A silence of answers

I was reading @ericvancewalton's (excellent) post about...well, it's about a lot of things and you should really go over and read it yourself. Don't worry, I'll wait.

There you are.
So, you probably noticed he talks about meditation and it's a word so strangerly to me, so unfamiliar. And yet, reading through his post, I found it resonated within me so strongly, as if in that second, I knew exactly what he was talking about.
Now, I don't really think I do. After all, we each have different experiences. Some meditate while doing yoga, some just take 10 minutes each day with their eyes closed in bed, some...I don't know, truth is there are so many people and they're so different, there's about a million ways to do it.
But what I think remains familiar throughout is the feeling.

The first time I meditated I didn't really mean to. I was doing yoga for other reasons, like get in shape, lose non-existent fat, you know, all the reasons girls my age exercise for. And I was listening to the instructor's voice and she kept talking about breathing and clearing your head and I guess I was in a particularly exhausted moment because I did. I say this because I don't let go of my thoughts easily.
And yet, I found myself in this utter silence. In my head. It was so peaceful and still, as if everything that had been running up to that point has either stopped or disappeared entirely.

It was this amazing feeling of letting go. Now, I don't know if that's what others mean when they say meditation, but it's what I mean.

And I kept doing it, only during yoga at first, I would just go with the flow and when she said 'let go' or 'clear your head', I would. I'd just barge through the barriers and all the nagging little thoughts that demanded attention and I would reach quiet, every time, although it really seemed like I wouldn't. You know, when your thoughts get so loud that you feel like you need to get out of your own head? And that feeling of helplessness would run over me because obviously, you can't.

Or at least, I thought you can't, but apparently, you can. So much in our lives is about choice. Silence is a choice, as it turns out. Stillness is a choice. So is tranquillity.

You know, people say 'meditate' and think about thinking, they equate the two in their heads. But I don't think that's how it is. I'm not thinking. At least, not consciously, not like I normally think. I just create this complete silence in my head and it's like there's a different kind of thinking going on in that silence. Not with traditional thoughts, not with thoughts I can pinpoint. I can't tell you I was thinking about X, but I was thinking, in a weird way.

And it's great for relaxation, but it's also necessary. Those non-verbal thoughts (if that makes any sense) need to be thought out too. You need to set time to go through them, to allow the silence to take over. Because really, all this thinking...it sometimes feels like it's gonna take you to an early grave.

We have this tendency to get lost in our minds. We obsess over things and it feels like that's all there is. It's not. And meditating shows you that. Sometimes, you don't think too highly of yourself and then, meditating shows you that it's not quite so bad. Surely, if you were able to break from that thinking, even for half an hour, then it can't be that bad.

I'm beginning to get this whole yoga thing, although to be honest, I think it's possible with every sport. Because yoga is a sort of exercise for the brain,like a quick, very intense detox diet. It's healthy thinking, or at least it helps you toward healthy thinking.

Or at least it helps me.

'Cause I don't really know about you, do I?

Thank you for reading,