Venezuelan Presidential Address: "Grass Is Good"


Presidential Address


“Good evening my fellow comrades. Tonight, I wish to share with you some excellent news. The food shortages that our great nation has been experiencing ... which have been caused by the Imperial Yankee Devils … is about to come to an end.

That’s right. As you have heard myself, and Comrade Chavez before me, repeatedly say … La Revolución Bolivariana could, and would, provide for all Venezuelans. And that promise, comrades, is about to come true. 

Recently, I received a letter from a comrade in the United States. His name is Comrade QuillFire. Comrade QuillFire was once a filthy capitalist dog, a degenerate mongrel blinded by lust and greed. But, he has seen the light. His epiphany came from watching YouTube speeches of our beloved Comrade Ocasio-Cortez. 

Her ability to break the chains of reason, apply the innovations of Progressive metaphysical mathematics and her die-hard support for her Socialist brethren around the world – so inspired Comrade QuillFire that he was moved to write what can only be described as a literary masterpiece: 'Grass Is Good.'

In Comrade QuillFire’s epic work, he begins by uncovering a plot – called Operation Barnyard – contrived by the Yankee imperialist CIA and designed to enslave all the freedom-loving peoples of the world. And comrades … it is a plot so devious and dastardly that even El Diablo would be aghast.  

And what is this Operation Barnyard, you ask?  

In a word … cows. 

Yes, comrades, cows.  

As many of you may know, modern cows eat grass and emit tremendous amounts of … gas. Specifically, methane, a global-warming gas. Indeed, as a greenhouse gas, methane is 22 times more powerful than is carbon dioxide. And so, these modern cows massively contribute to Global Warming … while at the same time eating up one of the few things that could reduce the level of CO2 in the atmosphere … grass

Grass 'n gas.  

Now understand, cows were not always this way. In the olden days, they could eat grass all day long and barely let out a toot. But that’s were Operation Barnyard came in. Decades ago, the Americanos began genetically engineering cows such that they would produce MASSIVE amounts of flatulence. And, of course, they began selling these cows around the world. 

But why, you ask, would the Yankees want to fill the atmosphere with methane, thereby dramatically increasing Global Warming?  

Ice. 

All those nuclear-powered aircraft carriers … why do you think the Americanos have so many of them? To understand why, you must first understand that they were actually designed to have a dual purpose: A means of invading poor and peace-loving countries, but also … as giant ice-cube making machines! 

And so, when the Earth becomes an oven in 12 years, as Comrade Ocasio-Cortez has so often explained that it will, the Americanos will possess a near-monopoly on industrial scale ice-production. It will be, “Buy our ice-cubes … or we’ll invade your sweaty-assed Banana Republic.”  Plata o plomo. The pamphlets have already been printed.  



But here's where Comrade QuillFire uses magic to create miracles.

You see, 'Grass Is Good' is not merely an exposé about Yankee deceit and deception, it is also … a cookbook! A cookbook that will allow Venezuelans to free themselves from the shackles of consuming American genetically engineered, and methane metabolizing, cows. A cookbook that will permit Venezuela to cut out the middleman and the methane – instead of the cows eating grass and us eating them … we'll eat the grass directly!  

And make no mistake, as Comrade QuillFire has demonstrated, grass prepared correctly is a culinary delight. Look here on page sixty-three: “Alfalfa au Sauce d’Eau.” It makes my mouth water just thinking about it. And how about this delectable sounding treat, “Chopped Clover in Mango Marinade.” And this: “Fescue au Sauce Bourguignonne?” I could go on and on for hours.  

Despite this exciting news, some of you may be wondering what we’re going to do with all the cows in Venezuela. This is a grave concern, one that I and the Generals have carefully considered. Genetically engineered monstrosities or not, they are still God’s creatures and we cannot simply slaughter them and let their bodies rot.

Someone … will have to eat them. 

It is at times like this when the burden of leadership weighs most heavily. But no thing is free and someone must pay the price. And so, with heavy heart, I asked my Generals to accept the burden of their command and to do their duty. And it is with great pride that I can report that not a single one even hesitated. 

We … will eat the cows. 

We will eat and eat and eat until there are no more. We will eat until this curse has been removed from the land. It may take years, perhaps even decades, but we will not relent.  

