Helping Children To Cope With Failure In A Demanding World
Wow what a demanding world we live in! Expectations are on the rise and the future depends on us more than ever. As adults, we’ve got this! Or at least we cruise our way through life with a “we’ve got this” attitude. But what about our younger generations? We cannot deny the fact that long gone are the days where children are left to play in the streets with their spirits high and their innocence written all over their fresh and shiny faces. Today, we need to protect our kids more than ever.
This brings me to the topic of: FAILURE. Don't get me wrong, failure is a normal part of life and in fact, it is a healthy (necessary) part of life. It’s what helps us to learn and grow and it builds character too. But if young children are pressurized to learn before their minds (and hearts) are ready and if they have not yet learnt to cope with failure (because they are too busy living up to expectations), then it can have hazardous effects on their self-esteem, self-confidence and even their schooling careers.
In an effort to make life somewhat simpler for the little guys, and to guide teachers and parents on the matter of failure, I have put together:
5 Ways To Help Children Cope With Failure
- Appreciate the journey, not the destination.
Teach your children that life is here to enjoy and that it is the effort that counts, not necessarily the outcome. It doesn't matter how many goals they scored, how amazing their artwork is or if they got an A for their latest class project. What matters is that they enjoyed doing it and that they put heart and effort. Continuously remind your children that if they enjoyed the process, put their best foot forward and learnt something new, then they are in every sense of the word, WINNERS!
- Play games.
I always say that children of all ages learn best through fun activities that stimulate their minds and ignite thought patterns, rather than being forced to point their noses in boring textbooks. Play games with your child and when you lose, do so gracefully. Set the example and show them that it was the game that mattered, not who won it. This highly competitive world we live in demands that there will always be those who lose or fall short, that's OK – there will be more games!
- Reduce pressure.
I'm mostly talking about you here, stop putting pressure on yourself! Children feed off of our emotions and they are constantly watching our actions and mimicking them too. If you make a mistake, be easy on yourself. When you have disappointed yourself, go ahead and show your disappointment (it's normal to be sad about our failures) but then pick yourself up again (very quickly), smile, and try again, or try something new. What's important here is that our children see how we handle our reactions and expectations in a positive light.
- Don't judge a fish by its ability to climb trees.
As parents we are here to guide our youngsters and to encourage them to reach for opportunities that arise. Let these opportunities be realistic to who they are, however. Some children excel in seated exams, while others thrive in a more casual environment. Get to know your child and allow them to attend a school and extra activities that are suited to who they are, not who you want them to be. These children are usually more self-motivated in their environment and do not simply give up in the face of failure.
- Make room for mistakes.
Let mistakes happen. Do not use the above to try and form a perfect little bubble for your child, the aim here is not to cushion them, but to prepare them to handle the failures and mistakes as and when they happen.
“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.” - ― Paulo Coelho, Brida
Remember that every child (and adult for that matter is different), you know your kids and you know what is right for them, well, I hope you do (another whole post needed for this topic). If going against the tide is what your child needs, then do it, don't worry about other's judgments and opinions. How you react when you fail is what determines your success!
Much love - @sweetpea
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I really love this topic that you are touching here. Although I am not a parent myself I can see what happens about me ofcourse. Kids are being drilled to succeed and it does not look like failure is an option.
Failure is life, falling down is life, mistakes are life. Some people are forgetting that kids are kids and we should let them be that.
Well spoken!
(Im trying to upvote you post but steemit seems glitching?? I will get back on it!)
Thanks for stopping by @karinxxl and I am glad you share the same opinion :) kids are turning into mini adults, instead of the innocent and naive little beings they are supposed to be, let's hope we can change that!
I hope MANY parents, teachers and people in general read this love!!!! xxxxxx
Thanks @jaynie, so do I!
You're right in what you express in this article @sweetpea
My experience of this came from my grandfather. My mum was completely nurturing in that she made the distinction between what was most important; the attempt to do something rather than the success of the endevour. After all, without being encouraged to try and fail without recrimination, a child won't find what they enjoy as well as excel at. My grandfather on the other hand, was a real old-school 'find what you're good at and stick too it' kind of guy. I have memories of him berating me over things as early as the age of 5. He was massively critical of what he saw as, a waste of time. This sunk in to my subconscious nice and early and has stuck around like mold effecting me to this day. I distinctly remember him criticising me at my graduation ceremony for choosing to do imaginative writing, "a waste of time" were his words. Lol, only time I have ever swore at a member of my family but I am not ashamed to admit that I told him to F off and the guys eyes popped out of his head. Turns out that he was deeply bitter at being pushed into being a draftsman when he could have gone to oxford to maths on a scholarship, in the 1950's when it was very rare for a working class person to get such an opportunity. It shows how these negative mindsets are born and perpetuated. I forgave him a while back.
Thanks for sharing this thought provoking article, sry if I've rambled a bit in this comment 😉
Wow, what a story! My husband shares a similar experience with his grandfather too actually! Thank goodness you had your very wise mother backing you! While I'm not too share about all the changes the world has made, I am very grateful that these days we are given more options and free-reign to decided what it is we want to do in life. Thank you for sharing this motivational piece, and I am so glad you pursued your dream!
Hi @sweetpea, wow, you totally got me with this one:
As parents, sometimes we fail to identify our children's abilities, and unintentionally benchmark them against the wrong standards. That totally stresses out the child, and the parents too in the process. Heck, how much did we liked it when we were benchmarked wrongly when we were young, right?
I wrote a post long ago on this topic, of how the school system can sometimes be like a page taken out of from a storybook on jungle animals.
Oh my, well, I definitely consider my child as a jungle animal, he does have a bit of a wild streak ;) but yes, we benchmark way to early, I even have mom friends who are convinced that their three-year-olds are going to be musicians...but so much can change as a child grows, if they like playing with music now, that's fine, let them play! But forcing lessons and creating a stigma about it at such a young age can put so much pressure on the young and growing minds.
Totally high five with you on that! Some parents are just into control mode! Worst are those who forced their children to live the dreams they failed!
Parents tend to do that yes! Even I catch myself encouraging my child to do something every now and then, that I wished I had done when I was younger (parenting really is so complex)!
This is a great thing to read, just at the right time. Great insight on where I need to be with my kids and a great reminder. Thank you for this. Not only does it help the children, but helps the parents on many levels as well. Thank you! I resteemed your post. Something all parents could find useful :)
Thanks, very kind of you! And hello from one mom to another! Raising kids is sooo not easy, but if we can support each other and give (and take) advice, we'll be ok, and so will our children!
I agree, I think we will be ok too. Mother's need support from others. No one tells you how hard it is to raise a child and no one will know to what extent until you have a child to raise.
Oh, yes. Failure is so much part of life, but even though I say that, this adult has had such a fear of failure, that it has sometimes become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's really an important lesson to learn and a very hard one. Probably harder to help someone learn.
I hope the use of the word "had" means that you have overcome the fear? And I totally understand what you mean, it's sometimes so much easier to give advice than to take it ourselves. I love your posts here on Steemit, you're definitely not failing on this platform, if it's any reassurance :)
Umm, no, not entirely. I tend to take criticism too much to heart and seriously work on avoiding confrontation. Big girl I may be, but big girl panties - a whole other matter! LOL! Take that whatever way you will! LOL. Thanks, @sweetpea - I am glad you are enjoying my posts and yes, it is some assurance. Especially since my having been phished. Still sorting out those issues. Onwards and upwards - all of us - I say! Jolly hockey sticks and all that jazz! No, I don't really talk like that, but you know what I mean. Have a good one!