Allyship Sunday: Allyship Is Not Conditional
Here's a story I've seen play out on twitter a bunch of times: Ally - or someone who considers themselves an ally - is criticized by a member or members of the marginalized group they claim to be an ally of. They react badly. Things escalate. And then they say "I used to support women/poc/lgbtq+/whatever, but no more!"
To which I say... Dude (it's almost always a dude, though there has been the occasional white woman), if your support is conditional on getting cookies, you were never an ally.
Because here's the thing about allyship: It is the result of an awareness of injustice and marginalization and a commitment to help change those. It is not about never being criticized by members of any marginalized group.
It is not a shield. It is being a shield, because there are things you can do and say that members of the marginalized group would get a ton more crap for than you would.
Being a human means you will fuck up sometimes. We all do. And fucking up means you may get criticized. It is rarely an attack (though, as I said in previous posts, no community is devoid of assholes, and some will use their marginalization as a cudgel. It doesn't mean marginalized people are assholes, it means assholes are assholes, and some of them are members of marginalized groups). So before you get defensive and go down a bad path, consider what is being said to you. Consider that despite your best intentions, something you have said or done has hurt someone, because intent isn't magic.
Own your shit, apologize, and do better.
Related posts:
Feminism Sunday: It's Not About The Sisterhood
Allyship Sunday: Ally Is A Verb
Feminism Sunday: Splaining
Allyship Sunday: Stay In Your Lane
Feminism Sunday Redux
Feminism Sunday: Should It Continue?
Feminism Sunday: Feminists on the Blockchain
Feminism Sunday: Feminism 101, With GIFs!
On White Feminism
I Don't Want Ally Cookies
You Are Not An Alpha
Let's talk intersectionality
I love reading your posts, always straight up and to the point. Today's is right on point,
truth be told this has been me too many times!! I sheepishly beg for forgiveness or try harder but I probably will never get it just right. There was recently a mass murder by a pair of lesbians that a LOT of my white hippie-dippie type "roots music" friends new. They also happened to have adopted 6 black and brown kids, one of which, Devonte Hart became internet famous.
What I saw was a clash between what all my white friends were saying and what some of my black activists friends were saying.
It was hard to reconcile until the police put out the statement that it appeared to be done purposely based on how fast the car had to have been going and the lack of skidmarks.
I wanted to give these women the benefit of the doubt and make excuses for them. But there are none. At least one of them was known to have been abusive before and people made excuses and ignored it all this time--and I know why-- because they are white. To somewhat financially capable white women were "saving" these kids right? they could NOT have done it ON PURPOSE?!?! it was obscene to me. But there it was. That was actually just a few days ago. I am and you are-- we all are works in progress. But we must learn.
Great post. Really important points- but I’m guessing the assholes never will read em 😂😂
Yes yes yes yes yes. We need more white males especially used as shields
This is fabulous, thank you! In situations like these ones I thinking best we can do is to talk about it and encourage people to be introspective.
Awesome post once again. People wanna be allies as long as it doesn't mean actually having to do any work like self reflection or other boring onerous shit.
I am against injustice and racism
Nice post @didic . I want support for me last post good luck