Our good comrade, Comrade QuillFire, is not only a deep thinker and an inspirational chef, he is also an incredibly gifted poet. Indeed, he was once nominated for the Nobel Prize for Literature. With a generosity of spirit that I am hard-pressed to articulate, he ended 'Grass Is Good' with a poem that I would like to share with you. It is entitled, 'Maduro The Great.'

Maduro The Great

Imperialist dogs, those damned demagogues,
Whiners, there’s always a few,
Moaning and groaning for tyrant-dethroning,
And trying to launch it a coup.

They’ve no gratitude, do naught but collude,
Scheming like thieves in the night,
Always protesting, in need of arresting,
For riots the bastards incite.

Thank goodness for you and all that you do,
Nation in need of a hero,
Socialist dream of Utopian theme,
Thank God, we’ve got him Maduro.

Defies it belief that one would eat beef,
Who else would pay such a price?
All who are woke will sense it your yoke,
Yet silent … your self-sacrifice.

***

Don't cry for me … Venezuela,
All men must face it their fate,
For it atmosphere, I will persevere,
For I, Maduro The Great.


Was that not beautiful?

So excited was I about this development that I ordered the creation of two new currency bills to commemorate this culinary coup de grace. As you can see, one is dedicated to our fallen comrade, Comrade Chavez. I cannot help but feel deep pangs of sorrow … if only he’d lived to see this day:




And with that, comrades, I will let you get back to your daily routines. But as you do, I want you to remember:


'V' is for Victory!
'V' is for Venezuela!
&
'V' ... is for Vegan!


Viva La Revolución!!!"


*****

Quill


All images are linked to source, are QuillFire originals or are modifications of images in the public domain. Videos and images may also be parodies of original works, therefore relying upon applicable exemptions from copyright. 


You guys know the QuillDrill. Be verbose ... but articulate.

And remember ...

Go Love a Starving Poet

For God's sake ... they're starving!



 

Sort:  

Wow all I can say is first it was seeing a post by Denise, now this one, and both brought out the need for the same tune:

When they find out how to burn water
And the gasoline car is gone
When an airplane flies without any fuel
And sunlight heats our home
One of these days when the air clears up
And the sun come shining through
We'll all be drinking that free bubble up
And eating that rainbow stew

(Rainbow Stew, Merle Haggard, 1981)

@old-guy-photos,

Ol' Guy ... I'd never heard this song. It's brilliant!!!

Go to @jaynie's Track of the Day post (she does them on Monday's, so yesterday's post) and make it your entry.

Quill

@quillfire

What a way to begin my day! 🤣

the Americanos began genetically engineering cows such that they would produce MASSIVE amounts of flatulence. And, of course, they began selling these cows around the world.

Doesn't quite trump the American bovine who produces more gas than anyone would have thought possible.

If you are looking for guest cooks to contribute to your recipe anthology, I'd like to contribute one containing two magic South African grasses: Transkei Gold and Durban Poison.

Let me know. I'd be happy to oblige.

Fiona

Posted using Partiko Android

@fionasfavourites,

Fiona ... I was scratching my head. I need someone who:

1.) Laughs at all my stupid jokes;
2.) Possesses the culinary skills such that a resultant Gourmet Grass dish might be plausibly edible; and
3.) Possesses an ensprit de corps sufficient to engage in silliness for the sake of symbolism.

Ahhh ... Fiona.

Girl ... you go find a ditch and start reaping. I guarantee you Top Billing.

Disclaimer: You and @jaynie can't just use a piece of hay as a straw to slurp up some wine or as a stir stick for your Pina Coladas. Your dish has to be something that Comrade Maduro could actually claim was a meal.

Quill

@quillfire

Google Durban Poison and Transkei Gold and you will see that both the dish and the accoutrements will fit your bill....never mind Maduro's...

Fiona

@fionasfavourites,

You won't need any wine! Just whip up some brownies, add grass ... and you're good to go. Food AND medicine.

You're going to get a trophy. Hell, they might make you a general.
.

.
Quill

@quillfire

Gotcha!

Cookies will be waiting. Bring the whips. @jaynie will have the 👢👢

Posted using Partiko Android

@fionasfavourites,

From what I've heard, @jaynie has the whips too.
.

