For Those Who Follow, Part 1 - An Interactive Series! WEEKLY CONTEST GIVING AWAY TOTAL SBD GENERATED FOR EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER!
Image by: http://jonasdero.deviantart.com
THESE ARE THE RULES. MAKES SURE YOU READ BEFORE PARTICIPATING.
Those Who Follow. Pt. 1
"Sure you don't need me to take the shot, Aiden?"
Lauren... the smug bastard. He knew as well as I did that I was one of the best damn Hunters in the tribe, if not the best. But one time, when we were kids, I tripped and missed a shot that might as well have been point blank range. He hasn't let it go since, probably never will. Oh well.. chalk it up to his charm, I guess.
"Do you want to eat tonight? Smart ass." I quipped back, making sure to keep my voice down as to not scare away the game.
"Ha, not like you're the one who gets to choose where the food goes. You know the rules Aiden.. all for the tribe-."
"Because the tribe is all we have. Yeah, I know the rules. Now shut up and let me focus."
"Do your thing man. You got this."
Such a pain in my ass... but still, he was the best friend I had. And on top of that, we made a damn good team.
We had a bit of a system in place, I guess you could say. We'd been working on it since we were kids and it was nearly down to a science with how much we had perfected it.
Lauren was a big dude. Something like 8 heads tall and nothing but pure, tanned muscle. I was 7.5 heads tall myself, so I wasn't small by any means, but I had nothing on Lauren... at least not when it came to brute force. But I was fast, and accurate... and thats what made us work well together.
See.. I never miss. Ever. Not anymore, at least. But sometimes, my shots don't get to be fatal and the game runs. I'm fast enough to catch it, but not always strong enough to stop it. And that's where Lauren comes in. He could probably take down a Grizzly if he really felt like it.
But I had a feeling I wouldn't need Lauren to intervene today.
I took a deep breath, calmed my nerves, focused.
Inhale... exhale... repeat.
Time seemed to slow like it always did, the world collapsing around me until it was nothing but the and the prey. I mumbled what I always did before taking the shot.
"I thank you for your body. Now return to the Stars."
One more breath in, I hold it.
I notch the arrow and draw-back the bowstring. My muscles tense, the tips of my fingers turn white from the pressure.
Not yet. Hold it.
The deer looks up.
"Aiden.." I hear Lauren whisper. I ignore him.
Hold it.
The deer is getting ready to move and it's getting late. There won't be another chance tonight if this one gets away.
But it won't get away.
"Aiden" there's an intensity in his voice this time. He's concerned.
The deer looks straight at us.
Now.
The bowstring snaps from my fingertips and my arrow zips through the air before striking the buck right between the eyes, stealing his life and collapsing him to the ground. Smooth, painless, instant.
Exactly how I prefer it to be.
I exhale, and so does Lauren.
"Why you gotta do that to me, man" he lets out with a relieved chuckle.
"Even after all this time, you still doubt me, big guy? I knew it was gonna look."
"You don't know anything, kid." I hate it when he calls me kid, I wasn't even that much younger than him. I decide to let it go.
"It's getting late" Lauren said, watching the orange glow of the sun start to peak low between the trees.
"I think I'm gonna stay out for a bit longer, you go ahead of me."
"Come on Aiden, you know Dad doesn't like it when-"
"Oh right, wouldn't want to upset The Chief. I can't wait until you're chief, I'll be able to get away with whatever I want. Besides, you're his blood son. He won't care as much as long as you get back safe."
"Don't joke like that, you know he loves you just as much as me. Now let's go back together."
"No, I'm gonna stay just a bit longer.."
"Aiden... don't. You remember what happened last time..."
Should Aiden:
Ignore Lauren, and Stay in The Woods.
Listen to Lauren, and Go Back to the Tribe.
TO ENTER, MAKE SURE YOU:
- Follow me @iamjustincscott. (NOT necessary, but you will get updated about each new chapter quicker)
- Re-steem the Chapter. (NOT necessary, but I will be paying attention to who does this and I will take it into consideration when picking winners)
- Comment below explaining:
- What your choice is.
