Just Because You Happen to be GOOD at Something Doesn't Mean you Necessarily LIKE it!
I have recently been thinking about a number of things-- over the years-- that people have told me I am "really good at." Often these statements have been accompanied by the suggestion that I really "should" be doing these things... for a living, or for humanity, or for some other reason.
From talking to friends, it seems to be something quite a few face, along the way.
There Are Certain Things we just Inherently Understand...
Stump at water's edge
Most of us have an intuitive knack for doing certain things... and often doing them better than most people around us. Call it natural talent, if you will.
If you also happen to have natural tendencies towards conscientiousness, perfectionism, loyalty and attention to detail... it can be a simple fact that you'll quickly excel at many of the things you attempt. Lest that sounds a bit arrogant or self-important, let's not forget that we're talking about pretty specific things here... nobody's laying claim to being Superman.
So what am I REALLY talking about, here?
It seems that there is often a gap between "being good at" something, and actually liking that something. Sure, sometimes the two are the same... but not as often as people assume.
Trunk of Madrona tree in the afternoon sun
Let me offer up a few examples.
Take people who identify as "empaths." They also tend to have a superior understanding of human nature. But even though they may be naturally talented at helping people solve their issues... doesn't mean that they should be therapists, or that they like filling therapeutic roles.
Just using myself as a example, I have helped many people through tough situations in life and I have even "talked a few people down from their ledge" when their lives got really dark. I am-- in a word-- good at it. But that doesn't mean I like doing it nor that I have an inclination to become a shrink. And yet? If I had a dollar for every person who'd said "You REALLY should be a therapist!" I'd probably be able to take a 3-week vacation to BoraBora.
Similarly, when I was a teenager, I was very tall... and everyone around me kept pushing me to play basketball. Whereas I was pretty good-- especially as an outside shooter-- I never really enjoyed playing the game-- and it was difficult for people understand that I could be "good" at it, yet not like what I was doing.
Meanwhile, a friend of mine was a very good software engineer at a Fortune 500 company... he really enjoyed his work, but because he also had good people skills, he was constantly pressured to become a manager... which would mean less developer work, more people wrangling. And he really didn't like that, even though he was very well qualified.
Skill doesn't mean enjoyment.
Should We Work with What We LIKE... or not?
Veins in a late summer leaf
One of the more common situations we might face happens in work situations.
Some project or job is on the table... and typically the "reliable" or "stable" person ends up being "project leader" because they seem to have the best organizational skills, regardless of whether or not they actually wanted the position, or even are best suited to it... in a practical sense.
I think of this as getting "back doored" into a job, or ending up "holding the bag, by default." Sometimes this happens "up front;" more often it happens because the person about to become leader clearly is doing "the best work" halfway into the project and someone forces them to take over as project lead
Now, you might be thinking "So? What's the problem? This happens to ALL of us!"
Well, the "deal" is that when we feel pushed into a role we really don't like... the final outcome of the project may not turn out to be nearly as good as originally expected.
Fall beech leaf in the afternoon sun
Second, if you happen to be of an idealistic nature, this can become especially consequential in work situations; the idealist might find it very difficult to "do their best" when they are stuck in a position they really don't like, doing tasks they really don't like. Doesn't matter whether they are "good" at the job... they will likely only do their best work when it "feels right," not just when they "have a skill."
This leads me to the ultimate core question of whether we "should" do the things we are best at-- even if we don't like them-- or focus our energies on the things we like to do, even if they are not necessarily the ones where we have our highest skill level.
Personally, I have found that the latter seems to be a better bet-- when we truly like something, we tend to be enthusiastic students and quick learners so our practical skills improve very quickly.
What do YOU think? Are the things you are "best" at also the things you like the most? Or are there sometimes differences? Do you find yourself-- at work, or in life-- being put in charge of things you are good at, but don't really LIKE? How do these situations make you feel? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!
(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
Created at 171210 23:17 PDT
I really, really interesting post.
I have spent most of my life selling - in one form or other.
I'm really good at it. (not blowing my own trumpet at it is a talent I'm not proud of it.)
While I can enjoy doing it, IF I believe in what i'm selling.
But...sooner or later (for me anyway), I find myself compromising my principles, in the name of the sell. Closing the deal.
It is so annoying, as this had led to a cycle of success, compromise, and ultimately disappointment in my self.
And for some reason, being great at the sell , people think you are great at management, which I truly hate, and isn't suited to me long term.
Self employment seems the best option for me...
thought provoking post though, really good!
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it, or got something from it.
Seems we have walked very similar paths... mine led to self-employment in fairly short order simply because I really suck badly at sticking to things I don't believe in. I also don't have a lot of ambition, in the sense that I am no good at just "grin and bear it."
On a positive level (I suppose) it's great because it means that I get very "engaged" in those projects I really believe in, but it also means I tend to bomb out when I get disillusioned with them.
let's not go into business together, eh? lol
A few years back I saw a meme that counseled, "Don't get good at something you don't want to do." This post is kind of a sideways take on that. The moment you become known for "superior work quality" in anything, you'll be constantly pestered for help, favors and freebies from "friends" ---> people who clearly consider you a better friend than you consider them.
This became one reason why I turned off my phone decades ago -- before voicemail, before Caller ID, etc., and before they made phones you could turn off, I would unplug it from the wall. (My grandmother used to put hers in the refrigerator and cover it with a pillow -- or the pillowcase full of sprinkled clothes she was waiting to iron. Yep, I go back that far.)
