Feelings Are Our Friends Not Enemies! Feelings become Status Updates And Ghosting A New Trend?

in relationships •  6 months ago  (edited)

Feelings are like a compass but in my opinion some people's communication skills lack on massive substance and absence of courage.

[Songs & Free Writing]

It is not easy to build a deep enough connection in-between men and women these days and the dating progress became kind of weird. I will cover the topic of "ghosting" later.

Sometimes I am truly frustrated that most people, including myself spent too much time on some messenger services without showing enough efforts to actually meet. We all share who we are through social media, pictures, quotes and way too much texting, instead of looking in each others eyes to explore honest thoughts. We can't even remember each other's voices anymore unless we use voice messages for our monologs with or without replies.

I read this quote below the other day and it inspired me to write this article.

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable and to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”― Criss Jami

original photo and artifact by @onartbali

Many times I would like to just cut off the internet and live the way how it used to be back in the 70's and 80's but I am already hooked to the digital lifestyle. We only had phones but somehow still managed to have more valuable friendships than now. We were actually much more creative how to find each other in cafes, galleries or concerts on certain days and made arrangements to hook up weeks in advance. We did not need online dating services for single men and women. I am too old school and would never use those anyways.

To build a closer relationship, constant efforts of proper communication in person or at least per phone is a must and without sharing our feelings face to face, we will become more and more depressed because we end up disconnecting from our divine masculine and feminine balance with the universe and our souls.

I wrote the other day that I love to be alone but I wish to be alone with someone. because I need my independence as well as my space but it doesn't mean that I am not lonely as well, missing closeness, for sure more intimacy rather than casual sex.

Since I am single I realised that there are many men who try to hide or even numb their feelings like they would be in a stage of war with them and struggle to open up to confident women in particular. Sometimes it seems they would be worried to show their shadow sides, maybe even feeling worthless or insignificant. Maybe the pressure is too much to prove themselves to strong women. Sexual contact boosts their egos short term. They rather ghost and vanish to avoid rejection or feel stressed out by deeper and probably overwhelming feelings.

Let gooooo!!!!

Fun song jumps in my mind by "A Tribe Called Quest - Stressed Out (Tchami Remix)"

Stressed out? Why?

Maybe they think they are not worth to get compliments from a woman. Who knows? Personally I love to be open and say: "I adore you" or "I like it if you smile at me", if so :) or “You smell so Yum". Is it strange or too feminist to express appreciation freely? Isn't it so beautiful when you see your crush and smile for no reason like an idiot and a single text can change your mood at any moment. Why hide the truth just to keep up their "chase and hunting" instinct? Hold back? That’s not my style.

The other day I got that intense, flirty and super seducing look and yes, i do enjoy those because it's awesome to feel like a teenager at my age, even though just for a short moment but that's ok.

Lack of communication and assumption is the number one killer of any potential relationship.

I find it extremely sexy when a man I am attracted to opens up his heart to get everything out little by little (of course not all at one time). Isn't sharing your inner thoughts one of the best ways to heal ourselves and to get turned on? Don't fake of being ok because at the end you only hurt yourself. Honesty is so refreshing but so rare.

Let's be willing to take off our masks and learn how to trust.

We should figure out that our emotions are teaching us important things about ourselves and what's really going on inside. I would feel "dead" without experiencing my ups and downs fully. I am thankful to be struck by someones presence I value, no matter what's the outcome. Most important is to "FEEL" because I remember too well when I was numb.

In recent weeks I have very deep and intense talks with a couple of much younger women and male friends about "men" and how they express or not express themselves. I am in shock how many painful problems are mentioned and how many friendships are going bad in a very short time, even though the first attraction goes so well with the right energy flowing. The passion and desires felt at first turn into a cold hearted nightmare and ghosts start floating around, searching for distance instead of getting more intimate.

Floating by Schoolboy Q

I had to start exploring this topic out of curiosity. Personally I am not really such great expert and have no real answers nor advice for my friends. I was mostly in longterm relationships in the past and my little love affair I have is extremely unique and too odd to take as an example.

What is Ghosting and why it hurts so much?

Anybody who ghosts is focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and of course is not thinking about how it makes the other person feel. Why would they care? Somebody is left behind to get badly hurt, thrown into an ice-cold and also painful position. It appears like some sort of punishment but I was confused when this happened to me. I am not a masochist and hate it to be hurt on purpose.

The opposite of love isn’t hate, it's indifference. Ghosting, for those of you who haven’t yet experienced it, is having someone that you believe cares about you, whether it be a friend or someone you are dating, disappear from contact without any explanation at all. In today’s dating culture being ghosted is a phenomenon that approximately 50 percent of men and women have experienced—and an almost equal number have done the ghosting.1 Despite how common ghosting is, the emotional effects can be devastating, and particularly damaging to those who already have fragile self-esteem.
>Source

Nobody deserves to be blown off!

Ghosting is one of the cruelest forms of torture indeed.

I am an emotional pool.

My driving force are my emotions which makes me an easy target to be manipulated.

People are drawn to emotionally minded people and their willingness to connect on a deeper level.

I love and love hard and that’s why some people are drawn to me, even despite my attempts to alienate myself from the world at times.

This Hip Hop track is just perfect because Rico has his own way to explain about meeting his female ghost. Hmmmmm......lyrics those days puzzle me though!

Ghost · Rico Recklezz

Have you ever been ghosted and if so why? How did it feel?

You need to have high self-esteem not to fall into the trap, to be able to shake your head and just walk away to leave those weirdos behind.

This was a very long write up today but I feel so much better now :)

Yours
Mammasitta

This is my personal blog!
Resteeming with @massivevibration
@onartbali

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This is a very deep topic, where do I even begin replying you from?

