The No-Bones-Just-Stuff Ninja of the Night
It was 3am.
I padded barefoot downstairs, bleary eyed and thirsty, my sights set on a cool glass of water.
My toes curled at the coldness of the wooden floor and I was reminded that my super soft, warm slippers were down here as well, waiting for me in the doorway of the dining room.
This is when it happened.
I took the sharp left that would take me into the dining room. I flicked on the light.
My slippers were right in front of me.
I was so close....
As my foot came in at speed, and at the perfect angle to slip right into my slippers, my whole body suddenly sprang to life with a burst of 6th sense acuity.
I jerked my head down.
And zeroed in on the spot where my foot would land like the Terminator locking on his target.
There it was.
Cold, slimy, wet, plump and juicy...
Wait, scratch juicy.
There, sprawling in my beautiful soft slipper, was the longest, fattest slug I have ever seen in my life.
A browny, black lump of no-bones-just-stuff practically bathing in the scent of my feet.
He looked at me.
No, he didn't just look at me. He smirked at me.
He kinda propped himself up on his elbows, or at least, where his elbows would be if he had any, as if to say,
Hey girl. Why don't you go ahead and put your slipper on?
Do it, I dare you.... I double dare you
My foot screeched to a halt, coming to a stop just at the point of connection.
In this millisecond, Slugdude had the advantage, and he took it, transferring slime and coldness to the ball of my foot like he was giving me a sarcastic high five.
I recoiled in horror, stumbling backwards in retreat until my back was against the wall. I began to shudder uncontrollably and cried out the only appropriate word in a situation like this:
Slugdude looked calmly on.
Yeah that's right. That's my M*****F**** name, honey. Say. My. Name.
Then, with disgust, he dismissed me and started to move on.
Like a slime-faced, cold-hearted ninja of the night.
My life will never be the same.
Bless you giphy.com
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