Black Star

in contest •  last year 

Created for Finish the Story Contest - WEEK #20

Black Star

=====@f3nix Beginning========

And finally dawn came, mercilessly, to reveal the blasphemous massacre of that night. The sulphur smell of the Flaegreian fields was blending with that of blood and entrails, while clots of death, horribly coagulated one with the other, slowly melted inside the iridescent acid water pools. There was no honour of weapons for the vanquished, whose remains were hideously smeared on the battlefield.

Instead, something else was crawling in that silent scene: the unnatural profanity of a rape, far beyond the concept of victory of one army over the other. It was as if the ground, pierced by fumaroles and teeming with mutilated bodies, wanted to shout to the sky a silent cry of faltering horror.

From the piles of corrupt meat, a black pillar emerged in the middle of the plain. An invisible and incandescent flame was emanating from that dark mountain, making the landscape all around tremulous due to the intense heat.

"I brought you some wine, Xarag." The man in armour approached cautiously to the black and immobile human tower.

"I do not find it right that you have to stay still for all this time instead of celebrating ..".

"Tell me you did not come alone just with that nauseating spicy wine." Glaring through the black metal of the helmet, the paladin abruptly interrupted the officer.

"I also have the serum, Xarag. Our queen never forgets the needs of her most valiant servants"

"Oh yes, she's always so thoughtful". The sudden pain obliged the paladin to an added effort for emitting the last word, which barely came out through the bloody clenched teeth.

"Do not worry, I cannot figure out how much you suffer, Xarag, and I won’t even dare to, but I promise you that also this time, when it has cooled down, we will manage to get you out of the gift".

"The gift, of course, guard of the queen. I know you'll do a good job with that piece of meat that still sticks to my bones," the black tower murmured in a metal hiss. "Now pour the whey into the wine and then leave me. You, at least, go and celebrate."

Xarag, the Black Star, barely approached the chalice at the deformed hole of the helmet and drank avidly. His meats, slowly devoured by his own armour, produced sounds that he would never get used to. He wanted to look up from that vision of death, he wanted to look for a star in the sky, among the poisonous and sulphur fumes, but the steel colour of the abyss no longer allowed it by many battles. He wanted to think to her, if only he didn’t have to bleed for the effort of not being torn apart in his body, mind and soul at the same time. For him, the battle would have still continued in solitude for long hours.

The fires projected cheerful arabesques on the cobalt walls of the camp tents, where the unrestrained bacchanal of victory was taking place. A group of officers argued in the galley tent, away from the crowds.

"I told you they did not fight! The angel approached, and they just looked at each other for a very long time .. at least that's what I saw as long as I could," said the young man with shelled eyes to the rest of the group.

"If only I could fight one of those damned celestials simply by standing by.. Maybe even while scratching my balls.” The silly laugh of the inexperienced official interrupted in a strangled sob.

"Listen to me well, piece of dung. Just because you miraculously survived your first battle and you got good marks at the academy, do you think you gained the right to talk about the Black Star?" The veteran's arm had relentlessly triggered at the young man's throat with a ruthless grip.

"First of all, that was not just an angel, but it was one of the Powers, sent into battle directly from the third triad. Have you already forgotten the lessons on the enemy hierarchy, cutie?" The grip loosened just before the colour of the young officer passed from red to dark purple.

"Also," continued the veteran, "you can bet they were fighting, as the Power had managed to overtake the first two auras of Xarag's armour and was now attempting to force the third inner one.. "

"Disintegration of the essence." Like gnarled invisibile fingers, a murmur ran through the soldiers.

The senior officer would have continued but was interrupted by a loud disturbing roar. The immediate shock-wave overwhelmed those present and all the contents of the tent. Perhaps the battle was not completely over.

=====My Ending======

The veteran was the first out of his tent. Before his eyes were two more angels accompanied by a few legends of men. "Scramble to your defensive positions, maggots! Protect the gift!"

The advancing army has the element of surprise.