- Why you would like to see the story develop in that direction as opposed to any of the other options.
- What you think the consequences of that choice should be for the characters and their world, and why it should benefit, or hinder, their progress.
- One idea of your own that you think would make the story better.
1. Ignore Lauren, and Stay in The Woods.
Why you would like to see the story develop in that direction as opposed to any of the other options I choose this b/c there is something with him in regards to relationship. "Blood Son." I would like to find out more about that and if he stays out then that would be dealt with early. Would he get in trouble? Is he a step child, adopted, SLAVE?
What you think the consequences of that choice should be for the characters and their world, and why it should benefit, or hinder, their progress. Not so much for that reason but would give a reason to develop the characters, story and environment more. Might even give opportunity for another adventure.
One idea of your own that you think would make the story better. Cannot suggest anything else yet. Maybe will be able to in later chapters but gotta set the scene first.
Thanks, @nicnas
Yes, this is aweome! Love that these replies are getting so in depth : )
@acidyo, @wackou, @htooms, @aggroed, @pharesim, @snubbermike, @bue, @road2wisdom, @projectnewbie, @nicnas, @mraldo, @sevinwilson, @lenatramper, @freetissues, @tata.lucette, @samether, @boy, @cryptochannel, @eyesofeurope, @pennsif, @aguayojoshua, @fraenk, @snubbermike, @creativesoul, @mraldo, @k1kkz
Wanted to make sure you all got notified when part one was up. HOWEVER don't assume this means I'm biased! Gotta stay fair ;). Looking forward to your participation and good luck everyone! : )
lol at first I thought maybe I had been the inspiration behind the character Lauren! But then I kept reading...
upvoted anyways ;)
hahaha! I thought the same. Good post tho
Haha thank you Lauren! And I'd love to see you participate if you're interested! : )
I would like to see him stay in the woods. I am a believer in intuition, and Aiden should listen to it...
Perhaps there is something out there that will threaten the tribe, and by staying he will discover the threat and be able to warn the tribe..
A band of marauders perhaps?
Good call - you saved me the trouble of typing out "Stay in the woods!" - your thinking is good. Me, I was thinking Aiden is an unreliable narrator, and the smug one is HIM, not Lauren, and the tribe might not miss Aiden too much if he stayed in the woods. (And got eaten by a monster? No, no, I swear I like Aiden better than that!) Seeing Aiden become a hero by saving the tribe from some threat (detected only because he stayed in the woods) is gratifying. I'll take a happy ending to a hero's journey over a tragedy or a come-uppance. Thanks for posting this, @iamjustinscott
Thank you for your input! And ooooohh.. who knows.. ;)
This is tremendously fun. Thanks for hosting this event, Justin! I’d go for option #2. Here’s my reasoning:
Listen to Lauren, and Go Back to the Tribe.
The last line of this chapter is quite intriguing, “You remember what happened last time...”. Such a line would imply that Aiden has stayed back before and that the outcome was negative. With that in mind, it would be fair to say that Aiden wants to stay once more out of pure stubbornness or, even more interestingly, to finish what he was unable to do the first time. Given the setting of the story, it would be safe to say that the aforementioned negative outcome had something to do with an antagonist (be it a beast or other humans). Thus, if Aiden goes back to the tribe, it would be a great opportunity (storytelling wise) not only to give an account of the original event (if needed), but also to convey that Aiden is a complex and intelligent character, one aware of his own limitations (as opposed to the caricature of the impulsive and reckless adventurer). Additionally, it would further develop Aiden’s relationship with Lauren by demonstrating that Aiden values and respects his friend.
Since they were very likely running from something or someone, it would be quite interesting if that antagonistic entity would have laid waste upon the village while they were away. I’m not sure of the nature, nor the extent of the power of that entity, but I think it’s safe to say that it was quite dangerous. Perhaps they can even arrive at the village WHILE the ravaging is taking place and be forced to escape, thus kickstarting Aiden’s heroic journey in an intense and believable manner.
