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RE: Ebb and Flow [Day 3]

in #poetry6 years ago

This is lovely. I linked @whoshim to it in private in particular, because the sentence structure is very much his style, but I love this piece.

The only thing I think could be improved is splitting "rare is rare" and "fair is far" to different stanzas. That stanza feels a bit too large, especially with these two instances contained within.

In arms came tide's deep inhale,
I stood, rooted, as earth pulled away,

That's my favourite bit. It feels as if it rhymes when it doesn't. I actually had to go back after getting to "stay" because I wondered why we're having an additional line rhyme here.

While I'm sure I could find a word here or there to sand off, the cadence, the flow. They are really well done. Good job, Alain. You have a winner here.

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