
Sounds like you've been taking a few fork buttons too. I'm certain everyone will want to know how to avoid the trending page though.