Cheers @papacrusher. This 'finish the story' comp is one of my favorite creative exercises on steemit. It is a fantastic way to get the prose muscles loose and sometimes a true gem is forged in the process. Word limits are my nemesis. Ever since university I have struggled with them ;-)
Greetings, brave storyteller! Congratulations for winning the popular vote in Week #21! Finish the Story Contest - Weeek #22 is out, crispy and warm, on the Bananafish blog! Now, with an increased overall prize of 8 SBI shares!
An awesome story, my friend. You capure my attention and the ominous danger licks the mind as I root for the soldier faced with the insidious power of the Those. Well written.
Thank you Janelle. I'm glad it had that sense of immediacy and the alien powers of the 'Those' came across in the narrative. I wasn't sure if it had danced the line between trying to be inventive and just ending up confusing. Anyway, the main thing is that it creep-ed people out and had that fiery violence as well ;-)
The imagery! Not what I should read right before going to bed! Wow!
*Those wispy tendrils of night-clad armoured tails curled above toothy maws. Pyramidal heads with pale milky eyes and those broken backs, spines all wrong, seeming to pin them to the earth. *
Wow, wow, wow... and that is just ONE LINE....
I wote this just before bed and it had the strange effect of removing all the creeping horror from my mind and leaving me with light and airy dreams. Ha ha, I wonder if this is why the Clive Barker's of this world write horror? It's not because they have personal demons torturing their souls, just so they can get a good nights sleep ;-)
P.s. I'm glad you enjoyed the story Carol and I hope the nightmares were bearable.
P.p.s. I am in no way comparing myself to Clive Barker!!! I wish. He's just one of my fav horror authors is why I mentioned him.
If "Light and airy dreams" come to writers of horror, I must start writing gruesome scenes of violence and gore! Raj, this is an awesome insight. May I quote you to author Harvey Click, an Ohio university professor who gets me to read horror because his prose is just that good? I've never read Clive Barker. Harvey... "The Bad Box" .... only 99 cents at Amazon US (not sure about UK) ... just incredible. And yet Harvey, like our @raj808, is one of the nicest human beings you'll ever meet. This seems to be true of most horror writers. Maybe people who only write nice stuff are secretly the real villains...? {hahaha}
P.S. Nope, no nightmares after reading your vivid little scene! :) I've been taking 10 mg of melatonin every night before bed, and it's had the pleasant side effect of me not remembering my dreams. Husband doesn't need a pill for that: he almost never remembers his dreams, and he's the most well-adjusted, rational man I know. Funny, I hadn't even thought about it until now: I haven't remembered a dream for months!
May I quote you to author Harvey Click, an Ohio university professor who gets me to read horror because his prose is just that good?
Quote away @carolkean. I would be honored. I shall check out that book recommendation.
Nope, no nightmares after reading your vivid little scene! :) I've been taking 10 mg of melatonin every night before bed, and it's had the pleasant side effect of me not remembering my dreams.
Sometimes I think about trying melatonin as I remember 3-4 dreams per night on average and it leaves me in a state of perpetual half-lucidity in the waking world. Ha ha, at least that could be why I'm knackered and dreamy all the time. Strange thing is, I have had sporadic night terrors all of my life (although they have eased the last 5 years). The upshot of experiencing night terrors since I was a teenager, is that I can have the most horrific dreams but can usually dismiss them within 60 seconds of waking. The first minute is rather unpleasent but after that it's like casting off a heavy coat, it all just falls away. The fear, the faces, the creeping perspiration. It's all great inspiration for horror writing, and when I explore these dark undercurrents in writing, it is almost like exorcising them from my mind. No chance of night terrors after a session of horror writing. This is the only way I can explain it. It just seems to clear it from my subconscious.
