Surrender - A Dreamy Freewrite about Losing Control and Letting Go
...and I wish I knew how to let go.
To be honest, I don't really know why or for whom I'm writing this piece, but if there's one place I want to record these messy and tangled thoughts, it's here.
I'm completely emotionally exhausted right now and yet, somehow it feels like the perfect time to let these words out, even though I know there might not be many ears waiting to listen.
There's this feeling inside me I can't quite explain.
It seems like every time I'm deeply hurt to a point where I feel like letting go of everything and everyone, this strange feeling inside me makes me feel invited and comfortable.
It's like hallucinating in the melody of the most beautiful song ever written, gazing dumbstruck in wonder at the most beautiful star ever seen in the night sky, and falling into the bottom of the deepest ocean there is.
For some reason, even being hurt feels comfortable after a while. Sounds crazy, but you start to appreciate that you were hurt this way and hurt so deeply.
It's only when you break open can the light get in.
It's a high unlike any other I've ever experienced before. It's that point where you're on the verge of breaking apart and you know you have no intention to pick up the pieces once you do.
Whenever I feel it, it feels like this feeling has been quietly sitting in my mind waiting for me to return. For some reason, it feels more familiar than any person I've ever met.
It makes me want to stay in this feeling for as long as I can; free from all my fears and worries of the future, undesirous of anything and incredibly grateful for everything.
And with time it fades away like it never visited. But I know it will return, and when it does, I'll welcome it like a long lost lover.
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