Lost.
Now, I'm sure we've all felt lost at some point, but think about this for a minute.
Have you ever felt truly lost? As if you were walking this very earth without a purpose? Without any idea as to why you're here, what you should do, where you should go, why you should even go there, how going there will truly even affect this reality, or if you even care to be here?
For most of my life, I've walked the earth without a clue.
What do I do?
Why do I do it?
What's the point?
How does it truly matter?
How do I decide?
These are questions that plague my mind, constantly.
It seems that no amount of trying to figure things out, does any good.
I still feel as though I'm wandering this world, aimlessly, pointlessly, as in my mind, none of this reality we've all come to understand... truly matters.
What's next?
No one truly knows.
We all have beliefs and some of us choose faith in something spoken and written.
Others choose to believe there's nothing.
Yet others still, believe we come back, or have many lives.
The point is, once you're gone from here, you don't come back.
At least not in the conventional method of: Tell the world what comes after death, certainly, definitely.
What makes me feel the most lost, is that I am a person of very strong will, of determination, ambition, drive, and passion. Above all else, I do things for a reason, not just to do them. I make decisions and take action based upon guidelines I have defined for myself, through experience and research, and I make those decisions and actions with intent.
When you are left with these universal, existential questions, such as, "Why are we here?" It leaves massive holes in your very logic, your very being. It makes the very definition of you and how you operate... unknown... As in, "If this is why I am here, then this is the action I will take in my life." Yet, the "This is why I am here." part is left out. A part of the equation you are determined, with all your being, to know for certain, unquestionably and undeniably, is not there.
A key part to your existence and your will to exist. Gone. Unable to be found. Error 404'd.
My problem is that I cannot just accept and move past the idea that I do not know why I am here, as that reason, in my mind, is the very reason I should or should not do any given thing in this reality I am placed in. Some people can, and do, but that just is not how I was designed/built/came from chaos to be.
I need answers and without them, I am broken.
Just some thoughts I've had, essentially my whole life.
Any thoughts of your own to add on this matter?
Wow @lookplz! What a thought provoking post!! I've read through the comments as well as see that you've hit a nerve with more than a few people; @simplymike and @warpedpoetic :)
I used to feel like this all the time, especially when I was younger. I decided at some point in my 20's to stop spending so much of my energies on the "why" and focus instead on what paths were available to me. I literally fell into teaching as a career, not by choice but by practicalities (which totally went against the way I normally would react!!), but eventually realized that it was the most rewarding thing I'd ever done in my life (even though I hated it in the beginning :) I managed to literally change kids' lives, and my own in the process too. Had I stopped to really examine my choice in the beginning, and focus on why I was doing it, I never ever ever would have taken that step.
I saw so many of my senior students especially, fighting with the same conundrums ... why why why, and although it's great to question everything (something I always encouraged), sometimes it's also great to take a leap of faith (and I'm not talking religiously there either). It's sounds so cliche, but it's true: sometimes when walking one path, so many others open up to you and they never would have come into your line of sight if you'd never taken that first one.
I'm 53 now and can tell you that life in my oh so humble opinion, is not meant to be planned out ... which I know seems to go against everything we're ever taught. I never did answer the question, "what do I want to do with my life?", but I've done a whole bunch of different things (ex/ took a leave from teaching and owned and operated a restaurant for a year, because it was something I always wanted to do). Maybe we're not supposed to ever do just one thing and be satisfied. Maybe we're supposed to taste all this amazing world has to offer and trust that at the end of the line, we'll be satisfied with what we've done.
What I do know is that on our death beds, we'll never think, oh, I should have worked more :)
Judging from the length of my response, I'd say you touched a nerve with me too haha
OH, thank you to @simplymike for featuring your post in her Pay it Forward Curation Contest entry :)
For some reason, I knew it would resonate with you 😉
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Ditto :)
😉
I came across your post from @simplymike's blog. The words you have written here are the text of how I have felt all of my life. I have let life take me where it will because each time I try to rouse myself to take the helm and decide a course, the questions come; to what purpose? At the end is it not death? What is the point of ambition when it can never be truly fulfilled? Why bother to get up?
You have put words to the questions that have plagued me for years. As I type this, I still do not know what I want to do with my life. I still do not know the kind of man I want to be. It is tiresome sometimes, when one is asked, as my mom tends to do; what do you want to do? and one has no ready answer.
Maybe there are some of us who are meant to roam, watch the world revolve, never settle, never dig roots. I don't know.
You write really good. Welcome to steemit.