The almighty bananafish has arisen from the couch of doom ;-) Cheers man, I really wanted to go for creepy and also as a kind of style or literary device. The comparison between fierce gun blazing action to the creeped-out psychic communication of the Those hive beings and their completely alien way of assimilating through consuming. I dunno, I hoped the fast paced combat stuff extenuated the slower parts and their creepy-ness. Thanks for visiting bananafish
P.s. I've added the comp branding banner to the post now as I hadn't visited the discord in a day or two and only just saw that I had access to the banner vault ;-)
You reached your goals! The slower parts aren't slow at all, and the contrast with the combat scene is estranging, in a good way! The feeling is deliberately disturbing.
Rowan, can you explain to me a bit more the middle section where the black-robed character establishes a contact and finally merges with the creatures? Was he somehow like a conjurer against that last bulwark of humanity?
Hi @f3nix, I think I see where confusion has arisen. That final part where they become insubstantial and wrap around him was just so that they could travel with him through the teleportation of the mana-glove. They did not merge with him truly (I think I shall change that word), the black-robed character is the same person as Sephon at the end of the story. The assimilation of Sephon comes through his devouring at the end. I wanted to experiment with exposition a little in this story which is why the action jumps from present in part 1, to past in the middle part then back to the present in the final part. It is quite difficult to get back story in such a short word limit so I chose to try to give impressions as much as I can. For example, no one but me as the writer knows that the 'Those' can't get to the fortress in the sky without some type of human help but it is kind of implied, so I leave that in the ether (or subtext).
Also, I was wrestling with how to communicate the complete alien aspect of the 'Those' perspective (this is why I used the text block to show telepathic communication). As a true hive species, with no idea of self they would have no idea of time etc.Also, no idea of the indevidual. So when the black-robbed character is asking when he will be devoured (assimilated), I wanted that confusion between conceptualization to be clear. The 'Those' simply wouldn't understand from the context, until he explained to them that he was asking when he would be a number amoung the many Fourth of many.
I absolutely love Iain M Banks and the culture series of Sci-Fi novels and he does this type of thing amazingly well with his ships minds conversations. Anyway, I hope that explanation hasn't just made it more confusing ;-)
Ok perfect.. this clarifies a lot! Let me read it with calm (at work now 😉) and give you a proper reply! Maybe it's me, bud, and you don't have to change or modify anything .. it's just that, at the cost of looking stupid, I also prefer to ask than a general comment. You're next guest star in edition 22 btw, are you ready? I'm already so curious ..
Ha ha. You made me panic then for a moment. I still have 4-5 days until it has to be ready I think. I have a deadline for a writing comp on steemit and a writing comp off steemit, both need to be done by Sunday. I will get those two stories written and edited and then shall start writing a real 'Finish the Story' style genre beginning for ya. You need it by Wednesday next week right?
It's a remarkable work, considering the word limit.. and thanks for clarifying the narrative exposure you used. The communication with those, in my opinion, is the most convincing part but everything respects your usual high standards. With you, an exegesis is always worth to be asked. About your story, it would be best to have it for Wednesday afternoon so that in the evening everything goes smooth ..see what you can do and thanks! p.s.: also if you feel like, feel free to add an intro about you or a project you want to give relevance..
I admit I needed the help of Google Translate for fully understand your ending. I wasn't sure if all the combat scene was happening fot real or in the mind of the man being devoured by the Those, and I was even usure if it was the Legionnaire or Sephon to be devoured!
Now, I think I understand everything and I can congratulate you!
To be fair @marcoriccardi, I noticed the end section of the story could be a little confusing. I'm glad it became clear on the second reading. P.s. it was definitely sephon who was being devoured as the legionnaire looked on in horror 😉
I think you choose wisely when you decline to squish a concept to fit into 500 words. Without the luxury of words, how could you have woven this tale of absolute consumption? I just wonder--do you have nightmares :)
Yes, unfortunately I have pretty bad nightmares but silver lining.... great for inspiration.
I'm kinda working on the assumption that if I try for the 500 word limit and make sure it's below 800 then it will be ok. I learned my lesson after week 19 insane 2000 word offering 😂
Thanks for checking out this entry @agmoore, glad you enjoyed it 🙂
I love the rich language you use and how it envelops the senses.
I also struggle with word count restrictions. Excellent work!
