The tall pale demon in black. I gave him an imaginary brain. But now I realise that I have lost my mind. I wandered through a wasteland last night trying to find a way to go.

We were riding on a bus when due to heavy fog it crashed. The bus smashed into a tree. No one was hurt, but the bus was broken. We were in the middle of a dense forest. The trees loomed up higher than I could see through the dense haze. We had to keep moving forward. From the fog monsters lurked. As we set off forward to the town up ahead you gave me a key. It was special. I did not know what it opened. I did not have time to ask you. As we began to move forward millions of spiders came at us. They came from the fog; from behind us. We ran. The spiders did not catch us. They could not. We were too fast. We were big and strong. We were humans. Eventually we got to the town. The town was deserted. Thick fog still loomed in the air. We ran up a hill towards the one shop that still seemed to be open. The spiders were still coming. They would always be chasing us unless we found a way out. But I knew we could do it. I had no fear. We would find a way. As we entered the shop there were still a few consumers wandering around aimlessly doing what consumers do best. They were unaware of the approaching danger from the millions of black spiders. At first I thought about grabbing supplies and equipping ourselves. Perhaps we could fight the spiders off. We had stopped in a shop and were wasting time so perhaps they would be here soon. But then I remembered the key you gave me. It had the shape of a totem. I opened it. Then I realised what it unlocked. It was… surprising. Another tunnel…

…

So many dreams, but last night I dreamt of one thing. I dreamt of her. There was nothing else. Just her… I don’t know for how long the dream lasted. Perhaps seconds, maybe hours. Now my heart has stopped racing. My appetite has returned. I now realise that feelings are forever. I cannot deny that. All the pain and sorrow I felt was not caused by love. This love that grew like a tumour inside of me has forever changed me, all in an instant. That which was there before is now gone. The sorrow and sadness was not from the love. The love I felt made me want to change. It made me want to be a better person. I have changed. Forever changed in that instant. I smashed everything. I had to. It was the only way to get myself to stop lying to myself. I love her. Denying it was killing me. That was my first delusion; attempting to convince myself otherwise. You see I have been in many relationships before. There was always a mix of infatuation, affection, lust, friendship, and whatever else. I tried to believe that this feeling she had stirred in me was just another one of these. Have you ever seen a couple together that just seem right for each other? And you wonder what it is they have? You can always see that something special, but I could never quite figure out what it was. I didn’t know what love was until she brought it out of me. She evoked it, creating a burning hot core inside of me. I am on fire. Although I now know that true love is real, I am still new to it. I am still learning.

My first delusion was denying that I loved her. My second delusion was believing that she would love me back. Perhaps she did in some form or other, but regardless my brain was delusional. It made me plan and scheme ways to get her to like me, to get her to love me like I loved her. It told me that maybe she secretly loved me, or that maybe she would love me.

“Of course with feelings so strong it is bound to be true” said my brain.

My sorrow and sadness came from my brain. But this love I felt… when I finally accepted it. When I smashed everything, including myself, I changed. I saw my mind for what it was; delusional. Love set me free. It helped me break free from my non-existent brain. For we are not real, it is the feelings which are the reality. Holding onto delusions brought me temporary happiness but long term suffering, but I now follow my heart. Happiness is mine. I am not with her. But the love is still there regardless. When I accepted this new feeling I felt as if I had woken up from a dream. I often wake up from dreams. But this is now a dream I wish never to wake up from. The love made me feel crazy. It made me do things I would normally never do. It completed me. I am whole. Now there are no heartbreaks… only dreamscapes.

The future is a dream.

Narrator: Every dream comes to an end as you wake up into the next.
The Dreamer is consumed by madness, delusional while pretending to acknowledge delusions, and also contradictory.
It’s easy to feel sorry for this poor Dreamer high off of his own dreams… talking nonsense.
What delusional nonsense do you believe?
And what do you say?
Is there a difference?

Believing in hope

With a heavy heart heavier than lead
It beats and pumps a viscous red
Sending forlorn thoughts to my head
I feel alive but I feel dead
All because I want to be with her
My heart twists and writhers
As my good intention slowly withers

Why must I feel?
I did not ask for this ordeal
From my feelings I must restrain
As I quietly bear the pain

I did not ask to exist
But from the very moment we first kissed
Loving you was something I could never resist

I feel dead but I feel alive
My head as light as a feather
Somehow believing in hope
That one day we may be together

Narrator: No more heartbreak the Dreamer claims?
Yet hope is always a prelude…

My strong strings attached burning heart

My strong strings attached burning heart
Must cut the cords of your mysterious feelings
High hopes and deepest dreams
Lost somewhere down life’s streams
All of happiness
And all of sadness
Rolled into one
We built a tower of Babel
And we watched it fall
We ignited a star
And we felt the heat
The law of unintended consequences
We lived and we felt
But now like strangers
With intimate knowledge of each other

My strong strings attached burning heart
Cannot cut the cord to the beauty you indulged me with
High hopes and deepest dreams
I could never cut those strong strings
It’s just one of those things
I’m stubborn
I still love you
In such a way I could never express
Nothing has changed inside of me
But the world has changed around us
I can’t say I know you anymore
Or that I ever truly did
I’ve never known another soul
But I’m pretty sure with you
I caught a glimpse

Narrator: The Dreamer is evidently still lost in the world of dreamscapes.

My Resting Heart rate

My Resting Heart rate is zero

Narrator: And a poetrical confession!
Dead on the inside.
The subconscious always knows.

To be continued...

@RiskDebonair
Irish Writer, Poet, & Lover

Previously

Dream 6
Dream 589
Dream 5
Dream 4
Dream 3
Dream 2
Dream 1
The Dream Before the First Dream