Why We Left Our ChurchsteemCreated with Sketch.

in #story7 years ago

One year ago, my wife and I loved our church. Recently we quit going for a number of reasons.

As a Christian, I have always felt that I should give worship on Sunday mornings. But being in introvert who loathes dressing nicely and making appearances around groups of people, I stayed away from church for many years.

Last February, my wife and I found a church in our home town that we enjoyed. They preached the Bible and salvation through Christ, which is what I longed for from a church. Over time, however, we started getting annoyed with some things.

Serving.

I signed up our family to be on the serving team. We didn't mind coming in once a month to greet people as they entered the building. But late last summer they got the idea to buy a large bull dog costume and have somebody wear it and walk around to wave at the kids. Guess who got asked to wear it? Yep, me. And so there I was, sweating profusely in a ridiculous dog costume and walking the grounds acting like a goofball. At least I had anonymity behind that costume.

My wife and I would still get asked to greet, but more frequently I was asked to "be the dog" and she would stand alone and greet, which we disliked. I expressed that I preferred to be with her and not in the costume. The assistant pastor said that was fine, so someone else took over dog duty for a few services, then it was back to me getting asked every other Sunday. It seemed that the more we said yes to serving, the more often we were asked to get involved. It was making both of us stressed out and uncomfortable. We missed just being able to show up for service, sit down and hear the message, then go home. Having two restless children hanging on to us made serving even more difficult.

Too young and modern.

I am 34, so I'm not old, but I am also no young pup, either. Our church blasts top 40 pop over massive speakers before and after the service. It never felt right to hear "Little Jeezy" or whatever these rappers call themselves as we approached the building for worship service. Considering modern pop music is saturated with sexual messages, I never understood why they played that each Sunday. The demographic of our church is very young. Many high school students and twenty-somethings (still kids in my opinion) attend service, which is good, but sometimes I felt like I was an old fart among all those youngsters.

The church held events outside of regular service, such as Sunday evening discussion groups, baseball and kickball games, and so on. I attended them, and I never felt more uncomfortable. Our church felt like a slap-on-the-back good ol' boys club. The events were very clicky, like high school. There were the jocks that joked around and had nicknames for each other, then there was me... the quiet and awkward guy who doesn't talk much. I don't care one bit about football, basketball, or golf. So that made me an outcast, just like high school days all over again.

Pushing too hard for growth and giving.

Our church is the fastest-growing church in our county. There were close to 500 members by the time the church was a year old. Growth was exploding. Yet each Sunday they pushed us hard to reach out and get more people to come. Their goal was to reach all 22,247 residents of our county. But their financial report showed the church was already bringing in a small fortune from tithes and offerings. I couldn't help but feel like their ambition was their profit, rather than spreading the news of Christ. So when my wife and I served on Sundays, were we really serving God, or just working for free for an incredibly profitable business? They even held an entire service last month basically telling us to step our donations. That really upset me and my wife. I struggle with the concept of increasing my financial giving when we have a lead pastor who likely makes twice my salary.

Christmas Eve.

To me, Christmas is a magical season. And nothing feels more right to me than a good Christmas Eve service. But my wife and I think our church blew it. They turned the service into a rock fest with screaming guitars and drums. Not one traditional Christmas hymn was played, and we were disappointed. I am very traditional in my taste for what a Christmas Eve service should be like. I prefer candlelight and songs like Silent Night and O Holy Night. Not Sammy Hagar-style rock and roll (not that I don't like Van Halen!)

In conclusion.

So there are my reasons we left our church. I never want to distance myself from God, but I felt more like our church was about building a successful business rather than anything else. We may stop back in for a Sunday service to give it another try, however. We didn't hate our church, after all.

But another thing that bothers me is that while we still tithe by an automatic draft from our bank account, not once has our pastor reached out to us and asked us to come back or to talk about why we left. That doesn't make me feel any better about our church. It seems as long as our money keeps coming, they couldn't care less if we show up or not.

Have you had any negative experiences with a church? Or are you completely satisfied with yours?

Feel free to share your stories or comments with me! And thanks for reading this lengthy post!
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My Dad says that you don't need a broker to have a relationship with God. So he refers to churches as brokerage houses. My Dad says that HE wants a one-on-one relationship with us, which is what the 'Gospel' is all about, restoring relationship between us and the Father. In general, Churches are just pyramid schemes that have to constantly generate new members to generate more money. You don't need a 'church' to be HIS friend

Thank you! I wholeheartedly agree. As long as I read a chapter from the Bible and pray each morning, I feel like I am building a better connection to God than just attending a Sunday service.

Reading and praying are great, they really are. However, living it is they key and that's what I am trying to learn every day. I fail most, but from time to time, I see a glimpse of what this life should be.

Exactly. Living it is the most difficult part of our faith. It's easy to start each day with good intentions like I won't swear today, but we all slip on a daily basis.

Just a note on 'swearing.' - I really don't think HE cares about that, just my opinion. I think the only thing is not to offend others. If there is someone out there that thinks that's just horrible and you'll offend them, then just don't use it around them. If you with people who use it a lot and don't see the big deal, then use your freedom. Love people where they are and not where 'church' culture thinks they should be.