Anyway, that's advice along the same line. If you do get good at something you don't want to do, don't make it known. Do what you do enjoy -- and don't look back. (The "could you do me a favor" crowd might be gaining on you.)
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I loathe being in a leadership roles. I’m a leave me the heck alone and I’ll just get stuff done; including, everyone else’s stuff if they can’t be bothered to do a proper job in time.
In the past I’ve gotten out of such a role because my answer always was “well actually, I been thinking about leaving for a while now. Since you brought up my future here it’s a perfect time to talk about my departure, and what steps I can take to help you find my replacement.”
Simply turning it down leads people into think you just need some “encouragement,” and “confidence.” Where they want help you be the best version of yourself that you can be. By that they must mean being miserable.
Irony these days is there no escaping it.
I hear you on that one. And therein lies one of the core reasons I "failed at Korporate Amerika." I had zero interest in "leadership" and turned down any and all such requests...
Part of the way our system is "broken" (in my opinion) is that we ascribe no value of status to having a "skill." All the value flows towards leadership. You can be the best programmer-woodcarver-teacher-cabdriver on the planet, but unless you want to LEAD, you clearly lack ambition and are a slacker. Which is a great shame, as it actually reduces the true "worth" of a lot of people.
It's "what we value" that's messed up, in this equation.
In large companies they also seem to have this fear where if they don’t promote people who have been around a number of years into management roles even if they are horrible at it they will lose that employee.
Which plays into the value you point to that they place on leadership roles. Once a skilled employee reaches the hard cap for salary for that job most time the only option is promote them into management so we can pay them more. They already know they can’t pay them more from a salary point of view since it won’t get approved. Sure they will offer them a while other benefits like: vacation, recognition, bonus, and education fund.
It’s always interesting how red tape in a company can really be its death nail. It sure is one broken equation.
Company lifetimes are decreasing.
It used to be that a company lasted about sixty years..
...now it's about twenty...
on average..
when I was in High School one of my teachers told me that I'd be a good lawyer.
ewwwwwwwwwwwww
There ya go! Prime example.
You may be excellent at stating your case and defending your perspective... but to be a LAWYER?
shudder...if I was a lawyer
I'd have to pimp for crack-whores for decades to regain my self-esteem
Hahahaha
I always try to think that if I like something enough and put the effort in, I will get good at it. My girlfriend proved that with making hats. She started with no skill whatsoever b she like it so much that she started to eat sleep and breathe hats. Now she's a mad hatter. Im still not that great at guitar. I like it, but nowhere near the way she likes hats. Maybe I will like it more one day but before I was more into language and culture, now I'm more into writing.
As for what I'm good at....I've grown to like it more, which makes life a lot easier. It makes "work" feel less like work so I don't mind doing it while I get my writing and hopefully guitar skills together.
Yeah, I get that... the "passion principle." Your girlfriend evidently has a true passion for hats... and sounds like she found her niche.
For me, part of the challenge has been that there are things I am quite passionate about, but they pretty much don't have any "commercial value," which kinda sucks as long as we live in a world where stuff "costs money." My wife, on the other hand, turned her fascination with understanding the human psyche and wanting to help people (originally separate interests) into a pretty successful life coaching gig.
For now, I'm thrilled to be writing here and even getting paid a few pennies for it, now and then.
I've been in the same boat as you forever! Steemit has made it seem plausible but I'm still working on it.
What are the things you are interested in? I remember reading a post on some odd jobs you've done. Also sorry I didn't reply to your comment on my post last time, I was having an off week I think.
I think we should just keep doing whatever we like and enjoy doing whether we are good at it or not.
First, because with practice come expertise, and eventually we will be good at whatever we decided to do.
Second, because we avoid burnouts in the long term. If we enjoy doing something we will be happy working on it, instead if we don’t enjoy eventually it will be very tedious to keep doing it.
Your point about burning out is particularly well taken.
I became a technical writer in the IT industry because I "wanted to write." And it was the only way I could do that, and still make a living. So that's where I went. But it was basically BS because I wasn't "creating" a damn thing, just putting words on paper, according to someone else's instructions. It became VERY tedious, and I quit.
This post really resonates with me. I've done what I'm good at for a very long time, and I'm miserable with it. It is best to do what you like for a living!
I'm that way with the "most of an accounting degree" that I have. I'm really good with numbers, and really good with organization... and I can "make sense" of complete chaos in no time at all, but I have ZERO interest or motivation in doing anything with that.
LOL. I hear you. At this point I feel like I have gilded handcuffs, and I need to find a way out of this mess of doing what I'm good at.
doesn’t matter how good you are if you don’t enjoy the work it will all catch up to you down the road. You can be the best worker at the company but if you are miserable because of it is it really worth it in the end.
In my 20s I applied for a job in sales. The interviewer told me I'd be crap. "Fuck you," I thought, "I'll prove you wrong," and got a job with a rival firm. Turns out it wasn't me that was crap but the product. I detested trying to persuade people to buy something they didn't want, didn't need, or couldn't afford.
Some years later I was managing a warehouse. I wasn't a salesman, but I was quite good at persuading customers to take something extra that I knew was good and they would have no trouble selling. I was good at and enjoyed my job, but I also enjoyed the odd bit of selling.
Trust me, I'm a doctor.
People have told me I would be a good teacher which strangely I ended up being an ESL teacher for about 10 months.
Was I good at it? YES
Did I like it? Not Really
I only liked connected with the students and talking life. I didn't like the actual teaching part of it. I ended up having my contract terminated and now I'm here. So there's that.