If I Forget (Original Poem) - [Alzheimer's & Dementia Themed] - daily memento
Setting shadows with despair
The mind creeps away
Memories leave then repair
Never long to stay
History flows out of me
Happenstances that don’t happen
Mingling of deceptions be
A fog I am trapped in
Basic traits become blank
Reduced to a child-like state
Surely a cruel prank
Time loses me of late
It comes and goes
With no set rhythm
I barely remember my foes
Let alone loved ones with precision
Scary is not the word used here
Fear is now a way of life
Not ready to skid into the steer
Thankfully hasn’t pulled memory of my wife
Fighting the need for a new home
I don’t want to go there
Keep me with you, not alone
I need this life we share
Will I forget you?
How soon will life part before it all?
Just know I love you
Even if I forget it all
This Poem is dedicated to my Grandma who is losing her husband, my Grandpa to this disease.
This poem was spurred by a contest I read about and it reminding me of something I had seen on a social media site that was reminding me of a previous day many years ago.
This is the picture that spurred the memory.
I added the arrow in so you could see who I am referring to. That was a bit of a younger time for me and that is my Grandpa in the background. It came up as a memory in my feed and it made me think if that was one of the last pictures I had of him before all this started. However, I remembered that it wasn't. Although I didn't see my Grandparents that much or grab many pictures, I had taken another. It was about 2 1/2 years ago when we were visiting Canada, as we have been living all over the U.S. and a part of Europe since about 5 years ago. We had gone back for a visit and I wanted to see my Grandparents. So, with my husband and daughter in tow, we went to see them. It was a very nice visit and everything was great. I remember specifically at the time taking a picture of the two of them as well as with my daughter in the picture so that I would have some more memories for her, and for me.
This memory that popped up spurred me to look for it. I searched on my devices, my icloud backups, my dropbox backups, and nothing. I have only one more place that I can check later but I fear that I may not have it. I hope I do, but even so, that picture. That one picture that right now I cannot get my hands on, is the last one. Just about 6 months or so after that visit, it all started to happen. It happened fast and quick. He is suffering from Alzheimer's & Dementia, and currently, medicine is at least helping things stay where they are and not worse too much. I will admit I have not returned to visit yet. It takes a lot to happen for us to make those trips and it's not always a priority. But, I do talk to my Grandmother over email at least bi-weekly most times (can be more but I often forget to email back as I get so involved with things).
For some reason, I felt like writing this. I know she is going through a hard time, I know she feels alone, I know she has had to and continues to make so many sacrifices, and I know she has been losing her own vitality because of this all. It is hard to be told by Doctors that the man that you are married to, the husband that you have been with for so so long, is in most terms no longer the man you married, due to this illness. My Grandfather has been on a list to get put into a home for over a year and a half almost at this point, otherwise, he lives at home with my Grandmother who essentially takes care of him.
So, this is my memory. This is something I have shared but don't often talk about. My largest fear is that this whole situation will take her away sooner than it should've because of the stress, which is just not fair. She deserves to be happy, they both do. This whole thing is just ruining it all.
Anyways, I thought I would share this. I hope you enjoyed my poem and some information on me.
Let's hope things like this can go away one day, that we can find a cure so it stops tearing people away.
Do you know anyone who suffers from either of these illnesses?
Feel free to share anything you wish
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It is such a nasty Illness, my Mother had it as well and her last few years were so hard to see, her memory was all but gone she didnt recognize any of us kids, well the weird thing was she did recognize me about one out of three times when I visited but on and off and fleeting things from the long past
I hope you can find the photo, its a memory I so hope you can see again
This poem is very emotive and definitly touched my emotions, thanks so much for that and the memoties it has generated
Tip!
Thank you, I am glad in a way I could reach some emotions as I love writings that can do that. I am so sorry you also had to go through something similar but even worse as it was your own mother. Thank you so much for sharing that, it is not an easy thing to have to deal with by any means.
It is not a nice illness to watch but luckily my mum was in a home before it got to bad
Sending positive energy to your grand parents
Thank you for the vibes. That's the part that kills me. He should be in a home now and the doctors who treat him are surprised he's not but they are in Canada and on the list and have been for almost a year and a half and there is still no spot for him. Unfortunately that is taking its toll on my grandmother (and she knows it), and I fear a bit for her if more time continues to pass without the help he really needs as she suffers significantly by this. There is no win I tell you.
