Embarrassment is a weed, and as any other weed, it grows until you dig up its roots because a simple weeding never gets a job done. Weeding is a Sisyphus work that is never done and we need to dig up the roots. Have you ever wondered what triggers your embarrassment and what those roots are?
LET'S DEFINE IT
Embarrassment is not an emotion, it is more of an emotional state in which we feel discomfort when we have done something that is socially unacceptable or someone witnessed something we did and revealed it to others. We usually feel that we lost our dignity or our honour and are exposed to criticism that will, as a result, have people thinking badly of us.
"Embarrassment is the feeling of discomfort experienced when some aspect of ourselves is, or threatens to be, witnessed by or otherwise revealed to others and we think that this revelation is likely to undermine the image of ourselves" Neel Burton M.D
Psychologists agree that embarrassment should not be confused with shame because those two are, in fact, pretty much completely different. Shame is felt when we alone know something and have a fear that others will too while embarrassment is when others are already aware of our actions. You could say that shame is brought from the inside, from us, and embarrassment from the outside, onto us.
ROOTS OF A WEED
We are all social butterflies, whether we care to admit it or not, and most of us want others to have a good opinion of us. We want to be loved and we want to be respected but with that, we are dependent on others. Our psychological well being is dependent on others.
"Given that embarrassment happens in relation to other people, it is a public emotion that makes you feel exposed, awkward, and filled with regret for whatever your wrongdoing happens to be" Mary C Lamia Ph.D.
Roots of embarrassment are our wishes and hopes that others will approve of us. We depend on other peoples opinion so much that we are capable of feeling bad when it's not to our liking. Why do we do that? Why do we let others make us feel small and inadequate? Why do we let our happiness be determined from the outside and why do we need approval as a means of valuing our self-worth?
STOP letting others influence your happiness!
DIG THOSE ROOTS UP AND BURN THEM
You are an amazing being, special and unique. You are a gift to this world and have lovely abilities. You are good enough. You are smart, beautiful, intelligent and strong enough. Your happiness does not have to rely on other peoples opinions. You have the power to dig those roots and burn them.
What other people think of you is none of your business.
Everybody has the right to their opinion, so do you and so does your pretty neighbour who you want to impress so badly. People have the right to love you and they have a right to hate you, but that is none of your business. You can not influence them. (well, actually there are some methods but we'll leave NLP for another post for now...) Your happiness should come from the inside, not from the outside, and if you think you are not able to do that, trust me, YOU ARE.
You have nothing to be embarrassed for. Your mistakes are your lessons learned, be thankful for them. You have nothing to fear from regarding other peoples thoughts, they are theirs, not yours. There will always be those who will approve of you and those who won't. Why not focus on the positive people who are encouraging you instead of those who are bringing you down? You will never be able to satisfy everyone. Choose to be happy, and choose to be proud of yourself.
All of the used images are under CC0 License and are free for personal and commercial use. You can find them at pexels.com
For more on the philosophy of happiness, follow the links to my previous posts:
Monsters are real but so are the heros
Why do we and how do we learn ANYTHING?
How to train your brain to be positive
Do you KNOW how to love and be loved?
What is the philosophy of HAPPINESS?
confidence and not caring what other people think is key
Your words are wise 💚
This is was a nice read. The fear of embarrassment actually keeps me from venturing into a lot of stuff I'd love to do. I never considered it a weed but it's, yet again, another fresh point of view from you. Thank you.
I totally get what you mean. There have been many activities/groups I've wanted to take part in but haven't found the confidence to actually do them because I'm worried I'll embarrass myself as the newcomer.
Smile on, chin up and go for it, you have nothing to fear ;)
Thanks to your post and a great podcast @ameliabartlett did over on her channel I decided it was time to stretch my comfort zone and make something I was for years too embarrassed to do- an Instagram account.
Yeeeeey!!!!! Go for it! I am happy you made the decision to step out of your comfort zone!
Today's people are conserved and can't accept others opinion or acts. Maybe they're just insecure about themselves so they find a relief in a vilification others making themselves "better". Thanks for bringing out those deeps feelings and emotions. It's something we have to talk about. Have a good day Petra - @tonac :D
Yeah, only a few people are in that healthy middle. Either they are conserved and shut out completely or they are dependant on the opinions of others. This is an interesting thing to talk about, I agree ;)
Just keep on spreading those positive vibes and make people happy with small things 😊
Even though we did some mistakes - big or small, do not let others use it to embarrass or use it to make us down. The mistakes are our's and it will always be ours. It's part of our learning experience in life. When you fail or fall, just dust yourself off and try to do better...:)
I couldn't agree more ;)
I've often felt embarrassed about lots of things I do; including many things that shouldn't be embarrassing at all! I believe a lot of it stems from the fact that I care too much about what I believe others will think about me.
It's silly because we're all human, but it's definitely something I need to work on. I'd love to be myself without worrying what others thought about my every word, action, mistake, appearance etc.
You have the power to love yourself without worrying about others and that power needs to be nurtured like a flower, watered daily ;) With each new day love yourself a bit more and think about other peoples opinion a bit less. It is a process but if you are persistent that process will reward you in ways you could not even imagine. 💚
STOP letting others influence your happiness! - quote of the day for me!Once again great post with a very strong message!
I am happy you liked it and that it made an impression on you. Thank you for your kind comment 💚
i have never look at it this way. (sigh)
thanks for this @zen-art 😊
learned something from this article.
I am glad you learned something. Thank you for stopping by ;)
you're welcome. 😊
So true we always seek social affirmation in whatever we do.
We do, don't we? We really shouldn't that often. Thanks for stopping by. 💚
This is a good post, I am glad you brought it up about the differences of embarrassment and shame being two completely different things, I think personally I have been way more embarrassed than felt shame in my life. Most of the time I embarrass myself, but I guess the way in which people use the word today sometimes is meant in the same context, you rarely hear about shame in english. Good post.
How can you embarrass yourself? How? What can you do that justifies feeling bad? Nothing, absolutely nothing. So just keep your smile on and learn from your little mistakes, and do not even call them mistakes, call them lessons. 💚
Shame and embarrassment have been well differentiated in the post. It is good to read about the roots of embarrassment the reason being that if you know how to weed out the roots you will have complete success. Good post!
Thanks @maxabit, nice to see you stop by. Weeding is a daily struggle ;)