.
Quill

Oh yeah! 🤣

Posted using Partiko Android

Lol, the ads below the comment box says Aurox and shows me the horned head of one. Great topic sensitivity ;)

Well done, comrade!

@manoldonchev,

Hey Manny. Creating this post made me hungry. Of course, as I self-identify as Napoleon :-)
.

.
Quill

By Napoleon do you mean the dessert with the same name?

@manoldonchev,

:-) More a flesh-eating General.

Manny, go take a look at @plantstoplanks comment. What if we created a bunch of derivative posts, each tagged with #GrassIsGood. Gourmet grass cooking. Poems. Satire. Creative Bolivar designs. Hell, musicians could give us their renditions of, "Don't Cry For Me, Venezuela."

Anything even faintly related to the Venezuelan theme.

Thoughts?

Quill

Hahah! Now that is a rich one. I must eat a glorious burger tonight in honour of your enlightenment and to save the environment. Can’t see any flaws in that logic!

Hahah so good.

Posted using Partiko iOS

@zekepickleman,

Logic ... that's the key. If people would just reason from First Principles, we could solve all the world's problems overnight. Clearly some of these left wing luminaries have mastered the craft. :-)

Green New Deal: Cost ... more money than exists on planet Earth. So what, don't be defeatist!

Quill

But not doing something radical, like the green new deal, will cost us far more. I hope you are not one of those anti-science climate change deniers. As a scientist, when I listen to @AOC what I hear is a person who is in tune with the issues and is at least proposing solutions. Many are threatened by her, because she threatens their extractive, exploitative way of life. Of course, she is also a woman. That alone threatens many in the establishment. So logic, yes, that is the key. Our present system of capitalism is broken and we need major changes to fix it. @AOC is proposing those changes.

Proud member of #powerhousecreatives

@toddrjohnson,

We'll have to agree to disagree respecting AOC.

Anyone can claim to be able to solve any problem ... if they invoke the use of magic. AOC's proposals are ridiculously unrealistic. As you know, I too am a science guy ... but science requires me to distinguish between the "possible" (anything one can conceive) and the "plausible" (something one can reasonably achieve). It's the difference between theory and reality.

Respecting being threatened by AOC because she's a woman ... I think this is the very definition of a Leftist Red Herring argument, trotted out every time someone points out that a woman's argument lacks evidence for it's assertion. Explain to me how to PAY for any of these dream schemes and I'll happily apologize for being sarcastic and sign myself up for a re-education class.

"Marxism/Socialism" (which is what AOC is advocating under the guise of Post-Modern Progressivism) has been tried on countless occasions and has never resulted in anything other than systemic impoverishment, authoritarian regimes and dead bodies too numerous to count.

At what point do logical people say, "Enough ... clearly Utopian systems don't work? We'll have to make the best of political/cultural systems (democracy/capitalism) that take into account how human beings ACTUALLY behave."

Name an economic system that comes within a mile of capitalism's record of lifting people out of poverty. Adam Smith (the Wealth of Nations and the Father of Capitalism) was not an economist ... he was a sociologist, concerned with alleviate the greatest amount of poverty (neither term existed at the time so I'm characterizing).

There isn't one.

Yes, capitalism creates excesses and, left to it's own devises, devolves into cannibalism. But notice that Western capitalism is regulated so as to ensure honest competition and the rule of law. It may not be perfect, but it's a lot better than any of the alternatives. And the science of statistics is most assuredly on my side.

Quill

Gosh darn it Quill, now you've let the secret out everyone is going to be wanting to eat grass. Now us vegans might just have a shortage on our hands. And why didn't you tell me you were creating a cookbook? I would have been happy to share my world-renowned "grass smoothie" with you. (True story--I actually have a friend who tells me my smoothies look like they are comprised of "dragonflies and grass", though I think the dragonflies would not count as vegan)

Thanks for calling me over. I think? 😉

@plantstoplanks,

Now THAT is an EXCELLENT idea!!!

OK, here's what you do. Do a DTube video preparing some "gourmet grass." Tag it with #GrassIsGood. I'll change one of my tags ... we'll start a movement. This could be a thing.

Quill

LOL!!!
AOC....methinks she has opened a world up for the comedians of the future. Just so much material! Even though a lot of it is hot gas, that happens to destroy peoples lives :)

@towjam,

AOC....methinks she has opened a world up for the comedians of the future. Just so much material!