Cheers @papacrusher. This 'finish the story' comp is one of my favorite creative exercises on steemit. It is a fantastic way to get the prose muscles loose and sometimes a true gem is forged in the process. Word limits are my nemesis. Ever since university I have struggled with them ;-)
It is a really great contest. I've participated in one or two, but I definitely need to revisit them.
Greetings, brave storyteller! Congratulations for winning the popular vote in Week #21!
Finish the Story Contest - Weeek #22 is out, crispy and warm, on the Bananafish blog!
Now, with an increased overall prize of 8 SBI shares!
As a follower of @followforupvotes this post has been randomly selected and upvoted! Enjoy your upvote and have a great day!
An awesome story, my friend. You capure my attention and the ominous danger licks the mind as I root for the soldier faced with the insidious power of the Those. Well written.
Thank you Janelle. I'm glad it had that sense of immediacy and the alien powers of the 'Those' came across in the narrative. I wasn't sure if it had danced the line between trying to be inventive and just ending up confusing. Anyway, the main thing is that it creep-ed people out and had that fiery violence as well ;-)
Oh yes, you nailed it!
The imagery! Not what I should read right before going to bed! Wow!
*Those wispy tendrils of night-clad armoured tails curled above toothy maws. Pyramidal heads with pale milky eyes and those broken backs, spines all wrong, seeming to pin them to the earth. *
Wow, wow, wow... and that is just ONE LINE....
I wote this just before bed and it had the strange effect of removing all the creeping horror from my mind and leaving me with light and airy dreams. Ha ha, I wonder if this is why the Clive Barker's of this world write horror? It's not because they have personal demons torturing their souls, just so they can get a good nights sleep ;-)
P.s. I'm glad you enjoyed the story Carol and I hope the nightmares were bearable.
P.p.s. I am in no way comparing myself to Clive Barker!!! I wish. He's just one of my fav horror authors is why I mentioned him.
If "Light and airy dreams" come to writers of horror, I must start writing gruesome scenes of violence and gore! Raj, this is an awesome insight. May I quote you to author Harvey Click, an Ohio university professor who gets me to read horror because his prose is just that good? I've never read Clive Barker. Harvey... "The Bad Box" .... only 99 cents at Amazon US (not sure about UK) ... just incredible. And yet Harvey, like our @raj808, is one of the nicest human beings you'll ever meet. This seems to be true of most horror writers. Maybe people who only write nice stuff are secretly the real villains...? {hahaha}
P.S. Nope, no nightmares after reading your vivid little scene! :) I've been taking 10 mg of melatonin every night before bed, and it's had the pleasant side effect of me not remembering my dreams. Husband doesn't need a pill for that: he almost never remembers his dreams, and he's the most well-adjusted, rational man I know. Funny, I hadn't even thought about it until now: I haven't remembered a dream for months!
Quote away @carolkean. I would be honored. I shall check out that book recommendation.
Sometimes I think about trying melatonin as I remember 3-4 dreams per night on average and it leaves me in a state of perpetual half-lucidity in the waking world. Ha ha, at least that could be why I'm knackered and dreamy all the time. Strange thing is, I have had sporadic night terrors all of my life (although they have eased the last 5 years). The upshot of experiencing night terrors since I was a teenager, is that I can have the most horrific dreams but can usually dismiss them within 60 seconds of waking. The first minute is rather unpleasent but after that it's like casting off a heavy coat, it all just falls away. The fear, the faces, the creeping perspiration. It's all great inspiration for horror writing, and when I explore these dark undercurrents in writing, it is almost like exorcising them from my mind. No chance of night terrors after a session of horror writing. This is the only way I can explain it. It just seems to clear it from my subconscious.
Ha ha, deep philosophical stuff for a Friday ;-)
A true masterpiece! The ending is creepy as you promised!