Ohh no 😒that is so tough my dad knew his health was failing and got them both into a care facility where mum would be in good care when he passed
He never let on to anyone how bad he was, he was that determined and positive man for sure
He also had money set aside Yo cover the cost of the facility
If I was half the man he was I would be happy
Hoping you grandparents can get into one quickly it’s to much for your grand mother
NOMNOMNOMMITY NOM
This was so heart wrenching. I don't personally know of people going through this illness but I have read about it and seen people online battle it and it is just so painful. I wish your grandpa good health and recovery (hope that happens) and lots of love for you and your grandma. <3
Thank you for your kind comments. This whole situation is sometimes surreal as my grandmother and I are quite close and we email back and forth all the time, it is tough sometimes reading what she tells me such as that she feels she has lost herself. My grandfather is the only one I know as well that has had this but I understand how terrible this disease can be now especially hearing it all from his wife (my grandma). thank you for your kind thoughts.
It is such a cruel illness, but thankfully nowadays modern medicine can prolong the forgetful stage so that no one is as likely to die from it as in the past like my Mom did. I'm so sorry for your pain and the pain of your grandmother while she waits for a place in the home for your grandpa.
My Mom was only 60 when she started with Dementia, and my Dad took care of her for 13 years. She spent another year in the Alzheimer's unit of a small hospital back in Scotland where she eventually died of the disease when her body had forgotten how to sit, stand, talk, eat, and finally breathe. Alzheimer's is not just about losing your memory.
Thankfully, your grandpa should be spared all that today with modern medicine. My Mom died in 2001 and it was too late for her to have any of the drugs that are so widely available today.
I hope you find that picture that means so much to you. And thanks for sharing your story.
Wow, I am so sad and sorry that your mother passed before the time of the available medicine, yes it certainly has helped at least with some of the memory issues. That is wonderful that he took care of her for 13 years even throughout that all, my Grandparents are in their early 80's and unfortunately, her being a caregiver to him has become more than I think wanted to handle, it has taken its toll on her and is continuing to do so.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and I hope that they both get some peace soon, in terms of her everyday life and living peacefully as she would like and him getting the help he does need. I do hope I come across the picture as well, I will keep looking. Thank you for sharing your experience as well.
My Dad would have been 79 when my Mom died at 74, so a bit younger than your grandparents too. My Dad is still living at 95!
Such a heartbreaking story and I feel for you and your family.
This illness is cruel in so many ways and I really wish they will find a cure.
To not remember your love once and be aware is a never ending pain state.
And for the family close its heart breaking to se
I also gets frustrated hearing about him not getting the help he deserves and need I hope that will change and that he will get the best care and miracle can happen so a wish for better health.
So sorry you have to go through this my dear friend 🤗 well written and must have been hard to share.
Thank you, sweetie. It was a bit tough especially since I sometimes feel guilty being so far away as I know she could use me. In all honesty, she does not have a ton of support from nearby family which has caused it to take even more of a toll. I do hope that a spot opens up and that he can get the help he needs and deserves even though I know he is fighting that thought, which I completely understand. But, she also needs help and this can't be on her as much as it is.
I am, however, very thankful that I have gotten a chance over the last 7-8 years to get really close with my Grandmother. I never knew I would get a relationship like this where we can just talk back and forth honestly and I love it. Thank you for your comment and your thoughts darling. I really appreciate them.
I understand that guilt and I think it's something we all struggles with in different ways, feeling we're not there enough, other things gets in the way.
But I'm sure they know and understand.
Sorry for your grandmother not having many around her, but I'm so glad to hear you two have gotten close and talk so much 😊 great feeling and means the world to you both I can guess.
Me and my grandmother made a photo album together, talked to every cousin and aunt and got everyone's one thing that defines them on their pictures, so whenever she feels lonely she just opens the album and looks at the pictures and the comments and texts about every one 🤗 really cool.
Thank you for sharing this and I will always be here for you, you know 😘
Loved the poem to, really emotional
Thank you, darling. I let the words flow out of me and it was a bit of an emotional release for me as well, I am glad that it came through in my words.
No need, thank You 😊 you sure did come through with your words dear 🤗
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