Maximum Capacity - Some Thoughts about Depression

_{Source: pixabay.com}

Disclaimer: This is a personal post, written around midnight on my phone. Nothing fictional, no story and not really scientific. Read at own risk.

I’ve been diagnosed with depression. It’s not bad enough that I need to take meds – at least not according to the therapist who diagnosed me. I’m extremely high functioning and you probably wouldn’t notice that something is wrong.

I’m doing alright at university, I’m extremely structured and can easily balance multiple tasks. I used to work two jobs and as you’ve probably seen, I post a text of significant length almost daily on here.

What you don’t know is that 80% of my energy is wasted on totally mundane things, like leaving the bed and showering on a regular basis. It takes immense self control for me just to keep living.

And sometimes I wonder, how would my life look like if I didn’t have to waste the majority of my energy? If I could actually use it to do things like studying? My current grades are mediocre, but that isn’t surprising. I barely study at all. And if you consider that, my grades are actually amazing.

If I were able to focus on studying, I’d probably be at the top of my class.

But I can’t.

I wonder how many people have the same problem. I wonder how scientifically evolved humanity would be if there weren’t people who are held back by their own brains.

I wonder what our world would look like if we were all able to live at maximum capacity.