Honestly ... it's almost too easy. Satire is supposed to require pithy and probing insights. But AOC and progressives just toss it onto your plate. Logic and math ... "tools of the Patriarchy and evidence of white privilege."

Really?

Aristotle (who BTW wasn't a feminist) is one of my intellectual heros. I guess that makes me ... a Nazi.

Sometimes I feel like I'm on Candid Camera and someone is going to jump out and say, "Gotcha! Come on, Quill ... did you really believe anyone could believe THAT?"

Quill

Greetings, Quill
You finally did it. Congratulations, you got that off your chest. Now I will finally meet you in person. I'm sure as soon as they read this, they will have you shipped over here to substitute (Clap Freddy) Freddy Bernal in the How-to-feed-the-people-you're-starving-yourself Ministry.

In Sep 2017, Bernal came up with the Plan Rabbit (I'm not making this up, and I know I've been writing a lot about rabbits in the shape of Tío Conejo. As I have repeatedly said, the chavistas has made it really difficult for humorists to come up with jokes. Those mother f... are living jokes).

“Nos han enseñado que el conejo es una mascota bien bonita, pero el conejo visto desde el punto de vista de la guerra, una coneja pare aproximadamente diez, doce conejitos, al final se crían ocho. En dos meses y medio tenemos un conejo de dos kilos y medio”.

("They have taught us that the rabbit is a very pretty pet, but the rabbit, seen from the war perspective, a females rabbit gives birth to approximatey 10, 12 littel rabbits, 8 survive in the end. in 2 and a half months we have a rabbit of 2 1/2 kg").

When medicines became impossible to find or afford, all government officials started to replicate the message that we did not need pharmaceuticalproducts, that we had the equivalent to all medications in our plants (which may be partly true, but you can guess the consequences of a state-run innitiative such as this). People were encourage to grow their own medicines. End of the medicine crisis!
In the meantime, they keep having a ball and becoming balls

PS. I am working on a long translation right now,but if it is ok with you I can have your post translated by tomorrow. I think that our spanish speaking Steemians should have a taste of Quill sarcasm

@hlezama,

Henrry ... this post is dedicated to you brother. And a translation ... I will edit my post and include the hyperlink at the top.

Plan Rabbit ... you know, that's actually pretty smart. Why? Because you don't even need a farm ... they're small enough that one could raise them in an apartment's bathroom. And why not? Without water, it's not like you guys are taking long baths. Plus, you could use the rabbit hides to make mitts and sell them to the Colombians to generate a little extra cash. Colombians love mitts.
.

.
Keep your hands warm in the jungle while protecting against snake bites.
.

.
The ultimate in sleek and sexy fashion accessories for you in your bikini.

These guys are always thinking.

Quill

This has gone on long than I expected. I can imagine him holding up photos of Mao and Lenin next to Bolivar and Castro. And we will have AOC saying he is doing an inspirational thing.

Posted using Partiko Android

@abitcoinskeptic,

I have a good friend, @hlezama, who lives in Venezuela. When I read his accounts, I am constantly reminded of Orwell's "1984." It's almost like they think the book was an exemplar ... a thing to be replicated!!!

They missed the point. :-)

Once the ideological lens is firmly in place, it becomes all-but-impossible for ideologues to be convinced that their self-evidently erroneous beliefs are wrong. Logic and evidence is of no use whatsoever. Ideology is a dangerous thing.

Quill

I haven't talked to a lot of people from Venezuela, but I've talked to a lot from China and central asia where they seem to like their dictators. They have no idea that it is holding the people back and cheer them for progress. Life was so miserable for most in these places before it happened, they are technically better off now. At least Venezuelans can remember better times and clearly know what it has done.

Perhaps most interestingly I've talked to and listened to several North Korean defectors. The North Koreans have taken it to next level, beyond what even Orwell considered possible.

These days defectors are barely even put on tv in the South because the current leftist administration here wants to promote peace at all costs and doesn't want to offend the dictatorship up north.

Apologists are the worst kinds of people and watching Trump and the South Korean President Moon shake and hug Mr. Kim while smiling and saying he is a good person while at the same time saying Maduro is bad makes me feel absolutely disgusted.