The almighty bananafish has arisen from the couch of doom ;-) Cheers man, I really wanted to go for creepy and also as a kind of style or literary device. The comparison between fierce gun blazing action to the creeped-out psychic communication of the Those hive beings and their completely alien way of assimilating through consuming. I dunno, I hoped the fast paced combat stuff extenuated the slower parts and their creepy-ness. Thanks for visiting bananafish
P.s. I've added the comp branding banner to the post now as I hadn't visited the discord in a day or two and only just saw that I had access to the banner vault ;-)
You reached your goals! The slower parts aren't slow at all, and the contrast with the combat scene is estranging, in a good way! The feeling is deliberately disturbing.
Rowan, can you explain to me a bit more the middle section where the black-robed character establishes a contact and finally merges with the creatures? Was he somehow like a conjurer against that last bulwark of humanity?
Hi @f3nix, I think I see where confusion has arisen. That final part where they become insubstantial and wrap around him was just so that they could travel with him through the teleportation of the mana-glove. They did not merge with him truly (I think I shall change that word), the black-robed character is the same person as Sephon at the end of the story. The assimilation of Sephon comes through his devouring at the end. I wanted to experiment with exposition a little in this story which is why the action jumps from present in part 1, to past in the middle part then back to the present in the final part. It is quite difficult to get back story in such a short word limit so I chose to try to give impressions as much as I can. For example, no one but me as the writer knows that the 'Those' can't get to the fortress in the sky without some type of human help but it is kind of implied, so I leave that in the ether (or subtext).
Also, I was wrestling with how to communicate the complete alien aspect of the 'Those' perspective (this is why I used the text block to show telepathic communication). As a true hive species, with no idea of self they would have no idea of time etc.Also, no idea of the indevidual. So when the black-robbed character is asking when he will be devoured (assimilated), I wanted that confusion between conceptualization to be clear. The 'Those' simply wouldn't understand from the context, until he explained to them that he was asking when he would be a number amoung the many
Fourth of many.I absolutely love Iain M Banks and the culture series of Sci-Fi novels and he does this type of thing amazingly well with his ships minds conversations. Anyway, I hope that explanation hasn't just made it more confusing ;-)
Ok perfect.. this clarifies a lot! Let me read it with calm (at work now 😉) and give you a proper reply! Maybe it's me, bud, and you don't have to change or modify anything .. it's just that, at the cost of looking stupid, I also prefer to ask than a general comment. You're next guest star in edition 22 btw, are you ready? I'm already so curious ..
Ha ha. You made me panic then for a moment. I still have 4-5 days until it has to be ready I think. I have a deadline for a writing comp on steemit and a writing comp off steemit, both need to be done by Sunday. I will get those two stories written and edited and then shall start writing a real 'Finish the Story' style genre beginning for ya. You need it by Wednesday next week right?
It's a remarkable work, considering the word limit.. and thanks for clarifying the narrative exposure you used. The communication with those, in my opinion, is the most convincing part but everything respects your usual high standards. With you, an exegesis is always worth to be asked. About your story, it would be best to have it for Wednesday afternoon so that in the evening everything goes smooth ..see what you can do and thanks! p.s.: also if you feel like, feel free to add an intro about you or a project you want to give relevance..
I admit I needed the help of Google Translate for fully understand your ending. I wasn't sure if all the combat scene was happening fot real or in the mind of the man being devoured by the Those, and I was even usure if it was the Legionnaire or Sephon to be devoured!
Now, I think I understand everything and I can congratulate you!
To be fair @marcoriccardi, I noticed the end section of the story could be a little confusing. I'm glad it became clear on the second reading. P.s. it was definitely sephon who was being devoured as the legionnaire looked on in horror 😉
I think you choose wisely when you decline to squish a concept to fit into 500 words. Without the luxury of words, how could you have woven this tale of absolute consumption? I just wonder--do you have nightmares :)
Yes, unfortunately I have pretty bad nightmares but silver lining.... great for inspiration.
I'm kinda working on the assumption that if I try for the 500 word limit and make sure it's below 800 then it will be ok. I learned my lesson after week 19 insane 2000 word offering 😂
Thanks for checking out this entry @agmoore, glad you enjoyed it 🙂
Nice ending, good luck tomorrow. I'm glad I'm not judging this week. Congratulations. 👏