We-Write #14: At the Club/Between heart and mind
This is my entry to @freewritehouse's and @zeldacroft's WeWrite challenge
The original image links are: 1 2
THE PROMPT
At the Club
by @zeldacroft
The club lights flashed and waved to the beating music. They washed the dancefloor in neon colors, in time to the heavy vibrations of the giant speakers. Surprisingly, Toby admired the bright lights, how they illuminated the huge space and modern architecture. Though he found himself nursing a headache at the bar.
Jan from accounting had organized the “bonding time” for the office, saying how it’d bring everyone closer together. Toby had been devoid of any good excuse, so now he was stuck between a beer, clubbers, and Jan, with her volume louder than the pounding speakers.
“And so that’s when I said, ‘Kevin, that’s the wrong variable!’” She snorted in laughter at her own joke. Toby managed a smile. “You see, he made a simple mistake!”
“No, I get it. I think Susan’s around here somewhere, she’d appreciate hearing it too.”
“That’s a good idea, but I can tell her on Monday!”
Toby took another drink. He liked Jan well-enough at work, but tonight was proving a little more difficult.
“That does bring up a good point, though. I haven’t seen many people from the office here." Scanning the room, she asked, "Do you think they're stuck in traffic?”
“Yeah, maybe,” Toby answered, knowing full well it was more a case of empty promises. Still, there was something about the disappointment in her eyes that struck him. “But hey, you got some of us here.”
She gave a small smile and looked around again, this time lingering towards the lights.
“Hey, let’s go dance!”
Before Toby could gently protest, she’d swept him onto the floor, beer and all.
My continuation...
Toby was in an impasse. While on the dancefloor, Jan didn’t follow Toby’s lead well, couldn’t do any of the more sophisticated turns or steps, and often moved uncontrollably off the bit. In general, following someone’s lead wasn’t Jan’s thing. Besides, her best years were behind her and it was painfully obvious that she could benefit from spending more time in a gym.
On the other hand, Toby respected Jan as a capable and resourceful worker. She spent 6 years slaving on her Ph.D. in accounting, now became one of the “go-to” people, and although not being his direct boss still was in habit of throwing her weight around the office. Toby always wanted to be on her good side.
Still, when there was the time of a slow dance, and Jan, who apparently didn’t hold her liquor well, shared with Toby with a meaningful wink that, besides majoring in accounting, she was minoring in LOVE, Toby came out of the closet about his headache and informed Jan that he wanted to go home.
While negotiating a treaty with Jan in the middle of the dancefloor, Toby noticed a glance of amazingly deep blue eyes, directed at him from another corner of the nightclub.
Toby wanted to respond to the call of these eyes immediately, looking in their direction over of Jan’s head, cursing in his mind her annoying persistence. However, Jan wasn’t so easily denied, didn’t want to take “no” for an answer. It took Toby many diplomatic maneuvers to lose her in the crowd of clubbers.
Frantically Toby elbowed through the crowd looking for those blue eyes. Lucky for him, he was tall enough and most of the time could see above Brownian movement of heads and bodies on the dancefloor. Soon his efforts paid off, he noticed the owner's mysterious blue eyes and started to navigate his way through the crowd toward them.
It’s probably worth noticing that these eyes weren’t exactly blue, but light gray. Bluishness gave them a blue mascara around the eyelids. Yet, in the dim light of the bar, Toby didn’t see that and was completely smitten by the effect.
Coming closer and following the promise nested in those tempting eyes, Toby didn’t know what to say. He was so mesmerized that, once standing in front of her, could utter a word from his dried-up throat. Seeing how her eyes started to become more and more distant, Toby was panicking, when suddenly a silly childish thought flashed through his mind and grabbed for it as the last straw.
“Sorry, your eyes made me so nervous. Their bright blue color is it because you wear contact lenses?”
“No,” the girl retorted with a pretend offense and Toby felt that the distance between them started to melt. “It’s my natural collar. I never thought of it as blue, though. But hey, you are entitled to your own opinion.”
