Order & Chaos
Lately I’ve experienced a relatively rough patch in my life, and no, it hasn’t been any relative of mine who passed away, I still possess all my limbs and my green plant in the corner of my apartment is still somewhat semi-alive.
Basically there has been nothing apparent in the external world that I can point to that has initiated this downward cycle I’m in (well, you always cause your own suffering but let’s leave that aside for a moment). Which makes this event a lot more interesting to analyze, and furthermore to grow from (and hopefully to achieve better growth than my plant).
So during these past two weeks I’ve experienced a state of alternating physical sickness and simply plain anxiety. These two states feed into each other, meaning more anxiety is likely to increase your chance of sickness and vice versa. And the further down you go the downward spiral of misery the more likely it is that your other cornerstone routines fall off schedule, in my case my sleeping routine, my quality of food, meditation & reading routines etcetera.
This is exactly what happened, and trust me, I’ve been observing it for days, but still I haven’t been able to take right action in order to break the cycle...
Why?
Don’t ask me, I obviously wouldn’t have stayed in this shit-hole for the past two weeks if I knew the answer...
Just kidding.
It dawned on me last night reading Jordan Peterson’s latest book 12 Rules for Life where I gained a new perspective, a new lens in which to view this whole experience through.
Just as there are fundamental blocks in the material world - molecules, atoms, even quarks - there are fundamental blocks in the immaterial world, the world of subjective experience & emotions - where the fundamental blocks are chaos, order, and the transition between the two.
Chaos is uncertainty, when your life falls apart. When your once thought faithful girlfriend cheats on you or when a dream of yours is lost. Chaos is also waking up in the morning, not knowing what the fuck to do, it is also the act of playing the 7th game of DOTA in a row only to stop because you ran out of cheesy crunchers (yes, that happened yesterday).
Order is certainty, when you feel on track in life. When things are going along with your expectations of reality. Marriage is order. Order is waking up on a strict schedule, executing your morning routine, crushing your to-do list, and going to bed at a set time.
We need both. Too much chaos is self-explanatory. But too much order leads to stultification and a colourless approach and view upon life. We need randomness and excitement in our lives in order for it to be an adventure.
Life should be a quest where we go through hardship to slay the dragon, coming out as transformed beings, heroes, at the end.
Yes, archetypes my friend, it’s fucking cool.
Now when we have this framework we can now pose a theory for my anxiety-coloured period as of late. It can all be summarized in a sentence…
I thought I was in need of chaos when I was in need of order.
That’s the simple truth. Now if we rewind to two weeks ago we can easily depict my mistake.
So two weeks ago I was sitting sipping on a coffee, looking at my plant, contemplating its mere existence… (haha just fucking with you, I’ll get straight to the point)
As I fell into my first period of anxiety two weeks ago my natural response was to take the foot off the gas, figuring I might need a little break and to relax a little bit. Meaning, being a bit more loose with my schedule, playing a game of DOTA and incorporating some more chaos in my life. This initial decision I still would say was appropriate, and normally this alleviates my suffering, allowing me to enter a state of CRUSHING IT quite rapidly.
This time it didn’t really do much, so I figured I need to release the grip even more. And when this didn’t work either more anxiety arose, plus I got sick. This feedback loop continued and I couldn’t see that the more I was “relaxing” and “recovering” the worse I felt. Because I was at a point where more chaos wasn’t the solution, increased order was what I needed.
I needed to wake up early, clean my roam, shave my beard, order my schedule and start to fucking crush it again.
This is what I’ve done today, and it feels fucking great.
Life in its entirety is up’s and down’s, it’s chaos and order. You can’t have Yin without the Yang, or pleasure without pain. You have to embrace both sides and learn that life is an eternal transition between the do. It’s up to us to make the best of it.
That’s all for today, hope you can benefit as much from this theory as I’ve done.
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I can totally relate. This has been exactly me last week/over the weekend. I too woke up today and said fuck this shit, I'm getting back to feeling good, being productive and keep planting seeds for my dreams.
I suffer with anxiety often. I've found many way in which to manage it, but it certainly can take hold sometimes.
Thanks for sharing about "balance of chaos and order", it makes sense, and I know this, but I forget to ask myself or identify what it is that I need at the time.
Yeah let's make it happen 🙏🏼
So easy to forget when you need it the most, I do it all the time myself 😅
I’ve been experincing a little downward cycle too man. It’s sad to say, but I think a large portion of my mood is connected to the market smh
I’ll definitly look into reading the 12 Rules of Life! You should checkout The Subtle Art of Not Giving A %uck! It always gets my mind right in periods like these!
Cycles of life 🙏🏼 (and markets)
Yeah I've read The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck, really liked that book, profound content all over ✌🏼Great to hear from you brother!
Perfectly explained. My problem is that out of fear, anxiety or whatever I always want to control and predict things...which leads me into even more analyzing. I am still trying to learn that the beauty of life is in it's unpredictability.
We all need chaos and the boost of adrenaline it sometimes brings to feel alive. But we need also order to not get lost in the chaos.
Yeah I read a paragraph once where the author said "If I knew exactly what I was supposed to do every day I would feel a little bit dead inside." That sentence really struck a chord with me, being a heavy management type myself as well, it's so true tho, we need both tokens of the same coin 🙏🏼
@williamwest I was your regular reader! Do you remember me?
From last 1 month I was suffering from High fever so was not able to use steemit. But am ok now and back to my normal routine!!!!
This post is amazing! The information about "The balance of chaos and order" is great. Thank you for sharing.
! I am checking your all posts from last month and these all are great.
Hey what's up Sam! Of course I remember, I never forget my regulars 😉
Yeah fuuck, I feel you man, that sucks. I've been sick and totally of the grid myself for the last 2 weeks or so, back to routine now also.
Love to hear you enjoy the progress, always motivating to hear, take care brother!
Wow this is such a great post. I like your writing :)
It made me think of a quote I found today,
“Somewhere along the way we all go a bit mad. So burn, let go and dive into the horror, because maybe it’s the chaos which helps us find where we belong.”
― Robert M. Drake
Maybe it what makes us realize what kind of order we need in our life, or vice versa
Thank you, and sorry for the late reply!
That's an amazing quote, filed in my top quote repository 🙏🏼
Thank @williamwest. I truly agree with you. I think God gives us the rough times so it will make the good times that much more sweeter.
I mean could you imagine if everyday was a vacation or holiday...well it would cease to be special and just become boring.
That's my views.
Thanks again for your post :)
Agreed Robert, we are subject to habituation as humans, thus living a life where things often occur unexpectedly is key to happiness in my view.
Thank you Robert 🙌🏼
Brother @robertandrew Yes you are right that "God gives us the rough times so it will make the good time that much sweeter".
Brother God is always with us and he loves all of us the bad times are just like tests for us and if we pass the test the results are always better and perfect for us.
Love Jordan Peterson's message. I've been listening to a lot of his lectures this week, so that mention of his book was a pleasant surprise. Must read that soon.
Thanks for this reminder - just what I needed to hear. Missed the boat on the whole 'New Year's Resolution' thing but recently I've been motivated to make this year the best I've had in a while! (But then not beat myself up when I inevitably fall into chaos - hopefully not for too long).
Yeah he's the king!
Don't worry, new years resolution is just some bullshit we humans came up with anyways, make your own resolutions and follow through, that's the only thing that truly matters.
A cada momento que leo algo publicado por ti me atrapa.. es como si me contaras mi propia historia con la diferencia que tu si haz conseguido tu propósito o tu camino yo sigo en esa busqueda incansable de como salir de un desierto que pareciera no soltarme....