Domestic Violence - Know The Warning Signs
Break The Silence Against Domestic Violence!
Domestic violence is an important topic that many people don't like to discuss. Men and women all over the world get beaten behind the scenes and can't speak up out of fear of judgement or retaliation. The sound of a woman's scream gets muted out by neighbors because they just don't want to get involved. Many people in a domestic violent relationship spend a lot of time trying think of a believable lie for the bruises all over their body. They miss family events because makeup just doesn't hide the bruises anymore. Winter is over and long sleeves shirts just don't hide the bruises anymore.
It is so easy to tell someone in an abusive relationship to just leave, isn't it? Because it is that easy, right? Don't you think if it was that easy, more people would leave their abusive partner?People stay out of fear of retaliation. There are woman who get murdered because they tried to leave. About 4,000 women die each year due to domestic violence. There are women who get beaten worse than they ever have been because they try to leave. According to Domestic Abuse Shelter of the total domestic violence homicides, about 75% of the victims were killed as they attempted to leave the relationship or after the relationship had ended.
Is it worth the risk to have your life on the line if you leave? Maybe it is considering your life is on the line anyway....
I mostly say woman in this post but men get physically abused as well. 1 in 4 men have been victims of some form of physical violence. Some of them get abused because they have abused a woman for so long and she is tired of it, sometimes their partner does it for no reason at all. Domestic violence does not discriminate.
My relationship before the one I am in now was a violent one. I have been smacked, punched, kicked, choked, pushed, been thrown and dragged by my hair and so so much more. I have scars all over my body to remind me of the blood that was drawn due to domestic violence. It's okay though because I deserved it all, right? Or at least that is what victims of domestic violence are told.
A man or woman will leave the violent relationship only when they are ready. When the abuse can not be taken any longer and the risk of staying is finally far greater than the risk of leaving. They will leave when the children start to truly get involved, when children have to witness the abuse and listen to the screams. Domestic violence is never the answer. I'm all for standing up for yourself if someone hits you first but honestly, no man or woman should ever have a hand laid on them in an abusive way no matter what the situation is.
I want to break this domestic violence discussion up into three parts -
Part 1 - The Warning Signs
Part 2 - The Effects Of Domestic Violence On The Entire Family. (This will mainly be a discussion about the effects domestic violence has on children.)
Part 3 - How To Cope With Life After Abuse
Part 1- The Warning Signs
You're in a new relationship and you are just head over heels. The butterflies are fluttering in your stomach and your heart skips a beat everytime you see them. Shortly after you start dating, you begin getting questioned about every little thing. Why were you 3 minutes late clocking out of work? Is there really a need for any person of the opposite sex to be friends with you on Facebook? You smiled at that cashier, why?
They tell you that they love you so much. They are simply just afraid of losing you. No one else should have your attention in anyway because no one will ever love you or care about you more than them. You stay because they convinced you it was all out of love. They love you so much that it makes them a little crazy. Time goes on and you stayed with them because the jealousy was masked for love. You wanted to feel loved and god damnit if that wasn't what you got.
Months pass by and you get into your first real argument. The phone is snatched from your hand, thrown across the room and the screen is shattered . The fist gets punched through the wall and the candle gets smashed into a million pieces. Now you have a broken phone, a hole in the wall and tears flow down your face as you pick up the glass from the candle. Its okay though because they will tell you how sorry they are a million times. It's only because they love you...
You have started to see friends and family less and less as time goes on. It just isn't worth the hassle of dealing with your partner's negativity. At some point though you have got to get out of the house and interact with others. You go to lunch with a friend. You haven't seen them in so long and you get busy catching up. Your phone was in your pocket, 30 minutes into lunch...uh oh, you're in trouble. You see that you have 56 text messages and 23 missed phone calls. Wow, did someone die? Oh no, that is just your partner telling you that you must be out cheating because you didn't text back right away.
Your lunch is ruined and so is the few moments of peace you had. You get home and now you are being questioned by what seems like the FBI. Your body is checked over and your phone is searched. You didn't answer the phone so there is absolutely no way you were doing what you said. You just got grabbed and slammed up against the wall. You now have your first set of bruises, they look like fingerprints on both sides of your arms. You say you're going to leave but now your partner says that they will commit suicide because they can't live without you. You believe it and stay because you don't want them to die because of you.