Toby approached his face to hers, towering above her and stared inside her eyes from a close distance.
“Still looks blue to me and very pretty.”
The girl grinned. “It’s must be a reflection of the ocean left in them.”
“Reflection of the ocean?” Toby repeated her phrase, trying to make sure he understood it in the noise of the club.
“Yes, I like to walk on ashore.”
“…walk alone?”
“I like collecting things,” the girl responded as if not noticing the duality of his question.
“Like what? Rocks, shells?”
“Rocks and shells?” the girl repeated his words rhetorically, “Some people collect those objects. I collect what I can't carry with me.”
“Meaning?”
The girl pulled out her smartphone, stretched her hand and made a selfie.
They both laughed.
“That’s what you do. Are you a photographer?”
“No, you guessed it wrong again. I am a … “she turned her head away and looked up, “I am a discoverer.”
“What...How do you discover?”
“Sometimes, - deliberately, and sometimes by accident, unexpectedly. They are not large discoveries. They are like little ones.”
“Still what kind?”
“Well, that’s already not a conversation for a night club.”
“Let’s get out to the terrace. This way we wouldn’t have to scream.” While they were going through the terrace door Toby asked, “By the way, what’s your name?”
“Loran and yours?”
“Toby”
When Toby and Loran stood outside and had a lively conversation the door opened and Jan approached them in an unsteady gait. “Ah, here you are…Toby.”
‘Shit’ Toby thought, ‘why does it happen to me? Why here, why now?’ But he couldn’t do much, but to introduce the ladies.
“Loran, this Jan, my coworker from my office. Jan, this is Loran.”
Jan made a clumsy curtsy and almost fell holding a bottle of beer in her hands. Toby had to support her under her hand.
“Ah, I see”, Jan measured Toby and Loran with narrowed eyes and then spoke in her customary loud way, “…you prefer veal over seasoned beef. Let’s drink to that”
Other people who stood on the terrace turned around as Jan made another drag from the bottle.
“Jan, please. You don’t need to drink anymore. You need to go home, I beg you.”
“That’s what I kind of wanted to tell you about. I need to go home and you, my boy, need to follow me there.” Then turning to Loran she added, “I need his services you see.” She winkled at Loran.
“Who is that woman?” the Loran waved her head at Jan
Toby bit his lip. Destiny gave him the chance to meet this beautiful blue-eyed mermaid, maybe the best chance of his life and here you go, he had to attend to this drank broad. Toby hated Jan at this moment. Yet. He couldn’t just leave her like this. He needed at least get her safely home. Find her a cab and make sure the driver knows where to take her. But will Loren wait for him? Did he make an impression on her enough for her to stick around and wait for him?
Toby bent down to Loran’s head and started whispering in her ear.
“Loran, please, don’t listen to her. She’s drunk and there’s nothing between us. She’s nobody. Just a woman from my office. She’s drunk and lonely.”
“Why are you telling me this? I don’t care.” Loran shrugged.
“Please don’t leave, don’t disappear, ok? I need to tell you so much more. I just going to walk her,” Toby waved his head at Jan, “outside and get her in a cab. Ok.”
Loran looked away. “I don’t like drama…”
“Listen, I cannot just leave her on her like this.” Toby quickly wrote his number on a piece of paper in his notebook, tore the sheet and wanted to give it to Loran. While he was doing it Jan came close to them, patted Toby on his cheek a couple of times, “what did you write?” and then turned to Loran. “Oh, he’s already writing a love letter! Hehe. All men are pigs, my dear. I hope you know that … hahaha,” then she turned to Toby again “Give it to me, lover boy! I want to see if you have good handwriting.”
Toby gently pushed Jan aside and shielded Loran from her with his back. “Call me,” he gave her a piece of paper and with unusual to him resolve added “Please!”
Loran shrugged again and shivered. “I’m getting cold. I’ll go inside.”