In answer to your questions, yes, I am completely satisfied with the Church I am presently connected with (and have been since 2001). Over the past 24 years of active church participation, I have visited, or belonged to many different congregations. The reason for not staying with each of them had nothing to do with negative experiences, as those things can be worked out. What prompted the separation was my continuous Bible reading, and studying that introduced previously unseen truth to me that they were unwilling to acknowledge, or outright resist in a nice Christian way because it would have disrupted their established order of "comfort" and "prosperity."

Really interesting experience @countryinspired, and I truly hope you find a church to call home!

Thank you! But I believe now more than ever that the best church is our personal relationship with God, not what building we show up to on Sundays.

That was what I would say, but as this was our first contact, I didn't know how it could reach you. Now that you said it, I can tell you, the best church is our body, mind and soul totally connected to love and respect to every little thing on the this lovely planet. I am a true believer, and when people ask me about God, I just say: love and respect everything and I know God will show His face!

Thank you so much for this lovely conversation dear @countryinspired!

Thank you for engaging with me in thoughtful conversation! You earned a follower.

And a friendship! =)

Going to Church at a specific locality like a building or meeting in a house does not make that place or the building we give a name turn that place or building into a Church. Church is not where we go to , to meet as Christian; Church is "who we are when we meet as believer and as brothers and sisters in-Christ; or simply as New Testament put it - "the brethren (the church) that meet in so an so house; or the brethren (Church) that meet in a certain locality like Ephesus, Rome, or Galatia, etc.
Church is who we are not where we go to!

I agree, thank you.

Reading your post I can relate to some of the issues you're talking about(not the dog suit but the introvert thing :D ). These two verses help me balance this situation : JOHN 4:19-26 AND HEBREWS 10:23 . In John 4:19 Jesus is talking to the woman at the well and she is talking about how the Samaritans worship on this mountain and the Jewish people worship in Jerusalem. Jesus replies and tells her that the time is coming and is here when the true worshipers of God worship in spirit and in truth, not in a particular place. Hebrews talks about not forsaking the assembly . I believe we can worship God anywhere and any time but the community of believers strengthens us and holds accountable.

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your feedback. Those are certainly verses to contemplate.

Furthermore, the commercialisation of Christianity is as old as in Old Testament story of the prophet named " Balaam". Whenever Christ is not wholeheartedly honored, trusted and worship as Lord , you will get "Balaam and his tribemen " abounding and flourishing , especially in so called growing and mega Churches. Yes, there will be some token social works and missions and missionary supports but the majority of those poor in need but still giving church members will be certainly overlooked but the paid clergy class get rich. It is my experiences as a Christian and as an observer in my life time as a 60 over years Chtistian

I happened to be in the city yesterday for work and saw a new church being built. It looked like a Cabela's store. It is absolutely massive. I don't see why churches are making it a point to build enormous, prominent buildings. Why not use their excess money to help the homeless and neglected?

Balaam was afraid to curse the Hebrews, so he figured out a way to get them to curse themselves. In this case, the stumbling block was gentile women. Curious to if you are implying some behind the scenes shenanigans here, or if you were just highlighting the abuse of money in the church

You could go to another church. What you described wanting from a church is common I think. My grandmother goes to the United Church. When I visit her, she takes me along with her. I'm not the type to really go to Church but I do remember a lot singing, regular church songs like you mentioned, which I liked because it was less boring.

My problem is my aversion to being at large gatherings. Being in large groups makes me extremely uncomfortable. Plus I HATE empty small talk like How are you doing today? and It's nice to see the sun shining. It just rubs me raw like sandpaper.

ah, you did say that. Well hope you can find what your looking for.

Thank you! Church to me would be relaxation and solitude in nature. That is the best place for me to be at peace with God.

Me too. For me nature and the flow of life is God. Put me the wilderness and I'm literally in heaven.

You echo a lot of the reasons why I haven't gone to church in many years. I'm at the point in my life where my faith is as firm as it's ever been... but at the same time I don't really feel "at home" at most churches. I sense the nearness of God more when I'm on a lake in a kayak early on a Sunday morning than sitting in a pew watching a worship team. And I'm not exactly an old guy either (36)! That's not to belittle what they're doing of course, because clearly it works for some people, and I've had friends become more interested in attending church because of the modern-style services. But I definitely miss the reverence and quiet pondering of the church services I grew up with, not to mention the beautifully arranged and deeply meaningful hymns.

Thank you for your post! It's great to see thoughtful pieces like this on social media.

Thank you for your most kind reply. I am TOTALLY with you in that I am nearest to God on a lake or river in a canoe or kayak. Canoeing and spending quiet time in nature is what frees my mind from worldly concerns. The outside noise is muted, and I feel that I can hear God's words speaking inside me. Friend, you just earned another follower!

I have never really gone to a church, but my parents did. They didn't have good experiences with them and they never want to go back. I'd like to go one day but I have social anxiety...

Also the thing with religious songs and hymns, is that they were written hundreds of years ago and that type of music was more popular. Nowadays, they are incredibly outdated. So I don't personally see changing the style of music as a bad thing. This isn't a big issue but I felt like saying it.

And I think you made the right choice. Church can be very good, but if it causes you stress then it's probably best to go solo or find another church. It's good you acted on what you thought was the right thing to do.

Thank you. I am open-minded and okay with more modern worship music. But don't mess with traditional Christmas songs! :)

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