This story isn't exactly my situation but it is a general story of how abuse starts, I want this discussion to be realistic so that people truly understand domestic violence and so that other victims can notice the signs and leave the abusive partner before they become another statistic.
The story shows warning signs in the beginning of an abusive relationship. This shows a few red flags to lookout for. This is the part that I want to tell all men and women in the entire world to leave the relationship if you see these red flags. Forgiving someone for a few may be okay but as you see in the story, it does get worse. Part 2 will show what it is like when you ignore the red flags. The next story in Part 2 will tell you all about the actual abuse.
Warning Signs -
- Jealousy
- Controlling
- Isolation
- Blames Others
- Easily Insulted
- Verbally Abusive
- Threats Of Violence
- Throwing Objects
An abusive person may not have every trait on the list and a non abusive person may have one of the traits. Use your better judgement and look at the bigger picture of your situation.
If you would like to talk to someone and see if your partner has abusive traits or if you are in an abusive relationship and need help escaping, please visit the domestic violence website or call at 1-800-799-7233 (1-800-787-3224 (TTY) En Español)
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Thank you for this post @magicalmoonlight, domestic violence is becoming rampant, yesterday i read of a story of a man who killed his wife and i was wondering but they were once in love. Today, when i got to the office, a colleague of mine was showing me a man caught on cctv slapping his girlfriend but she did not press any charges, this brings me to my questions, why will people see these signs and still chose to remain in that relationship and also what if there is no sign of abuse before marriage, i mean everything started after marriage.
It is very sad and scary. Even as a victim of domestic violence I still wonder how someone kills a person they once loved. I saw a story recently too maybe it was the same one, a man killed his wife and then himself because she filed for divorce. Its hard to understand why someone stays in that kind of relationship but it is strictly because of fear. I have heard of signs of abuse after marriage too and I just couldnt ever imagine that. Its got to be a horrible feeling.
Thank you for stopping by and reading my post.
Yes, i have heard of some saying they were scared, so i think it's because of fear like you said and also of what people will say.
Damnit @magicalmoonlight why you gotta bring me to tears. But no seriously as I'm typing out this comment my eyes are full of (who's cutting onions in here?).
Let me first off say although I don't know you personally, I do still care, and am so glad you were able to find your way out of your abusive relationship. The amount of strength it takes to do so, is something no one will fully understand unless they are in the situation, and I pray others will not have to understand that strength.
I'm so glad you also included men in this post. Often times they are forgotten. Due to the expectations men have to "be men", it oftentimes is so hard for them to even admit that they are in abusive relationships.
There are so many factors that come into play that lead to people finding themselves in and then staying for long periods of time in such relationships, that it's so easy for others to judge. And it's so important that those in such relationships see hope of escape in others stories. Your broken silence is so important and you are heard.
As a trans person I have seen so many of us in my community, just accept the abuse, because we feel like it's the best we can do. I am also the child of an abusive relationship. The cycle is real.
Much love to you, and you are heard
I hate it when people bring those darn onions to discussions. Thank you so much for your kind words. I still have a lot to learn but I hope I can help another person to end an abusive relationship before they get the worse part of it. You are right about men, they are mainly the sex to abuse but that does not mean they don't get abused. Men getting abused is very real and should always be discussed as well. You bring up an extremely important part about trans/bisexual/homosexual getting abused and it also being swept under the rug. It is never okay and I am so sorry that some people in your community feel that they need to accept it.
The cycle is very real! Part 2 will explain all about that and how it truly damages a child for the rest of their life
Is the fact that domestic violence is running rampant a reflection of today’s society? It seems we are moving a way from respect of others. Our society is less caring every day. We are losing touch with our neighbours.
It is so difficult for someone trapped in a violent relationship to leave. We urge anyone who sees the signs to reach out for help. If you are not being believed try a different someone or agency. Don’t think your partner will change. They will not.
You said it all so perfect @grandam. I don't even have anything to add to what you said. Thank you for your comment, it really helps to show someone that they should listen to the warning signs and if they miss them they need to find a way to leave.
It is a topic that needs to be talked about. There should be no need to feel trapped by circumstances, I know it happens, and the early warning signs need to be recognized. Very good start to the series.
Thank you! It is very important for people to realize the warning signs.