Toby wanted to scream to her ‘Wait for me!’ but stopped himself. He rubbed his forehead with his fingers because now he noticed how much his head hurt.
“Let’s go”, he grabbed Jan by her hand, turned his head away from her and spat, “I’ll get you a taxi.”
Hi mgaft1,
Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.
Thank you!
Congratulations on the Curie!
You have so many epic lines in this story, and your photo conveys this image so cleverly:
Brownian motion! Love it!
I'm not sure I trust or like Loran. She seems like a tease. And like she may be self-absorbed, as the young and beautiful so often are, especially with the selfies. And her "so what, why should I care" response to his claim that Jan is "nothing" to him. (Making Jan seem right in her charge that men are pigs. Toby could have phrased that one better.)
I'm hoping Toby finds someone less obviously attractive (and seductive).
Interesting tale, with much to ponder!
Thank you for reading! You've caught all the nice word combinations. My favorite was "came out of the closet about his headache." But I am not sure if this came across. I never know these things. )))
As for the characters... Life is unfair and people don't start from the same spot. Some are born richer, prettier, taller, stronger, smarter than others.
I see it as Jan's behavior to an extent was a surprise for herself and the next day in the office she'll be embarrassed about it. I think should Toby will "yield" to her she wouldn't say that men are pigs. It's more of the way of her expressing her frustration with the situation; her helplessness. She was basically throwing a scene but crying wasn't exactly her element.
As for Loren, she was born pretty and well it's an advantage she can use and she used it. She gave Toby a chance and... well he might have taken advantage of it, should it not be for the weird situation he turned out to be.
And Toby...he was smitten by beautiful blue eyes; not the first one and not the last one.
A young beautiful woman has immense power. Is this fair? I don't know. Does this make Toby a pig? That is a matter of an opinion. )))
I hear ya: ***A young beautiful woman has immense power. Is this fair? I don't know. Does this make Toby a pig? That is a matter of an opinion. *** And yes, coming out of the closet about his headache is a cool line. Maybe not entirely spot-on-accurate, in that hiding a headache is not the same as hiding a more unorthodox sexual orientation. I didn't cite every great line in the story, but you had quite a few!
Jan was being obnoxious (whatever her reasons), and Toby was caught between duty and opportunity. He did his best. Gotta grant him that.
A fun read, to be sure. :)
The intent of the phrase was ironic - surely "the weather doesn't suit my clothes" here. )))
A good "damned if you do, damned if you don't" tale.
This was not a good night for Toby. I don't think Jan meant what others thought she meant by the word "bond". Jan set all this up to get Toby in the sack it seems to me. As I see it, Loran be smart to not get involved, and if I were her that slip of paper would not make it past the next trashbin.
A modern tragedy.
hahaha...Thank you!
I don't think that Jan had masterminded an evil plan of getting Tony in a sack all along. Perhaps that thought dwelt somewhere in her subconscious mind. It came to fruition after she had a few more drinks than her tipsy norm.
As for Loran, it is hard to say. After all, she picked Tony from the crowd. Ther's no way he'd been decisive enough to come without some silent invitation. So, I think, everything is depending on what will happen between the time Tony left her and come back after stuffing Jan in a cab. She might have met someone else or she might not. This is a flip of the coin. )))
LOL!! I'm with you @owasco on that (Toby having fumbled).
I'd go one farther and suggest that Loran is not such a catch, herself. Too young and self absorbed in my opinion. :)
I don't think that the veal reciprocates Toby's interest. I think he's better off sticking with the seasoned beef!
Fair enough. But what can one do about man's one-track mind? )
Men have one-track minds? Nah, never, can't be.
The brain is their largest sexual organ. )
Oh dear, and in most men, that's not too large at all;)
Ah... I was looking for this graph. Basically, there are more averagely smart women than averagely smart men. There are also more very dumb men than very dumb women. The reverse, however, is true when it comes to very smart people.
Having employed a lot of people over many years, I couldn't argue with that.
How come you never write about your court cases? They must be very interesting.