Anybody who ghosts is focused on avoiding the own emotional discomfort and of course is not thinking about how it makes the other person feel.

I actually really thought about this sometime a few weeks ago, I know there's nothing that makes ghosting right at no case, but it occurred to me that what if ghosting is more of a psychological problem than we think it is.

Nobody deserves to be blown off! “Ghosting is one of the cruelest forms of torture!”

I totally agree with you

Correct! It seems to be a desease of trauma from the past.

It’s even too deep for me and I only touched the surface expressing the hurt coming with it to be ghosted. It’s my first time I experienced such behavior and trust me ....as a lover of open, honest and mindful communication it was truly a shock for me. I can’t believe that there are people who just walk away without a word of explanation. It doesn’t get into my mind of understanding human values and moral responsibilities to be fair and honest. It’s ridiculous! Really! On the other hand I start to get it that some people don’t have the capacity to express their obviously confused feelings and I cannot blame them because I am sure they have been hurt at some point maybe. I don’t know!

I feel disrespect and find it the action of cowards and so disappointing when you are personally faced with.

I am sad that intelligent humans can be so horrible and selfish.

Thanks for your valuable feedback and comment ✌♾

Wow wow wow !!!!

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Thank you for taking time to read my „thoughts“ in some of my articles I write with my heart 💜

have you seen this ?

https://steemit.com/appics/@mammasitta/alpha-kw-8-appics-im-23848

How to deal with A**holes!?

Great clip by Russel Brand

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Wow, what a great article you wrote.

Ghosting, I never heard of that term, but now I think I understand what it is.

In my own experience, I see more and more people spending time with themselves, their own family, and less with their friends. Not that they do this intentionally - at least I think it is most of the time not intentionally - but still it happens. Maybe this has to do with the fact we are told over and over again, we also need to take care of ourself. But that is probably not the only thing, all in all society as a whole is getting more selfish, I think. Am not sure if this has to do with Internet, social media, messaging services. Certainly, because of these new communication mechanism, we may be less inclined to meet in person, since we kinda follow the lives of the people around us through the digital world. But that said, because of all these new-ish communication mechanism I keep contact with people, I would have lost when not having social media and messaging services.

I think another aspect of today's lives is the enormous amount of triggers we get (mostly the digital communication), the kinda addiction to do whatever on our phone, but also the demands of society to do more in less time. Most of my friends having children, spend so much time bringing their children to whatever sports, classes and other activities, it is simply mindblowing. When I was a kid, I did one or two things every week, but today it seems children are doing one or two things every day. And this doesn't only count for children, I see this with my friends as well.

Interestingly, with the ever increasing automation of the world, it is easy to arrange a lot we want from our own home. Maybe we are loosing the art of exploring live by exploring the world with our physical body - I mean, we don't have to go out and about to find ourselves whatever we need, from clothes to food and so on. We order it from our digital devices. That may result in less (eye-2-eye) contact with people as well.

Maybe we shall ditch our phones and laptops indeed, at least for periods of time and try to live the 'analogue' way. I certainly try to do so, a few times a year. From time to time, I tell myself: Now, get in touch with your friends and arrange meetings to really see them and enjoy each other. But that said, I was always a looner, even before the idea of Internet was created :)

Wow! So happy to see you on my post 👯‍♀️ I am still so hung over from one of the best techno nights here in Vienna. #Herrensauna! Sublime

Thank you so much for your kind words reg this article. Means a lot coming from you.
I am growing every day and what I have learnt since gone from Bali is simply incredible.

Hope to see you in Vienna soon

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  ·  6 months ago (edited)

Owww, techno and best sounds damn good! :) Vienna, sounds also good, lets forget about ghosting and agree I shall come to Vienna sometime this year!

Yes yes yes pleaseeeee come to visit me
Ghosting is a total rude and disgusting joke only insecure people do, those who don’t have the courage to face up their problems and interactions with others. Many Balinese have the same mind and can vanish without a word after many years working for you example because they don’t want possible arguments. I find it super hurtful and impolite but I might be just old school

I leave my phone off a lot now! So if someone wants to cancel on me, they will have to ghost.

So far my friends are pretty good... people show up when the pressure is on :-P

So sweet to hear from you again Matt 😁😁😁 don’t be a ghost babe !


🙈

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oh, this is very inspiring, I have also thought about the topic lately. Opening up seems sometimes so difficult, because I become even more vulnerable as I already am and it's also about overcoming the fear of the reaction, paradoxically or not, this can make you stronger though and it is so important for building meaningful relationships.

I am so happy to see your valuable comment Vicky! Let’s keep on building those meaningful relationships and always remember that one-on-one conversations will never be replaced by social media communication.To be vulnerable shows that we are human beings and to keep our hearts open but of course still protected will attract the ones floating on the same frequency of authentic vibrations. The occasional pain of rejection can be overcome and crossed as a massive lesson. Oh dear! I never stop learning 💜

Did you ever follow up on Tarot card readings for the Devine Masculine and Feminine ? Quite interesting 😳

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Hi Mammasita,
Superb post, very thought provoking... the digital age has indeed brought such fundamental changes to the way people interact. We all need to continue to cultivate our real world friends and interactions and use technology only to augment not to replace socialising.

Have a great day - upvoted and resteemed :D

Oh! Thank you so much for finding my “thoughts” and your support re-blogging. I am old school and grew up in an analog world but injected by the digital progress I admire. I will never stop cultivating deep friendships to keep on feeling and looking in somebody’s eyes, the entrance to a human beings heart and soul.

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Thank you so much for participating in the Partiko Delegation Plan Round 1! We really appreciate your support! As part of the delegation benefits, we just gave you a 3.00% upvote! Together, let’s change the world!

  ·  6 months ago Reveal Comment