Feelings are like a compass but in my opinion some people's communication skills lack on massive substance and absence of courage.
[Songs & Free Writing]
It is not easy to build a deep enough connection in-between men and women these days and the dating progress became kind of weird. I will cover the topic of "ghosting" later.
Sometimes I am truly frustrated that most people, including myself spent too much time on some messenger services without showing enough efforts to actually meet. We all share who we are through social media, pictures, quotes and way too much texting, instead of looking in each others eyes to explore honest thoughts. We can't even remember each other's voices anymore unless we use voice messages for our monologs with or without replies.
I read this quote below the other day and it inspired me to write this article.
“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable and to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”― Criss Jami
original photo and artifact by @onartbali
Many times I would like to just cut off the internet and live the way how it used to be back in the 70's and 80's but I am already hooked to the digital lifestyle. We only had phones but somehow still managed to have more valuable friendships than now. We were actually much more creative how to find each other in cafes, galleries or concerts on certain days and made arrangements to hook up weeks in advance. We did not need online dating services for single men and women. I am too old school and would never use those anyways.
To build a closer relationship, constant efforts of proper communication in person or at least per phone is a must and without sharing our feelings face to face, we will become more and more depressed because we end up disconnecting from our divine masculine and feminine balance with the universe and our souls.
I wrote the other day that I love to be alone but I wish to be alone with someone. because I need my independence as well as my space but it doesn't mean that I am not lonely as well, missing closeness, for sure more intimacy rather than casual sex.
Since I am single I realised that there are many men who try to hide or even numb their feelings like they would be in a stage of war with them and struggle to open up to confident women in particular. Sometimes it seems they would be worried to show their shadow sides, maybe even feeling worthless or insignificant. Maybe the pressure is too much to prove themselves to strong women. Sexual contact boosts their egos short term. They rather ghost and vanish to avoid rejection or feel stressed out by deeper and probably overwhelming feelings.
Fun song jumps in my mind by "A Tribe Called Quest - Stressed Out (Tchami Remix)"
Stressed out? Why?
Maybe they think they are not worth to get compliments from a woman. Who knows? Personally I love to be open and say: "I adore you" or "I like it if you smile at me", if so :) or “You smell so Yum". Is it strange or too feminist to express appreciation freely? Isn't it so beautiful when you see your crush and smile for no reason like an idiot and a single text can change your mood at any moment. Why hide the truth just to keep up their "chase and hunting" instinct? Hold back? That’s not my style.
The other day I got that intense, flirty and super seducing look and yes, i do enjoy those because it's awesome to feel like a teenager at my age, even though just for a short moment but that's ok.
Lack of communication and assumption is the number one killer of any potential relationship.
I find it extremely sexy when a man I am attracted to opens up his heart to get everything out little by little (of course not all at one time). Isn't sharing your inner thoughts one of the best ways to heal ourselves and to get turned on? Don't fake of being ok because at the end you only hurt yourself. Honesty is so refreshing but so rare.
Let's be willing to take off our masks and learn how to trust.
We should figure out that our emotions are teaching us important things about ourselves and what's really going on inside. I would feel "dead" without experiencing my ups and downs fully. I am thankful to be struck by someones presence I value, no matter what's the outcome. Most important is to "FEEL" because I remember too well when I was numb.
In recent weeks I have very deep and intense talks with a couple of much younger women and male friends about "men" and how they express or not express themselves. I am in shock how many painful problems are mentioned and how many friendships are going bad in a very short time, even though the first attraction goes so well with the right energy flowing. The passion and desires felt at first turn into a cold hearted nightmare and ghosts start floating around, searching for distance instead of getting more intimate.
Floating by Schoolboy Q
I had to start exploring this topic out of curiosity. Personally I am not really such great expert and have no real answers nor advice for my friends. I was mostly in longterm relationships in the past and my little love affair I have is extremely unique and too odd to take as an example.
What is Ghosting and why it hurts so much?
Anybody who ghosts is focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and of course is not thinking about how it makes the other person feel. Why would they care? Somebody is left behind to get badly hurt, thrown into an ice-cold and also painful position. It appears like some sort of punishment but I was confused when this happened to me. I am not a masochist and hate it to be hurt on purpose.
The opposite of love isn’t hate, it's indifference. Ghosting, for those of you who haven’t yet experienced it, is having someone that you believe cares about you, whether it be a friend or someone you are dating, disappear from contact without any explanation at all. In today’s dating culture being ghosted is a phenomenon that approximately 50 percent of men and women have experienced—and an almost equal number have done the ghosting.1 Despite how common ghosting is, the emotional effects can be devastating, and particularly damaging to those who already have fragile self-esteem.
Nobody deserves to be blown off!
Ghosting is one of the cruelest forms of torture indeed.
I am an emotional pool.
My driving force are my emotions which makes me an easy target to be manipulated.
People are drawn to emotionally minded people and their willingness to connect on a deeper level.
I love and love hard and that’s why some people are drawn to me, even despite my attempts to alienate myself from the world at times.
This Hip Hop track is just perfect because Rico has his own way to explain about meeting his female ghost. Hmmmmm......lyrics those days puzzle me though!
Ghost · Rico Recklezz
Have you ever been ghosted and if so why? How did it feel?
You need to have high self-esteem not to fall into the trap, to be able to shake your head and just walk away to leave those weirdos behind.
This was a very long write up today but I feel so much better now :)