An interesting story. The turn towards Toby's concentration on a girl and not on Jan could be seen coming, because from the beginning he was annoyed to deal with Jan.
I liked it. Regards, @mgaft1!
Thank you! I do like following hints of the prompt. )
Hello Hello!
The development you used to continue the story is quite interesting :)
Greetings from Venezuela♡
Thank you! I am glad you liked it.
A man with good calligraphy is hard to find. She is very lucky to find a kind man. I wish I called him. A cordial greeting @mgaft1
Hi there. Your response is very flattering but puzzling. What do you mean by a man with a good calligraphy? I don't recall saying that Tony's handwriting was very good. ))) Nevertheless, Thank you very much for reading and responding. )))
dear @mgaft1, great story !! I would like to be like the girl with blue eyes and bewitch a man with his eyes at least once !! instead too often I made the ugly figure of Jan :-)) Do you think loren will call him? will there be a sequel?
keep on and congratulations on your curie rating
Thank you! The advantage of the story is that it is a short slice of life and although one might commiserate with the character while it lasted, there is no way of knowing what will happen after the curtain will be drowned. Like any other onlooker, I only have seen what transpired there and wrote about it. So I have no clue what will happen later. If I were to speculate, the girl like this will have many guys after her and only if Toby made some different impression of her (stood out from the bunch of other guys) she might consider continuing seeing him. So there are many different ways this could go. It all depends on the chance. )))
I think he will call it when he least expects it and once again there will be something to interrupt their story .... destiny !!
Absolutely! That's a 100% destiny call.
Great job! The character interactions are all so believable and the whole story is interesting and very well laid out. Congrats on the Curie, it's well deserved!
Thank you! I got lucky with Curie.
Yeah, your story was also very interesting. Especially in the fact that both characters had amazing skills, but hid it. That kind of blows my mind. Is this some kind of societal sigma? It's too bad you were constricted by the word count. I wished I could read a more extended explanation about this phenomenon.
I didn't intend to imply that Jan was hiding her skills, even though Toby obviously was hiding his, but I can see how that implication does exist in the story. I think the development of the "hidden talent" aspect that characters display in some stories is what inspired me to give this obsession to Toby.
In most of these stories, the hero trains in secret for some mission or as part of a strategy to catch an opponent off-guard. I think Toby did it because he wanted to make a big splash maybe, suddenly appearing on the professional dancing scene and out-dancing everyone else as a newcomer. The ultimate claim to fame!
But he sacrifices all of that when he gets so turned-on by Jan, which makes him kind of heroic, in a way.
Ah... That's a great psychological incite and would have made a story more profound should this development be more pronounced.
Jan has someone, but she sort of overgrew him professionally (as she makes more money) and personally - she keeps herself in shape, has a great personality, etc. Inside she's much younger than her age. So she looks at younger men as more appropriate partners.
So she doesn't invite her partner to the corporative get-together and does a class act dancing with Toby. She just wanted to be a center of attention, to "shine" so to speak, to feel a younger man's interest and feel the envy of women, but then something stops her. Maybe it's thought of her marriage vows that she doesn't want to break? Or maybe a realization that with such a large age gap there cannot be anything lasting?
So I'd say this story deserves a rewrite and then be added to your portfolio. 😉
Yeah, I agree this is definitely one that I can expand into something bigger.
You know how it is with some couples. I was thinking more along the line that her partner, if she has one, is one of those types who isn't interested in doing things. A couch potato. So Jan goes out sometimes to these office functions. He thinks, "Pfffft! I'd rather watch Barney Miller reruns." :)
Yeah. That sounds great! Also, perhaps, consider changing the prompt to fit your narrative. In the prompt Jan is kind of unattractive. She's very loud, brush and sure Toby tolerates her at work, but he wanted to kind of get away from her in the club. So change this to her having a more vibrant and pleasing personality and Tony waiting for the opportunity to dance with her. That is also beneficial if you'd want to post your story somewhere else. Otherwise, you'd be infringing on Zelda's rights.