Everyday things change, from little subtle changes that we hardly notice , to the ones that slap us in the face, so that we can not ignore them. Things change in nature all the time, it is part of the natural cycle of life. I have always been a big advocate for change as it brings with it the opportunity to learn and in doing so move forward in our lives.

But damn those big changes can be hard and exhausting and if we are not careful, can leave us feeling drained and a shadow of our former self. The last few weeks have been been just like that for me, if you read my posts you are well aware that my life has changed. Where once we were a family of 5 humans in the Truck now we are a family of 4 humans.

My now ex partner is not around and I have been trying to find my groove within this single parent dance. Some days have been better than others that is for sure. Now I love a good dance and I am always up for a boogie, but this one is of a different sort and I find that sometimes I am not so sure footed. Especially On the emotional side of things. I am trying to make sure that my 2 eldest girls are given the opportunity to express themselves when they need too. And that really is a step into the unknown. It is difficult to see them get upset and know that there is nothing I can do to alleviate their pain, because what they want is for things to go back to the way they were. They want their papa in the truck and that is not something I can do.

Hearing my 5 year say that she wishes that he was at home and that both him and me still cared about one another, has been really tough. It has really been, heart breaking. I have explained that no matter what happens and no matter where I am or their papa is, that we both love them very, very much and that nothing, absolutely nothing will change that. That sometimes things have to change so that they can get better and so that in the end we can all be happy again. But I also know that they need to hear that from him also, but he is not around, so it falls on me to reassure them and shower them with love.

My youngest at 16 months is just too young to grasp what is going on, so she is, as always, being her wonderful, amazing self and entertaining us and wowing us regularly throughout each day. How lucky I am to have my 3 girls with me, they keep me grounded and constantly remind me how strong I am and that I will get through this. I have the best little team with me now and answering the Ecotrain question of the week yesterday really did help me remember that. And what a team we are, my 5 year old has been constantly drawing me pictures to cheer me up, always with lots of spirals and rainbows. Going out of her way to tidy up and help me. My eldest is more wild and always a hard one to pin down, not that I really want to. But lately she has been coming to me more to tell me she loves me, whilst looking quite intensely into my eyes.

How lucky I am! With everything that is going on, how lucky I am!

Through all of this I have been thinking more about the practical side of things, mainly how I am going to financially support myself and my girls. I home educate my girls and my youngest is not even 1 and a half so working away from home is not an option for me. So the last few days I have been thinking about what I can offer to the world, I have trained to be a Doula but that is not about earning money, I could never ask to be paid for that. So what can I draw upon in order to make an income?

One thing that came to me is that I am not the only mother to have to go through this, to have to find a way to support themselves and their children. I am not alone here. I personally do not want any money from any government, I am responsible for the upbringing of my children and for my own life and I want no one interfering in that. I feel very strongly about this. I have chosen a lifestyle that works well for me and I will find a way to maintain that. I have had some people say to me, why don't you go back to Ireland and that way you will get some social welfare and even a house. But that is not my path, not my way.

So I have decided to start a woman's co-operative in the area that I live in, this may seem like a huge undertaking, but not if I have other mothers who wish to get involved. If I am to find a way to help myself, why not make it something that can help others also. And one thing I have learned, is If you want something you have to make it happen. I love to create rituals, to celebrate the seasons and life itself. I want to create this space, bring women together and find ways that we can create something filled with love and hugely positive intentions that we can then send out into the world. The seed has been planted and now I will watch as it grows.

I am using this as an opportunity to put my intention of the woman's co-operative out into the world. When we say a thing we make it real and that is the very first step in making it happen.

I hope to write more about this very soon. But until then, remember we are the creators of our world, so lets create something wonderful.

8 Pillars of TribeSteemUp