What Can We Do Besides Discipline//Punish Our Children?
Parenting/interacting with children is a journey of the soul. Anyone who has been blessed to be in the presence of a child will know that they see right through you. They will look deep into your soul and make you face yourself. If you dare to take the challenge, your relationships and your entire life will be forever changed!
Children are very raw and real.
They tell you like it is.
They show you how they feel.
That is, unless we squash the realness out of them.
You see, it's really isn't about raising them to be acceptable to society,
it's about honoring their being.
We are on a soul journey together.
We can make it what we want.
Why not make it easy, fluid, enjoyable and juici-licous?
Why not really bask in their presence here on this planet,
and tune into the evolution they so freely share?
"There is always a solution." @quinneaker
We all know that children learn from their environment. They mimic what they experience. So the first thing we can do to guide them, is to take a long hard look at ourselves as parents/caregivers and set an amazing example.
The truth is, children are mirrors of their parents and caregivers, especially when they are young, carrying around the energetics of the generations before. When our children behave in ways we do not like, instead of acting to discipline or correct them, it is wise to first check our own behavior, and see what it is we are instilling in them.
Whether they are acting needy, whiney, aggressive, selfish, messy, noisy, or rude (...) -- they are likely just taking on our energetics, and showing us the truth about ourselves. It is sometimes difficult to see how we have/are contributing to the situation, but if we take the opportunity to honestly look within, we can change the pattern before it becomes a long-term issue.
" The results are the experiences you have provided for them. It's not justifiable or honorable to be blaming them." @quinneaker
Let’s take a scenario, for example: Say your child seems to be needy, always wanting your attention, to be held, to be the center of everything, to be first, noticed, recognized or acknowledged, or interrupts, is demanding or bossy to get what he wants.
HERE ARE A FEW THINGS YOU CAN DO:
- Be thankful! Acknowledge that he is your mirror and is giving you the gift of conscious engagement. It’s a blessing!
- Stop what you’re doing and give him your undivided attention! Some parents might say that the child is manipulating them with the needy behavior and therefore don’t want to give it any attention. The trick is to be in tune with the child and notice when those feelings are coming up, nipping it in the bud BEFORE it really turns into something. Nothing is more important than helping your child feel secure and cared for. Often times he just wants a few moments of your time to reconnect, to feel he matters, and to get a bit of loving. The more he feels he can count on you to be there when he feels he needs you, the less likely he is to have to make a big deal of getting your attention. If he doesn't get your attention right away, he will likely escalate his behavior to get your attention and make sure you notice him. Noticing him after he has amplified the behavior, then gets him your attention and validates his behavior. Sometimes children/people feel negative attention is better than no attention at all.
- Be honest with yourself! Meditate on the situation to see if you feel the same inside. Are you feeling that you need more attention, more affection, more assistance, or to be given more time or recognition? Or perhaps you have a need to be needed to boost your own value and self worth. If you are needy, he will pick up on that quickly and show you your own behaviors.
- Communicate with your child! Share with your child your own feelings, acknowledging that you too feel the same at times, and talk about what you can both do to get your needs met. Children often have great solutions, so asking their input can not only diffuse the neediness, but can also lead to a better outcome overall.
"There is a way to have a healthy, beneficial, ideal outcome.
Always ask how can it be done better?" @quinneaker
IF WE...
Engage our children (ideally) from the time they are young with unconditional love, honor, and respect,
Take responsibility for our own dysfunctions,
Question our beliefs on what is right/wrong/good/bad/acceptable/inappropriate,
Break the cycle of predetermined mindsets of generations before,
Guide our children into a fully responsible, self-directed, and self-empowered life,
Accept, acknowledge and support the divine light we each bring to the planet,
Internalize these changes….
WE CAN OVERCOME...
The conditioned reactions we have take on as our own,
The fallacy of all the “correct” and “appropriate’ ways we have been taught are truth,
Wasting mass amount of energy it takes to get others to comply or stay in line,
Putting our own ideas onto others,
The tension and conflict it creates...
