F5LTB - 10/26/2017 - Shoegaze Church and Thoughts of Death on a Late Night Run
I left a little after 11:30 tonight, I think. Very sleepy now. Actually, it’s no longer the 26th, either. My run tonight took me into tomorrow. That is to say, today.
MEMENTO MORI. Remember that you have to die.
I’m not sure why, but the message of “it’s time to face death and come to terms with it,” has been coming to me repeatedly in the last months. It’s been coming in myriad shapes and forms. I know I am not comfortable with the idea of death. I’m scared. I am.
I don’t like to think about my son dying. Or my wife dying. Or me dying and leaving them behind. I look at all the hustle bustle of the people in the town where I live. Tonight it struck me as such a waste. We have around 70 years. If we are lucky. These people are just rushing around not noticing anything, too stressed out and full of fear and then...the end.
I’m not sure if there is something after this. But I suspect there is. I don’t see how there couldn’t be. Life seems very...shifty. Things are always changing. Always moving. When you think you’ve got it pegged, often the whole thing changes shape, and you’re stuck trying to put a square peg in a round hole. Maybe death is just another one of these shifts.
It’s going to happen to me. It is. IT. IS. All this. Everything I know and love here, will be over...........or I will be the one left behind by the ones I love dying first. This makes me feel more alive NOW.
How can I get past this dreadful fear? Well, when I feel full of love and life and energy, I guess at those times I am not really afraid, because I can feel a love that is beyond this place and beyond explanation. In these moments it doesn’t matter what happens to me, because I am already eternal.
Shoegaze Playlist.
Helping me through my mini-death-contemplation-cool-October-night-8-mile trek tonight was an excellent playlist. All shoegaze.
Shoegaze is kind of where I live, I think, a lot of the time. Anyway, it was perfect. Running, totally alone, on almost creepily deserted streets still lit up and silent, like something from a David Lynch film. Then along the dark riverside path. Figures moving seemed menacing, though I knew somewhere this paranoia was almost surely unfounded.
Tonight’s Run.
DISTANCE: 8 miles
AVG. MILE TIME: 10’59””
THEME SONG: “When the Sun Hits” - Slowdive
Well. Lots to study now. Memento mori. Let’s remember that, so we don’t forget to live.
~KafkA
PREVIOUS FUJI 5LAKES TRAINING BLOGS:
A New Goal, A New Challenge, and A New Plan: THE FUJI 5LAKES ULTRAMARATHON!
Fuji 5Lakes Training Blog - 10/25/2017 - Running with Joanna Newsom's "The Milk-Eyed Mender"
~KafkA
Graham Smith is a Voluntaryist activist, creator, and peaceful parent residing in Niigata City, Japan. Graham runs the "Voluntary Japan" online initiative with a presence here on Steem, as well as Facebook and Twitter. (Hit me up so I can stop talking about myself in the third person!)
@kafkanarchy84 health is wealth. may God bless all of us
@kafkanarchy84 - Thoughts of death are depressing. My father's health condition prompts such thoughts often in my mind. However, it is a reality that no one can ignore. The calmer and better prepared we are about that ultimate truth, better off we will be in facing it and leaving things in good shape for loved ones
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Upvoted
Regards,
@vm2904
Yep, which is why I see such value in Steemit. If I could make this my "9 - 5" I could spend so much more time with my family.
And then it hits me from the other standpoint of I'm only making a few dollars a day using steemit. Why do I keep at it when I could be fully involved with them when I'm at home.
It's a balancing act on the blade of a sword.
This is such a good point, man. This hit me hard. Thank you.
well nice post my friend, no doubt every living thing will have to taste the death and i believe that death is not the end it is actually the beginning of a new life, well this life is just a test and in order to pass that test we all need to travel on a right path, we all have to grab the rope of truth, love and peace strongly and try to spent our life in such a way that every living thing always feel safe and happy with our existence, these things comes in good karma and i strongly believe that good karma always pays off in a great way, whenever some one dies he only takes one thing from here and that is his karma, Stay blessed my friend and thanks for sharing.
Thanks my friend. Blessings to you and your loved ones as well. I really appreciate hearing your thoughts. In America I was not raised with the idea of karma, but at this point in my life I do believe we get what we give. So, I think in a way that is basically what karma is, no? Thanks always for your thoughts.
Where there is a beginning there is also an end to it..but you never know when that time comes.. Thinking of death will make our life more shorter. So, I think we should be optimistic and do our duties well..
You are very courageous that's why you are not scared of anything...you dare to run alone in the middle of the night..A big salute to this brave man..