I came across your post from @simplymike's blog. The words you have written here are the text of how I have felt all of my life. I have let life take me where it will because each time I try to rouse myself to take the helm and decide a course, the questions come; to what purpose? At the end is it not death? What is the point of ambition when it can never be truly fulfilled? Why bother to get up?
You have put words to the questions that have plagued me for years. As I type this, I still do not know what I want to do with my life. I still do not know the kind of man I want to be. It is tiresome sometimes, when one is asked, as my mom tends to do; what do you want to do? and one has no ready answer.
Maybe there are some of us who are meant to roam, watch the world revolve, never settle, never dig roots. I don't know.
You write really good. Welcome to steemit.
I am glad that you are able to relate! I feel that many can and that talking about it, ideas, thoughts, beliefs, ways of thinking, etc... will help us all to grow and shape our own opinions about things.
I guess I'm right there in the same boat with you. I've let life take what course it will and simply acted and reacted to any given scenario, how I felt I should have. In that aspect, we are quite similar. What more can we really do though? When life is chaotic and can and will go in any given direction at any given time? All we can do is react to what life throws at us, how we are designed to believe is correct!
It can definitely be tiresome, I agree. There have been times where I've felt defeated, maybe even depressed, about it. There's been times where I've just wanted life to end, not due to hating it, but due to the curiosity of "What really comes next?! I know what this life has to offer!" Obviously I am not suicidal in any form, or I would have probably decided to find out first-hand... Thankfully that is the case. Although I may not know my purpose or what the point in life is certainly, I do still believe that it IS worth living. Even walking the earth lost, I do think that life has value, that if we were not meant to be here, we wouldn't be, yet, we are here, so it must be meant to be that we exist.
I honestly am starting to believe this more and more each day. That I was meant to roam the Earth (and hopefully other planets one day!) as a "lost soul," never knowing where I should be or what I should be doing, but doing what I feel is right in any given situation, going where life takes me through the things that happen to me and how I react to them.
None of us know, but it doesn't hurt to talk about it. :)
At the very least it seems that talking about it makes it more acceptable and bearable, for me anyhow.
I appreciate that! Glad to be here! Hoping I can relate to others and inspire thought provoking conversation and interaction. Seems like my wishes are already being fulfilled, as here we are, discussing existential questions and sharing our ideas and perspectives about them. :)
You have said so much of what I would have loved to say if I had thought towards that direction.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You have told me that I am not weird, that what and how I feel is not unique to me. That is a relief, I tell you. I can continue my journey knowing that somewhere another soul roams.
You're definitely not weird! I mean... what does weird even constitute these days? Ya know? :P I think there's a lot of topics that people don't openly discuss, that they should, that sometimes they feel oddly about or as if people will judge them for it... and that shouldn't be the case. Talking about just about anything should be a non-judgmental, open discussion. Through words and wisdom, we all grow as people. There are many wandering souls on this planet. Being able to connect with others who wander as we so do, is wonderful. :)
Glad to have met you and look forward to your input on my future posts! I also noticed that you like to write poetry/stories, so I will definitely be checking out your blog more! :) I love to see what comes from the minds of individuals that are not myself, because I know how I think and feel about things, intimately, but to understand and relate to others on a real level? That is some powerful stuff!
Oh I'll be reading you too. I need to add you up on ginabot notification so I can get notified when you post. I would love to read your thoughts.