Thursday's With Uncle Boom #5

I was out riding with an old aquaintance Fenton Baggswatch. He had bought his lady wife along. A fine filly, face like a bag of spanners though. Afterward they suggested tea at the Gentlemans Club. How could I refuse?

Whilst we supped on bergamot tea and nibbled on quince tortes I told them of my new career in helping my fellow man on the good ship Steemit. Fenton was aghast.

You mean you just let any bloody twot chap you up in the derriere and don't charge a penny?

His wife too chimed in.

What if you find one hiding in a bush outside your house?

I assured them both that I was a) not being chapped up the derriere and that b) I did not expect to come across anyone hiding in a bush let alone outside my house.

Fenton was not entirely convinced.

Throw them in the stocks and stick a big fat shit in their mouth old fellow. That will sort them out.

I harrumphed, fellow had a point but in the 21st century not every problem can be solved by sticking a big fat shit in someones mouth.

Later I dialled up the interwebs and perused the chat rooms. Perhaps I was a modern day superhero? By day the British cane wielding gentleman and by night the compassionate adviser to the needy.

Well, let me see what has popped up in my box.

SpamFarmer1: May I interview you?

Uncle Boom: What! What the fuck for?

SpamFarmer1: So I can help out newcomers to steemit by passing on your wisdom.

Uncle Boom: Would you like me to strip you naked and ride you like a pony? Is that a wisdom? I suspect you think you can make a fast buck by riding on my coat tails and I will not have it!! Begone you spineless toad.

Next

SpamFarmer2: Please Sir, review my post, I need your advice on how I can improve my work. shitpostlink

Uncle Boom: Hmm, I normally don't do this but I am feeling particularly mellow tonight. I will have a look.

SpamFarmer2: Have you looked?

Uncle Boom: I most certainly did.

I am afraid it's shit.

SpamFarmer2: Can you upvote please?

Uncle Boom: Seriously? I most certainly will not. It's utter shit. Do you think to dupe me? Well I have only one recourse to that. You should know at this very moment I am unfastening my belt and preparing the rod of justice. Begone, before I smite thee!!

Phew, I don't mind telling you it can be exhausting being so compassionate with the advisements. I should probably wash.

If you need judged, empathetically of course, then please chap me up in the chat. And remember, anonymity assured because...