Posted using Partiko Android

Apologists are the worst kinds of people and watching Trump and the South Korean President Moon shake and hug Mr. Kim while smiling and saying he is a good person while at the same time saying Maduro is bad makes me feel absolutely disgusted.

I could not agree more. That's the sickening part of politics these days. Well, when I think about it, it has always been like that. Dictotors' goodness/badness is directly proportional to "national interests."
Maduro is a SOB and he and all his croonies deserve the world's despite, but the rejection of evilness should be expressed more coherently, i believe. The power houses of the world seem to be competing for the contradiction crown.

It's a difficult situation because Russia China and America are all deeply involved. Eventually, the government is just going to be protecting the oil and other resources for international interest if that isn't already what is going on.
I have no doubt that it is going to get more violent and more corrupt. Selling out to America is not pleasant, but compared to Russia and China it is a dream.
It's so sad because that country had enormous potential with all it's resources and being way closer to overseas markets than the rest of the continent.

Absolutely. It's a complex situation, but I think it is clear by now what each power house can do. The chinese and russians just made sure they'd own the country. Most of our current debt comes from murkey deals with china and russia. They could not care less if the money was put to the right use or if the programs had been properly executed. As a matter of fact, I think it was in their best interest that venezuela's corruption prospered.
In their minds and philosophies, the most ruined the country is the better and more easily controlable its people are.

I have no doubt who I would rather be exploited by.
I don't see caravans of people headed into China or Russia. At least some in america have altruistic views on assisting, if nothing else but to keep regional stability.

Posted using Partiko Android

Anything that leads to more consumption of cows has to be good. Thanks, Quill! You've done us a great service.

@blockurator,

I had a feeling you'd swing by and volunteer to forgo foliage in favor of flesh. :-)

For the Record: Just because Block looks EXCACTLY like Fidel Castro does not mean he shares his ideology ... or love of legumes.
.

.
Quill

Legumes are nature's gift to psychopaths. Don't know 'em.

I wasn't sure you were going with this, and finding something about Venezuela in the #humor-fun channel definitely surprised me! But hopefully some humor is a good thing in these troubling times.

@jayna,

If there is one thing ideologues HATE more than all others, it is being ridiculed. And hence, the reason satirists are always the first to hang. More than ever, Venezuelans must maintain their senses of humor (gallows humor, but humor nevertheless) as depression will only make their problems worse.

I do not possess an aircraft carrier but I do possess a pen. And so do many others. I encourage everyone to use them. Let the dictators drown in derision.

Quill

Indeed, indeed! And as you said, there are some amazing, witty, brilliant Venezuelan voices too. They are not remaining silent. I do hope this horrid situation ends soon, one way or another.

@jayna,

@hlezama, a fellow PHC member, translated my post into Spanish, including a Verse-to-Verse translation of my poem (this is VERY HARD to do. As Robert Frost once said, "Poetry is that lost is translation").

https://steemit.com/venezuela/@quillfire/discurso-presidencial-la-paja-es-buena

Henrry though is a Professor of Literature and the finest literary critic on the blockchain. And, his grasp of English, even the artistic forms, is impeccable.

The Power House Creatives is an impressive repository of talents.

Quill

I ate cow tonight. Tell me I'm not a team player!

Booyah! !tip

I am off to work, or I would get verbose! Bye!

@dswigle,

This bloody post is making me hungry and I'm snacking like a madman. Denise, you ARE a team player ... saving the planet from the moos of methane metabolism.

Keep up the great work! :-)

Quill

Ah, grass an capitalist dogs, I like it...

@wales,

Wales, not that kind of ... "grass." Eating, no smoking. :-)

Quill

🎁 Hi @quillfire! You have received 0.1 SBD tip from @dswigle!

@dswigle wrote lately about: Do Flowers Speak Louder Than Words? Feel free to follow @dswigle if you like it :)

Sending tips with @tipU - how to guide :)

Congratulations @quillfire! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

You got more than 4750 replies. Your next target is to reach 5000 replies.

You can view your badges on your Steem Board and compare to others on the Steem Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP

Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:

New japanese speaking community Steem Meetup badge
Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness to get one more award and increased upvotes!

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.18
TRX 0.03
JST 0.044
BTC 11101.79
ETH 385.19
USDT 1.00
SBD 0.97