Living alone- Challenges and Perks
On January 5th I moved to my new apartment and for the first time I was going to live alone! Was it easy? Let's jump right into it!
Unlike many of the "grown-ups" out there I am a person who doesn't really think her decisions through. I am not the greatest planner ever. I do tend to overthink, but about all the useless things. For example, OMG my throat is lumpy, shit do I have a tumor? I am paranoid like that. When it came to the decision of living alone it took me a second to decide "sure yeah, why the hell not!" Little did I know a storm was awaiting me.
I had never been a sort of an independent person i admit. I grew up being taken care of at all times and even when I moved to Berlin I ended up with people who like to take care of other people. After that I met @sjennon who always took care of the important things and so this was a fresh as hell experience. My first night in my apartment I cried my eyes out. I was missing my girl like hell and I was terrified out of my gourds thinking how on earth am I supposed to handle any of this.
I spent first week sleeping with all my lights on at all times. Yes I felt like a horrible person for exploiting our limited energy sources like an asshole. I did not know how to manage anything. I was always late to work, I was skipping breakfast. I cried at every little thing, every time I got a bill or a letter I freaked out. I did not know how to order stuff online, how to properly do laundry, I was basically all over the place; and then something happened.
One night I got incredibly sick, I got this unbelievable pain in my stomach. I started freaking out, did not know how to handle it. I thought I was going to die here alone and no one would know. But, enough was enough. I stood infront of my mirror and yelled at myself for a good 10 min and then told myself "who do you think is going to take care of you? Is it really other people's responsibility to keep you alive, to keep you happy? Why do you need to rely on the world for your happiness? As shannon says 'be your own paradise'!" I took my medicine, picked myself up, stood under a hot shower for 20 min, calmed myself down and before I knew the pain was gone. I never looked back.
Slowly, I realized all the perks of living alone:
- You can do literally anything you want with the place.
- You can play music all night long if you please.
- Roam around in your towel if you like.
- When you are stressed as hell you do not have to smile, just be grumpy as hell and throw things if you like.
- You do not need to clean your dishes right away, you can do the chores at your own pace.
- It gives you a sense of independence so strong that nothing stops you.
- It makes you fearless as hell (I now sleep with the lights off and nightmares do not scare me anymore.
- Loneliness does not seem as scary as it used to, I am happy in myself.
- It develops in you a new appreciation for your parents.
- You learn to trust yourself and your instincts. You learn that at the end it is all going to be okay.
Well, that's my experience, I'd like to know about yours!
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Written by @things, 2018. All rights reserved.
I kind of had the opposite experience. I lived alone for a while when I was in Sweden. At first I loved it. I'm pretty happy being on my own and I was in ecstasy over finally having my own space (piles of dirty dishes were a regular feature). My boyfriend at the time would come over pretty regularly so in the beginning I didn't feel totally isolated. However, as time went on, I realised that my natural tendency towards being a hermit was coming out more and more.
When I left Sweden, I moved into a flat in Graz with a lovely German girl, and although I expected it to be difficlt at first to have to share space and have someone else around all the time, actually it's been a hugely positive experience.
Maybe it's good for us as people to do the thing that opposes our natural tendencies. I'm naturally happy on my own and it's more of a challenge to live with someone, but I feel that it has a positive effect on me. And maybe the reverse is true for you. It's well-known that it's good to push yourself outside your comfort zone (within limits!). Good for you being able to calm yourself and get in control of the situation and focus on the positives - as you have done in your list. I bet you'll get far more out of the experience as a result.
I totally agree with you. I too think that it’s all about pushing your boundaries, experiencing things that are out of our comfort zones. It kind of makes you whole. Ypu explore everything and then you learn what works for you and what doesn’t. My mother says “A person should needs to learn to be content with a stone bed just as much as he or she would be with a bed made of flowers.” Like you need to learn to survive all kinds of situations.
I always hated that I had to leave you to a place of your own. But I also do think that it has been an amazing learning experience for you and learn how to not rely too much on a person. I think it is important that you too, know that you can handle your own stuff and take care of yourself, your nightmares, your sicknesses, your groceries!
I am proud of you that you finally sleep with the lights off, hehe. I miss you.
I did learn a lot and its actually growing on me now. I love that I can sleep with my lights off. If you could see me now you’d cry with pride and joy hehehe. I miss you too hon <3
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I lived alone for a while when I turned 18. It was sometimes a great experience because I was able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. But often I missed my family. When my sister came to see me I was the happiest because we are close in age and could have fun together and when she would leave I would get really sad. Over time however I got to become more settled and actually liked it most of the time. I moved from that city and into another one with my boyfriend and we have been living together since. I cannot imagine living alone now. I am not sure that we are really meant to be alone for long periods. What do you think?
I agree with you. There are moments when you really need your loved ones but they are not there, and once they come over it just makes everything better. Living alone simply teaches us how to be independent but at the end yes we are not meant to be alone. Humans are social animals you know. And as my mother says “for every person there is that one person meant for them”. I miss my gf everyday and there is nothing better than living with her. I’m happy for you <3
I agree with your comments totally and you sound like a really nice person. I am following you my dear. And also glad to hear about your journey and the things you get out of it. Keep up the great writing and also it must start with loving yourself and being comfortable with yourself or you can never do that with others. Have a wonderful day :)
Aaaw i know that feeling! I cry over small things too, only to pick myself up cos nobody’s gonna pick me up. Eventually i get use to the lonelines and in fact am enjoying all the time i have to myself. Staying alone will definitely give you more time to learn abt yourself. There are times when i think to myself “wow i never knew i would one day go grocery shopping alone but hey, i did it! I even can carry this heavy bag alone!” And every time i think like this, im so proud of myself. 😂
God I so agree with you. Once I was carrying two giant bags out of the supermarket and at the tram station I burst into tears and then I stopped crying coz my inner Bitch went like “wow you’re gonna cry aboit this now? Could you be more of a sissy?” And then I quietly carried that shit home and I was weirdly proud of myself :-)
Haha wow it‘s good to know that i‘m not the only one feeling that 😂
Congratulations on cracking the positives of being alone! I think the real trick is to be able to both share your life with some AND be able to be alone when you need to - being able to enjoy the positives of whichever state you find yourself in in the moment.
That’s exactly what it is about. Being able to just be stable on your own. I think only when you’re independent on your own that you can succeed in a relationship.