Ebb and Flow [Day 3]
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A gleam beside me draws my eye
to fire cradled in stone, azure born,
a heaven hidden beneath the sky,
and, in jealousy, the ocean churned,
plucked the gem, the waves to claim,
bury beauty deep, all that is rare is rare,
for neither the heavens nor the sea
could face the stone and claim their name;
in love and war, say all that is fair is fair,
though, at peace, a stone may disagree.
In arms came tide's deep inhale,
I stood, rooted, as earth pulled away,
burying my feet unto ankles breadth
and, with stone, bid us "please stay."
As grains framed the gem in glass,
flowing mirror shattered by golden rays,
I saw, reflected, what time sees pass
hands between tic to toc beauty away;
nothing here is here to stay, thus I
left stone to shore and another day.
a last minute piece thrown together for my Day 3, I reserve the right to edit over the next few days [edit tracker: 6] - already feeling the burn at 97 to go... oh no...
Written for free-verse poetry maven @d-pend's revolutionary poetry initiative The 100 Day Poetry Challenge undertaken for Steemit School where @d-pend will be hosting a daily poetry show at 6 PM GMT [Advanced Group].
@isleofwrite logo design by @PegasusPhysics
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This is lovely. I linked @whoshim to it in private in particular, because the sentence structure is very much his style, but I love this piece.
The only thing I think could be improved is splitting "rare is rare" and "fair is far" to different stanzas. That stanza feels a bit too large, especially with these two instances contained within.
That's my favourite bit. It feels as if it rhymes when it doesn't. I actually had to go back after getting to "stay" because I wondered why we're having an additional line rhyme here.
While I'm sure I could find a word here or there to sand off, the cadence, the flow. They are really well done. Good job, Alain. You have a winner here.
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A poem by @carmalain7 everyday? Count me in!
I've always been a fan of you. Your poems are really well structured. Effort is evident every time you post your works.
unequivocally honored, @reewritesthings
I love your choice of words and the way it gives a clearer picture of what you are painting. This reads too good to be called thrown together :) .
And thanks for your contributions at the poetry class, you are a joy to listen to. Your ideas are just lit, that word map you showed, i am hoping to do something similar on my next poem.
Thank you so much, @fego, I say thrown together, but I also kept editing it even after I posted and it went through some editing rounds even before.
And mate! you are so kind, absolutely honored that you saw value in some of the things I share. Always happy to help in any way, definitely feel free to reach out if you ever have any questions, my friend.
That makes two of us, but I suppose they call it a challenge for a reason. But based on this and previous works you're going strong.
I'm cheering you both on! Keep writing. :)
Thank you :)
Happy to have boats in the water with me, my friend.
Likewise, it's good to share the journey.
Wow! W-o-w! You take my breath away!
This is really a killer poetry! Can't wait for your 97 more.
honored, good sir
Wish I could writelike that! You own it!
If we wish to enjoy lasting beauty, then we must find beauty in continual change.
As grains framed the gem in glass,
flowing mirror shattered by golden rays,
I saw, reflected, what time sees pass
hands between tic to toc beauty away;
nothing here is here to stay, thus I
left stone to shore and another day.
Fantastic write, carmalain:)
Still swimming along with the poetry challenge. But things are a little bare these days on steemit. Love to have some more eyes on my blog. Stop on in, if you have a moment:)
Oooo, this was awesome! Damn good, especially for a last minute piece.
Your words is having the deep meaning. Nice poetry.
I upvote and followed you, so please give me feedback at my day 3 poetry. https://steemit.com/poetry/@anggreklestari/the-everything-about-loving-day-2-100-days-of-poetry-challenge