WE WILL UPGRADE OUR LIVES BY...
Seeing the thoughts of old are not the most beneficial way.
Taking responsibility for ourselves and helping our children be responsible for themselves.
Changing the way we engage one another.
Becoming more vulnerable.
Becoming better communicators.
Working through our own demons.
Designing amazing relationships and life together.
And experiencing more harmony and peace than ever before.
"The results are about you, much more so than it is about them." @quinneaker
Dare we take the challenge for our own sake--
for the children’s sake--
for the sake of the future of mankind ???
I live at the @gardenofeden in Texas, where children are honored as divine beings. The vision of a responsible and empowered existence is being exemplified everyday, a truly joyous and extraordinary life based on the founder @quinneaker's infinite perspective. Learn more about life in our sustainable community: My Introduce Myself Post: The Profound Nature of a Conscious Life--Living in Community
MY STEEMIT WRITINGS ON CHILDREN
My Steemit Best Undiscovered Author Award winning post: Imagine the Potential for Life If Children Grew Up with True Freedom in a World of Self Design: Here is a Real Example of Children Living Such a Life
Disciplining Children -- Questioning the Norm
No "shoulds", "have-tos", or "musts"!!! Growing a Life of Freedom -
Empowered and Immersed in Unconditional Love!Life of a Free Child
Part I: What's Up With School, Anyway? Insight into the game.
Part II: What's Up With School Anyway? How Children Aren't Meant to be Treated
Part III: What's Up With School, Anyway? If There Should Be a School-What That Could Look Like and Imagining a Life of Freedom
Part IV: What's Up With School, Anyway? Empowering a New Generation
I am teaching children in chess and your post gave me some things I definitely will change, thank you!
Well that's interesting @schamangerbert! I love to be of service and inspire. Children have inspired me and it feels good to pay it forward. Good for you, good for your children!! Following you.
I got so much out of teaching children, I will not miss it. The best part is when they become better than me :) One 14 year old beats me now 2 out of 3.
Have a nice day, see you!
That is quite the testament to you! Inspiring others to be better than us is of high order. Thank goodness for evolution! Happy everything to you @schamangerbert.
When I hear a child whining I feel really sad because now I know it is a child begging to be honored. In the past the whining would get me feeling angry. Now, looking back, I realize that I was only angry because I was still a little girl not getting those early needs met. The anger came from being triggered, remembering I had nothing to give my children. How could I give them something I never had?
My own childhood trauma made me determined to not traumatize my own children. In hindsight I see how unrealistic that was. However, I am regularly seeing how I unintentionally abused my children but I now aid greatly in their healing as well as my own by being VULNERABLE and taking responsibility for what has occurred and where I am currently.
After living with the children at the Garden of Eden for a few years and interacting with them I see clearly how almost every child on the planet is being abused. Our kids showed me so many things about myself. I'm so grateful for @everlove and @quinneaker for showing me myself and how to rethink everything.
What a great, VULNERABLE response @loveon. I never considered myself abused, as I likely had one of the best childhoods of most anyone I know. I do now know what it means to honor a child, and believe that type of childhood would be preferable to any other childhood I could ever imagine. It's just the standards we have been living by as human beings are so low. Our parents parented similar to their parents, and we have learned to parent that way too. Even if we have intentions of doing things differently, the deeply ingrained patterns repeat themselves. Vulnerability, responsibility and communication are KEY!!
I love that you have seen what is possible and have taken to heart your own awareness, taking responsibility and steps to heal on many levels.
I am grateful for the example at the @gardenofeden and blessed beyond measure to be a part of a new paradigm of living. Thank you for your comment @loveon.
Because I love you I am going to be honest with you. As long as you continue to hold dear the idea that you had an abuse free, "best childhood" you will continue to be blind to your blocks. You survived by being the good girl and you're still doing it. It's no different than my fear-based blocks, being hyper-protective of myself. We're both caught behind a veil of delusion.