Perhaps I would add a more prominent homoerotic tone to Aiden’s relationship with Lauren. Romantic love between two warriors is an often underused trope, and I think it would fit this setting perfectly if managed correctly.
Very interesting ideas here too! Picking winners is gonna be tough haha, everyones saying things I wouldn't have even considered!
Nice read!
Though I'd really like to see what's up at the tribe's place... I feel there's an adventure waiting if we stay out a while longer! From the sound of it, Aiden does that often, so I doubt his bro or father will worry too much about it.
I'd chose Option 1
Sound good, make sure you follow all the rules so I can count your vote! I'll be checking ;)
Make sure you:
to properly enter : )
If resteeming is mandatory, then I am fine just reading along and not being able to win... the prize pool with only 25% feels a bit stingy, too
following you anyways... the story seem to be good!
You sure @fraenk? I don't think so at all. My top post generated about $400 SBD, that would be $60 SBD for first prize!
I hope you change your mind, but no harm if not : )
i dunno man, mandatory resteems just don't feel right to me, regardless of the prizes...
Sorry you feel that way. Of course it's for exposure but more importantly the more exposure = the more participation = a bigger prize pool.
I did really, really well my first week on steemit. I'd like to give back as much as I can the best way I know how. But again, no hard feelings.
I'm with @fraenk on this one... But you got an upvote and followed.
Damn really, any particular reason why? But thank you regardless! Just looking for feedback : )
I echo @richq11 and @fraenk.
I understand why you would want us to, but as someone who is actively building relationships on Steemit, it feels like spamming friends.
Thanks again for putting this on!
At this point in the story, it seems clear that Aiden would stay in the woods, against the chief's wishes. He's clearly got an axe to grind with the deal life has dealt him.
Something that occurred to me as I was reading par 4-5: were both characters born in this tribal culture. If so, I have to think they have tribal customs wired so deeply in their bones that the sharing of a kill among tribe members would go unsaid between them (they would know no other way of life). But if it needs to be said for the reader, maybe that's more a job for a narrative voice(?)
I'm interested to see how the narrative voice works out if Aiden stays in the woods, as I'm guessing we'd get a glimpse of his inner dialogue and some of his motivations.
I'm no hunter, but one element that stands out pretty strongly to me is that if they just killed a deer, don't they have to field dress it, etc.? And when they do, isn't it necessarily a two-man job to get the meat back to the tribe. If that logic is followed, Aiden can't actually stay out there alone (tribal values).
Other than that, I'd like to say that I'd be interested in submitting proofreading stuff to you directly (not in comments -- too boring). Nothing too major, just alternative punctuation (the hyphen-dot construction?), verb agreement, etc. so let me know if you'd be interested in that at all.
Nice work -- seems like it's going to be an interesting project!
Thank you for such a detailed response and bringing my attention to things I hadn't initially though of. My username on steemit chat and in discord is the same as here, feel free to message me there!
I would say that he should ignore Lauren and stay in the woods for a while longer, This story has the feeling that it could take a very interesting turn, He might have an out of the world experience while being in the forest which will in turn change his reality and all that the future would hold for him.
If he goes back to the tribe it would disable the chances he has to be changed forever :)
Intersting perspective.. thank you for your participation! : )
I would really love to know what the time frame is... The "tribe" is it Indians... Some futuristic scenario... I hate to guess but here goes. Go back to the safety of the tribe (having absolutely no idea what the milieu is) Are they hunting for fun... sustenance? A more complete understanding of what's going on would be helpful in making selections. For all we know- this is two kids hunting after school.
Thank you! And the series is post-apocalyptic, set in the future. Your concept is interesting though, I'll definitely have to take it into consideration!
Also, glad you decided to join : )
Thanks... It's hard for me to jump into the middle of a story without any background.
Understandable, if you'd like a little more insight theres a bit of a synopsis in the rules : )
Thanks!
Of course! : D
He is going to stay in the woods to find when he returns that Lauren never made it back, sets him off on a journey looking for his lost brother and many possible adventures.
Ooooooo, interesting! I suppose we'll have to see : )