Subject: Computer with Squishy Bits?? [Blockcorp Roleplay]
I noticed that my computer was making a funny noise, kind of a whirring sound. It was running unusually slow too. I thought maybe I had some dust in there so I went to open it. When I looked under my desk I noticed that the carpet was wet with some kind of liquid.
After a bit of work, I was able to open the case and to my horror my computer's insides were a writing mass of quivering flesh. These lumps of meat were dotted with flashing lights, exposed and sparking wires.... it seemed to have several eyes!
I was on my way to a Departmental Head meeting so I didn't have much time to investigate further. When I returned from the meeting I discovered the computer case was empty.
Can you get me a new computer ASAP? Also, is this unholy union of quivering flesh and inorganic technology a new feature of the computers we were given in May? If so, am I suppose to feed it?
If not... we may want to seal off the vents to the Floor That Does Not Exist (between floors 22 and 24).
Sincerely,
Renee Nouveau
Public Relations for the
Secret Society Division
From the Email Archives of the BlockCorp Industries Servers:
"Blood for the Blood God! Skulls for the Skull Throne!" -Khorne
BlockCorp is a ‘business roleplay’ that simulates the exciting world of bureaucracy, corporate culture, and beyond! All you need is some imagination and a keyboard! Anyone can jump in, just pull up a spinny desk-chair and join in the fun! Writers of any level can churn out the bland and meaningless emails that you encounter day in and day out in the office! Reply in the comments or start your own email 'chain' with the tag #blockcorp . Learn how to play here! How to Play
STEEMIT.COM buyout! Effective Immediately.
A Message from your New BlockCorp Industries CEO!
Excessive Force at the South Entrance
To: Renee Nouveau
From: holoz0r
Subject Re: Support Ticket #68983 Squishy Computer?
Hi Renee,
I hope this email finds you well. Please find enclosed in the attachment the code for the wall safe marked 'put in notoriously long code in case of emergency.' It's the grey one, next to the one thats shale in colour, and adjacent to the one that is made of zinc.
Inside, you'll find a note documenting your exact evacuation route. We can't fix your computer.
Regards,
holoz0r
Service Desk Agent
Some shitty outsourced IT company.
To: [email protected]
From: Renee Nouveau
Subject Re: Re: Support Ticket #68983 Squishy Computer?
Oh you must be from the new Australian IT company...
G'day, Mate and thank you for the timely response.
The thing has crawled back into my computer case on it's own accord, but the whirring sound is still going on.
Also, the code you gave me (8OO8S) worked but inside the grey safe is a note that says "in case of emergency" and a cyanide pill. Management Level Ω should have chocolate flavored arsenic and strychnine tablets in their wall safes... not cyanide.
Sincerely,
Renee Nouveau
Public Relations for the
Secret Society Division
To: Renee Nouveau
From: Nobody
Subject: Out of office auto reply
Hi Renee
I'm afraid you left your 'to' field blank. I would normally return an instant error message, but am currently away on annual leave until approximately next Thursday at 2.30pm.
If your query is urgent, please forward this email to yourself.
Regards
To: Renee Nouveau
From: GiftedGaia
Subject Re: Support Ticket #68983 Squishy Computer?
Hi Renee,
I'm sending this note in response to your email Support Ticket #68983 dated August 28, 2017 at 10am pt. It has come to my attention that you've stated the following:
"I was on my way to a Departmental Head meeting so I didn't have much time to investigate further."
Please note that 'time management' in pursuit of maximum workload efficiency should be utilized in a concise and fluid manner. Despite having a pre-planned appointment with the Department Head, the company handbook clearly stresses the importance for our employees to display a "Priorities over Performance" mindset when operating on-the-clock, in an official corporate capacity.
This occurrence has been documented, and will be placed into your personal file for the sake of posterity. Future occurrences may prompt further action, including yet not withstanding: more emails, and additional TPS reports.
We wish you well in pursuit of a solution to the current situation concerning your meatbox.
Regards,
GiftedGaia
Human Resources / Protector of the Realm
Online Operations, LLC
To: GiftedGaia
From: Renee Nouveau
Subject: Re: Re: Support Ticket #68983 Squishy Computer?
Departmental Head Meetings take precedence over my other tasks. Someone needs to change the bio-nutrient gel in their tanks. We can't have another indecent of head-rot before the big trade show.
Passive-Aggressively,
Renee Nouveau
Public Relations for the
Secret Society Division
squishy bits are never good....especially ones with several eyes... ...... not.... goood....
To: Jason Russel IT Intern
From: Renee Nouveau
Subject: Re: Re: Support Ticket #68983 Squishy Computer?
Hi Jason,
Thanks for the astute observation. When can you come to my office and fix my computer. I spotted it from behind the potted palm in the corner of my office. I'm hiding on top of my filing cabinet. Please hurry.
Sincerely,
Renee Nouveau
Public Relations for the
Secret Society Division
i dont understand much about IT, but i have a bit experience, nice to follow you and looking forward of your post
To: Jam H Uery (IT Department)
Cc: @giftedgaia (Human Resources)
From: Renee Nouveau
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Support Ticket #68983 Squishy Computer?
Jam,
If you don't understand much about IT why are you working in our IT department?
GG, can you please explain this hire? Are you a left over employee that has not been terminated from Mrs. Fitzgibbon's Home-mined Blocks and Duck Farm Inc?
Passive Aggressively,
Renee Nouveau
Public Relations for the
Secret Society Division