in #steemit5 years ago (edited)

Do you ever wonder if maybe this is your last day?

I’ve never given much thought to the premise of terminating my own existence. A close friend of mine took matters of life and death into his own hands a while back. I’m not sure how that worked out for him, other than the fact that he was found dead in his garage. All the answers were left hanging...literally.

Do people really think that ending their life is gonna solve their problems?
Who knows? Delusional folks can have some pretty crazy solutions for their problems. “My car wont run, my girlfriend dumped my ass, I’m broke, life is too hard….what the hell...I guess I’ll blow my head off"...that should fix everything.

Pretty much no turning back after you pull that trigger. Well guess what...all you did was create a bigger problem for your poor survivors who gotta clean up your selfish mess.

RELAX...I have no intentions of ending my life.
Now ending the life of my cyber-ego…@carklevicci, is a whole nuther matter.

I entered into the world of Steemit with eagerness and a vision of a place where I could be creative and express myself in a fresh format. I was impressed with many of the ideas and artwork that others were putting up, and I envisioned myself finding my own place and sharing my writing with the community.
Eight months later, I find myself disillusioned.Social media has never been my cup of tea.
Some get it...some don't.
It's OK

I gave it a go...albeit maybe my effort was feeble...I offered up 20 or so posts, but I’m an impatient guy. I guess what I’m trying to say is I wanted more. I wanted to have my work read and maybe even appreciated, but it never got rolling.
I feel like some of my stuff was actually pretty decent, but it never caught on. To me it was an exercise in futility. I feel like Steemit is great for young minds and youthful ideals but I never felt like I fit in.

I'm just sitting here writing to myself (again), and I find that very unfulfilling.

So I find my cyber-ego getting weaker.
My vision of upvotes and steemdollars is becoming a blur.
My presence, whose roots failed to find nourishment, is fading into a digital graveyard.
My "legacy” will remain available… my final wish is that somehow my past posts will be discovered, and my blockchain will go through the roof...wish in one hand and shit in the other...which reminds’s about that time for me to give back to nature.

I’m almost there….I’m feeling a sense of detachment.
Each tap on the keyboard brings the end a little closer.
I don’t see a white light, but I know that when I hit the “post” button, the life of @carklevicci will cease to exist. No muss, no fuss.
I wanna say,”keep it real”, but it never really was.

I live on , but for our pal @carklevicci
Nuthin but white screen in THREE... TWO...ONE,,,,



Check that out: 3 upvotes in 27 minutes. That doesn’t seem like an empty audience to me. But what do I know 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m probably typing to the white screen right now and wasting my cryber ego energy. Just in case I’m not...

Home-runs are awesome, they actually feed these weird dopamine things and before long, steemd is a craving.

I’m teaching myself the value of strike-outs, walks and bunts. So far, so great! I’ve yet to explore throwing my mitt down, pointing at the crowd as I storm off into the locker room though.

I almost called it quits about 6 months ago, I don’t know what it was exactly that brought me back but I’m back.
We love the ‘ups’ and need to learn from the ‘downs’.

You can’t be serious? Your leaving for good?!?
Maybe I’m just gullible from all the sweet treats I had this morning.


Dude, my internet was shut down for few days, I come back and you all suicided now ?
No fucking way I am shaking my head very hard . I don't know your real life alter ego, i only know the online one, so termination, that's a bit harsh !!! I'll ask @dandays to give me news in any case >

Second thing I want to say, it's holiday time, summer, people are not really hanging around steemit, so we shouldn't feel so bad when we don't get the attraction that we thought we would.It doesn't mean our work is not good.
We just are creative of habits with short memory. So consistency is the key

Thanks for your concerns Ed. Your comment echos the sentiments of my pal @dandays. This is actually the first reply I've written since I "pulled the plug".

It's funny because I don't consider myself as an artist, or even a writer for that matter. It's hard to get a grip on the fact that people like you... an awesome musician and a creative writer in your own right...actually enjoy my raw perspectives

Can you keep a secret.... I don't intend for my absence to be permanent.
I just needed a break. I really enjoy interacting with you @edprivat. You're the real deal !

I'm not sure when I'll start posting stuff again, but when I do, I look forward to your comments. They are TRULY appreciated. In the mean time, I'll continue to listen to your great musical presentations....each one is a jewel.

Maybe you could consider another one for me...."The Scarlett Tide" ( from the album "The Delivery Man")by Elvis Costello.

Take care my friend....

YEEES ! I knew it ! It was One Big Sick Joke !!!!

You know I completely understand, I am actually happy that i got sick for 2 weeks then internet broke down, because it allowed me to completely cut off from the internet non sense, it's non stop, the world never stop to turn.

Can i give you another secret? Awesome musicians like me get inspired by stories like yours, and that's how we actually manage to write great music, by stealing the essence of people'stories muhahahaha (evil laugh)

"I'm not sure when I'll start posting stuff again, but when I do, I look forward to your comments. They are TRULY appreciated. In the mean time, I'll continue to listen to your great musical presentations....each one is a jewel."

That compliment is not lost, please take your time, and don't take this whole thing in a serious manner, I know we all get impatient not to see results, but what you put out there will come back to you more or less equally, meaning if you post every day you will have more chances to catch people attention's.
If you feel silly of doing so, and feel that writing every day is a cry for attention, don't worry that feeling eventually goes away.
We are our worst enemies, I've really learnt that, so It' s more about seeing steemit as an introspective journey, a testimony of your life, what do you want people to remember you for?

Ok Scarlett Tide by Elvis Costello it's noted !!!!

See you soon @carklevicci!!!

Once again, thanks for taking the time to make a meaningful reply. Your talent goes far beyond the creation of beautiful music. I hope your someday your shit goes off the charts...your voice alone is enough to carry you but you're starting to bring the whole package....stay real. You inspire me.

Oh wow thank you so much, it gives me confidence to some extent , I am feeding of encouragements, so I am not gonna lie it gives an extra boost, just to ponder on the fact that you did the extra mile and wrote something inspiring about me !!! And I managed to inspire you in the process?
Jackpot !!! And I managed to make you speak and break your Silence Oath

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