Where does self-confidence come from?
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In US, there is a famous plastic surgeon, who is famous for his cosmetic surgery. Under his scalpel, many "ugly duckling" become beautiful "white swan." But strangely enough, almost every day, there will be someone who still feels that they are not good-looking, not confident, and feel that the surgery is ineffective. Even though standing on the objective side, their looks have become much prettier.
The plastic surgeon concludes that the beauty and ugliness of a person are not in the appearance, but how he/she perceives himself/herself.
I know a pretty girl who addicted to plastic surgery. She did eyelid surgery, Botox, rhinoplasty, bone reduction, and her whole face become stiff. Her face without makeup is too frightening, so she will only go out with makeup. I asked her why she likes plastic surgery? She said: "Because I think I am not good-looking." But in fact, she was already pretty before the surgery.
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A person that doesn't have self-confidence because of his/her appearance will also feel inferior because of lack of money, not smart enough and don’t know how to socialize.
Maybe a girl that doesn't look pretty, but is she has the confidence to get in relationship with men that have better living condition than her; Perhaps your colleagues are not better than you, but he can confidently accept the challenge; Maybe your classmate comes from a remote town, but can proudly talk about his hometown ...
But where does their confidence come from?
True self-confidence comes from unconditional acceptance. This means that you love your true self and recognize your value and existence.
Why do we have problems with our own acceptance? Try to recall back when you were young, think of your parents ' attitude when you got your test results.
Many parents from the previous generation believed in "frustration education", believing that praise will make the children arrogant, only reproach will stimulate the children to improve.
So, when you get second place, they will say, learn from the first place, and when you finally get to the first, they'll say, the next first place might not be you. And if you get a poor grade, they will start comparing with others:”Look at xxx, why he can get a good grade, but you can’t?”
When young, the rules from outside world, like an airtight transparent glass covering you. Your confusion is: I will never be good enough to meet their expectations. When you grow up, those rules will become part of your ego, so you'll always feel that you're not good enough.
And those children who have acquired unconditional love and acceptance in their native families will be receptive to their character and confident in the face of adulthood. You will find that even if things are bad, they are still confident that there will be a turnaround and they can control the situation.
When we were young, we couldn't choose our parents ' education channel. However, when you are an adult, self-confidence can still be rebuilt by the effort and practice.
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**First, re-establish the inner "parent-child" relationship.
Ask yourself, if you can go back to your childhood, what kind of relationship would you like to have with your parents? What kind of relationship do you have in your heart? If you want your parents and others to encourage you and recognize you, then encourage and acknowledge yourself in your heart.
For example, when you mess up something, try not to blame yourself at the first time. Tell yourself that it doesn't matter, people make mistakes. For example, when your friends bought a new big house that you like, try to tell yourself that you have your own life and life goals, that life is not a race, it's meaningless when you compare with others.
Learn to accept yourself, like your true self, and tell yourself: This is me, although imperfect, but unique.
Then, discover your strengths and expertise.
Everyone has something they are good at. You may never learn to be sociable, but you can write good articles that impress people. Maybe you will never play a complete song, but you can aplomb in the badminton court.
Since primary school, I was last in every sport; During dance class, my legs are uncoordinated, the action is very exaggerated; I will blush when I speak on stage. Those years I also grew up in inferiority, found a lot of things that I am not good at, but, my essays were often chosen as the model essay, and later I wrote a lot of influential essays.
Find your strengths and expertise, then focus on what you are good at, and make things better and more assertive.
You can also try the self-suggestive + positive action.
For example, when you are preparing a presentation, you can imply that you prepared very well, the customer will like my presentation; When talking with a stranger, you can also imply that they appreciate you, and you can boldly say your thoughts.
When a person is confident, he will do things better, performs better, and then get a positive response, then the self-confidence will be built up.
Act and give yourself the opportunity to make mistakes and grow. Only in the real depth of work, you will gain enlightenment and discipline, learn to adjust the direction after hitting the wall, your heart will become stronger.
The confident person is never must be good or perfect. True self-confidence comes from self-acceptance! From now on, love yourself, accept yourself, and deliberate practice so that you will become more and more confident.
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