Intoxicated, hoards of men stumble to their defensive positions. The veteran signals for the troops to target the middle of the pack. A hail of gunfire cuts down the enemy combatants in its way. Blood sprays out from the severed limbs falling to the floor. Heads pop off and fall to the ground with wide open eyes.

The army before them keeps advancing as if losing men left and right was no different than an ocean of water losing a few drops of water. "Officer, move your men to defend the wall," said the veteran as he climbed up a later to get a better view of the unfolding scene.

The officer is moving his a group of men along the acid water pools when a blast ray hits the ground beside them. A few of the men, unable to retain their balance from the shards of rock breaking their leg bones, fall into the acid water pools. The men cover their faces, attempting to avoid the holes being burned into their eyes. Immediately, their skin starts to peel off like a piece of beef cooked to perfection.

The officer freezes from the site of his men. As his attention is on his men, a sword is thrust through the back of his spine and comes out his chest. The enemy kicks him into the acid water pool. The sword exists his body. Like pressure from a hose being release, blood spouts out coving the enemy red.

The veteran looks around and sees his men falling all around him in their own pools of blood. There was nothing he could do. He was too small and lacked the power to deal with the Angels, let alone the army coming at him from all sides. His teeth chattered together as he ducked behind a corner hoping that the invading force would somehow miss him. Closing his eyes didn't keep him from hearing the shrill screams of his dying men.

The servant enters the queen's chamber holding a folder full of notes. "Queen, the battlefield was overrun by a fresh wave of new troops."

"The Black Star?" Her finger tapped on a large, clear crystal ball. If her plans failed now, it could mean the end of her reign, the end of her. The Black Star was her last chance at grabbing the power she would need to face the higher powers. Had the serum taken effect? If his transformation didn't complete before the breaking of the last aura, the angels would surely take back the gift they had been tricked into giving her.

The servant almost drops the folder. "Reports have not come in yet, my queen."

She whips around to face the half-female, half-worm servant. "Get me the fucking report!"

The servant bowed and left the room.



My End - To be continued …?

To tell you the truth, I really, really struggled with getting this piece written. It was kind of like eating your own shit and expecting it to be a nutritious meal. I think it is a combination of my lack of experience writing anything, practice, knowledge about the genre, and reading works written by sciences fiction authors that has held me back here.

I even searched for inspiration through reading the endings a few other created. Nothing, even though some of the ending were really cool and fun to read. I couldn't find the pieces to the clue that I felt like I am missing.

The only character and voice that was speaking to me this week was that of the veteran. I thought he was going to die much soon or not even be mentioned. He didn't want to go out that way.

Anyways, I gave it my best shot. More practice 8-)

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
Sort Order:  

You're too hard on yourself, this is a great piece! You showed well the frailty of the human being in this battle between supernatural powers, and taking the point of view of the doomed officer was a good choice. Tip!

Had to take a break for a few days.

Ya, I tend to be hard on myself.

Thanks for the tip! Very kind of you.

I think that your frustration is normal, not always we have the needed inspiration.. there were so many ways to develop this: the relation between Xarag and the Queen, the true nature of the so-called Angels, the curse of the armor, a flashback on why Xarag has been "gifted".. the hints are scattered and part of the game is spotting them ;-) I liked your story full of action.. just keep trying your pen and the improvements will come, this is a place to improve on the creativity side more than just a contest. Cheers!

Your presentation is creative I follow you, you are a very creative person, hope you always give us a good job and be with us. Thank you very much.

Thanks for your kind words.

Hi @tristancarax! You have received 0.1 SBD tip from @marcoriccardi!

Check out @marcoriccardi blog here and follow if you like the content :)

@tipU voting service | For investors.

Greetings, brave storyteller!
Finish the Story Contest - Weeek #21 is out, crispy and warm, for the first time on the Bananafish blog!

Dear banana fish,

Since I am your recent #1 fan, could you rig all the forward contests so that I "magically" end up in the top 1 all of the time?

Thanks Bananafish. You are awesome.


Congrats to your successful hosting of this contest.

Sorry, but I see you only as a friend.


You're awesome too, we all wait for your story!