I did not want to be a teacher

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I've been scrolling through the replies today and I have had many kind comments about how great a teacher I am. Before I could say thank you and act as if I came out of my mother's womb with a chalk in one hand and a red pen in the other, I have to say that I actually did not want to be a teacher.

I was actually planning on writing on an epic battle between @lordvader and the teacher (do check out the articles for context here and here . But no matter how I wrote it, I think the teacher is going to lose, so here I am talking about how I ended up in this position. Like many people in my class, we chose to become teachers because it was a secure job, not because we wanted to teach. Yes, I was one of those.

I remember starting my studies to be a teacher with a sense of dread. I would question everything and would give my lecturers a hard time. I was hell-bent on being the most rebellious teacher trainee there was. The good thing about being an English major teacher trainee is that, your outward rebellion can be seen as an expression of opinion. So I left my classes feeling good with the chaos I have caused and I would like to think that my lecturers enjoyed my opinion. I doubt it, but hey, one can dream. If you are a believer in Karma, do note that my students are doing the same to me.

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The funny thing about life is that, when you are not happy with how your life has turned out to be, it is interesting how fast things can spiral downwards. I honestly think that my days were darker and life was just meaningless. Heck, I was depressed and stressed before I have even started teaching. I was not doing well in my studies until one day I was taken aside by another lecturer who cared. She was not obligated to put me in my place, I was after all a government scholar and was handpicked for this course. Yes, I was ungrateful despite being one of the 125 successful applicants selected from a pool of 10,000 others who were not as fortunate as me. I was given an allowance to study and fully sponsored. Yet, I was ungrateful. But, back to my path of transformation.

This lecturer took me aside and instead of telling me that I was lucky to be selected and that I should do my best, she gave a scenario of my future. She pointed out that as a teacher, I will be given a class of at least 40 a year. If I did a bad job, 40 of these students would be impacted negatively. These 40 students who may be the first to graduate in their family or make a difference in society may well have their lives changed for the worse, just because I have decided to throw a tantrum (words were censored to make this family friendly).

However, if I took my job seriously and did my best with the students' interest at heart, I may go on to change the lives of these 40 students, teaching them and equipping them so they are better prepared to face the world. If I remained in the service for at least 10 years, I would have impacted 400 students. The lecturer then ended the scenario with the advice to make the right choice and not ruin some other person's life.

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A bit dramatic, yes, but that is the truth. As much as I did not like what I was doing, I will be making a difference and that changed my perspective. I would be lying if I said that I woke up the next morning a transformed person, such things do take time. However, it has been 11 years and I am happy with my teaching, as seen in my many posts thus far. As much as I try to be a good teacher, I was taught by someone who first decided to be a good teacher.

That has made a positive difference in my life.

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