Truly grateful for your response. Big hugs and love to you.
Oh I'm not saying I wasn't abused, I said --" I never considerED myself abused, as I likely had one of the best childhoods of most anyone I know." And just because it was one of the best of anyone I know, doesn't mean there wasn't abuse going on. You and I both know that abuse is WAY more than what we have thought it to be, sometimes way deeper and often times more covert than the blatant beatings and rape that is generally acknowledged as abuse. There is no doubt that protecting myself by being the good girl has had lifelong implications. Gratefully I am amongst those in it for the long haul, questioning and holding space for healing for us all.
Thanks for your response @loveon. Hugs and love back your way.
good posting... voted and followed....^^
Thank you @abdullar. Grateful for your presence here and for your sharing my post around! Following you too.
Yes, beautiful post and so true! thanks
Thank you for tuning in and making a comment @natureofbeing. It's very interesting to see how many of us are actually getting on the same page! There is a lot to look at here. Very grateful to do it with you.
Namaste
We actually don't have the right do much of what we do as a race. No other animal treats us like we do or even themselves for that matter. Life is so much better when you free your mind. As it when you are a child your mind is as free as it ever is.
Very well said @virtualgrowth. I wonder how we got so far away from love!! It's surprising to me how we have all gone along with that way of thinking for so long. Now that we know there is another way, there is nothing else to do, but DO IT!! Freeing ourselves and our children is the greatest gift we can bestow upon us. Learning from the children is wise--showing us freedom as good as it gets! Thank you so much for your comment! <3
Your post is very interesting! I got a lot of fun! Thank you!
Thank you @olga.maslievich. Are you a parent too? Do you have experience with this subject? I'm following you Olga.
Great post. Traditional discipline doesn't work, timeouts don't work, nothing works if it's not based on communication.
Nothing works if it isn't based on love! Communication is key, something most of us are incredibly horrible with. I for one have heard a bazillion times through the years that "children should be seen, not heard!" and "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!" and other such silly phrases that serve to squash a child's true expression. So grateful for your perspective @saiku. Thanks for the response! Following you.
Thank you, returning the favor.
Very informative and interesting post! Great pictures! Thank you!
Thank you for your comment @bugavi. I hope to inspire with my engaged passion for children. I took these pictures in our sustainable community. Everyday I am blessed with joyous moments to capture. Grateful to share them with you.
a wonderful post
Thank you @doitvoluntarily. I appreciate your input.
If you plan on having a child. Plan on doing NOTHING else for the next decade at least other than taking care of him/her. I do NOT mean 'helicopter parenting'. I mean 24/7...you are THERE for them.
If every parent was so available, just imagine how much more stable, nurtured, secure, confident and capable children would be. Parenting is taken so lightly, when truly it is the most important "job" on the planet. What seems like child's play is actually the real work. I appreciate your comment @everittdmickey. It's refreshing to hear others place such great value on being a parent. Bless you!
You're welcome...I certainly did not expect THAT reaction.
It was a response!! I didn't really expect yours either!! Grateful to exchange with you @everittdmickey.
Well I'm closer to 70 than I am 60...I've seen quite a bit and talked to a LOT of folks from times gone by. If they were alive today they would be way past one hundred...in other words they were born in the eighteen hundreds..they were old when I talked to them half a century ago.
Observation, experience and conversation have provided me with some evidence from which I formed my own conclusions. The primary one is if you have kids then they are YOUR responsibility until you turn them loose on an unsuspecting society. No one elses..
So if you can't afford to raise em right..don't have any.
Sometimes hanging out with those who have been through many many decades or even a half of century or two have a greater perspective on what is important. What is important to a child and what holds true to be important in older age or at death are often very similar. Children will carry with them what we give them, so helping them build a strong foundation based on love is of great value. Invest in the children and it will pay off. It is up to us -- there is nothing more important to do!
A fool doesn't learn
A normal person learns from his experience.
A wise person learns from OTHERS experiences.
Bingo!!!!