I am glad that you are able to relate! I feel that many can and that talking about it, ideas, thoughts, beliefs, ways of thinking, etc... will help us all to grow and shape our own opinions about things.
I guess I'm right there in the same boat with you. I've let life take what course it will and simply acted and reacted to any given scenario, how I felt I should have. In that aspect, we are quite similar. What more can we really do though? When life is chaotic and can and will go in any given direction at any given time? All we can do is react to what life throws at us, how we are designed to believe is correct!
It can definitely be tiresome, I agree. There have been times where I've felt defeated, maybe even depressed, about it. There's been times where I've just wanted life to end, not due to hating it, but due to the curiosity of "What really comes next?! I know what this life has to offer!" Obviously I am not suicidal in any form, or I would have probably decided to find out first-hand... Thankfully that is the case. Although I may not know my purpose or what the point in life is certainly, I do still believe that it IS worth living. Even walking the earth lost, I do think that life has value, that if we were not meant to be here, we wouldn't be, yet, we are here, so it must be meant to be that we exist.
I honestly am starting to believe this more and more each day. That I was meant to roam the Earth (and hopefully other planets one day!) as a "lost soul," never knowing where I should be or what I should be doing, but doing what I feel is right in any given situation, going where life takes me through the things that happen to me and how I react to them.
None of us know, but it doesn't hurt to talk about it. :)
At the very least it seems that talking about it makes it more acceptable and bearable, for me anyhow.
I appreciate that! Glad to be here! Hoping I can relate to others and inspire thought provoking conversation and interaction. Seems like my wishes are already being fulfilled, as here we are, discussing existential questions and sharing our ideas and perspectives about them. :)
You have said so much of what I would have loved to say if I had thought towards that direction.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You have told me that I am not weird, that what and how I feel is not unique to me. That is a relief, I tell you. I can continue my journey knowing that somewhere another soul roams.
You're definitely not weird! I mean... what does weird even constitute these days? Ya know? :P I think there's a lot of topics that people don't openly discuss, that they should, that sometimes they feel oddly about or as if people will judge them for it... and that shouldn't be the case. Talking about just about anything should be a non-judgmental, open discussion. Through words and wisdom, we all grow as people. There are many wandering souls on this planet. Being able to connect with others who wander as we so do, is wonderful. :)
Glad to have met you and look forward to your input on my future posts! I also noticed that you like to write poetry/stories, so I will definitely be checking out your blog more! :) I love to see what comes from the minds of individuals that are not myself, because I know how I think and feel about things, intimately, but to understand and relate to others on a real level? That is some powerful stuff!
Oh I'll be reading you too. I need to add you up on ginabot notification so I can get notified when you post. I would love to read your thoughts.
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Wow, discord seems to be a major player here in being a part of the community. This is now the 3rd discord group mention I've seen! Later on, I will definitely be creating one and joining these communities in their discussions! Thank you for the share and the invite to your group! :)
That's what I do... and what "we" do, at the @steemterminal
This post has received a 3.13 % upvote from @drotto thanks to: @curationkiwi.
Maybe you're here to know yourself, that's what I like to think.
I've considered that. Maybe we are here to learn about ourselves, others, ideas, etc...
It could be! It would make sense that we are so naturally curious about the world, if this were the case. :P
@lookplz
Many thoughts... actually, something I have tried to create... #thoughtfuldailypost
I have followed you from your response on my @steembasicincome interview with @tattoodjay...
You have some powerful and meaningful words my friend.... let me just take a moment of your time... Not only am I a Writer for the @steembasicincome group, but also a Moderator for the @steemterminal Discord Group... a place where new Steemians can come and learn about the blockchain, meet other new as well as current and older Steemians. There is a plethora of information to be had there... anyway... to help get you going, I have sponsored you with one share of SBI, and will leave you a "free ride" to the Steem Terminal... just hop on this magic UFO... hope to see you there :)
Thank you so much for your sponsorship into the SBI initiative! It means a lot to me! :)
I appreciate the follow as well and you taking the time to try and help me out being that I'm new here and all. Thank you very much! :)
I will have to make a discord it seems, to be able to join you guys, but I don't see why I wouldn't. I'll have to check into that later after I'm done with my errands today!
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Great post @lookplz
This is the greatest aspect of life - that it has no meaning to it and there is no need for it to have a meaning. - Sadhguru
For me, the desire for a purpose in life is the problem.....it becomes this trap that we get stuck in and round and round we go never getting out.
I had similar questions at one point, I strongly recommend you watch this video. It really helped me understand and is by far one of the best I've watched personally.