Into Me I See (Spoiler Alert: This is a Birthday Post)

in #life2 years ago

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages... It's that time of the year once again to celebrate one of most venerated days of all of history (and herstory). A day where the heavens parted and a choir of angels (or a harem of virgins, or your past and future selves, or simply nothing, it all depends on your belief system) sang a most glorious hymn. A day like no other, a day where all of creation aligned. I'm talking about the day of my birth, of course! For the thirtieth time! That's right folks, the big THREE-OH. No longer do I have milk in my lips. No, sir. We're not bathing tonight. It's dirty 30, after all!

Last year, I dedicated my birthday post to being grateful. While nothing has changed, and I'm still super thankful to everyone I've mentioned before and more (I wouldn't be here without any of them, after all), I wanted to take this opportunity to be selfish for a bit and assess my quarter life so far. Hence the title. So come along and take a peek!


Just a disclaimer for people who don't know me prior to this post. I really don't like to look at myself, contrary to what the cover photo would lead you to believe. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I hate looking at myself or pictures of myself. Prior to taking these selfies, the last time I've looked at myself in the mirror was two weeks ago. Are you convinced yet?

I'm stalling because I'm actually lost for words. I wanted to distract you all with the absurd photo because I really want to try and avoid getting too serious about everything. Admittedly, I didn't realize how big of a milestone reaching 30 is until I started writing this. Even now I still can't wrap my head around it.

I'm 30.

That's surreal.

I've spent that long living on this planet. It's not that I didn't think I would last this long. Heck, at a lot of points in my life I thought I would live forever, so 30 years is nothing. It's just that I feel like day by day I'm losing any excuse to not get my life together. And, that's scary.

This past year was by far the most challenging for me. To say that a lot of things happened in my life is an understatement. I got married to the love of my life, I've driven more miles than I've ever driven my whole life, I've made plans that didn't pan out, I put myself out there and came up with nothing. All of those are connected and disconnected with each other, by the way.

Comparatively, this past year should've been a piece of cake. I mean, in the past, I have almost been expelled because of a weird accusation, I've almost been kicked out of college because I was flunking left and right, I've been rejected romantically and professionally, fired unceremoniously, exiled from friend groups, you name it. But, all of those happened before this past year.

This past year was a different kind of monster. A slow burn that refused to let up. Everytime I tried to fight it, it only kept coming at me harder. It was late in the game, but I realized that the only way to deal with it was to embrace. Accept that you and the beast are one and the same.

When I was 20, I imagined my life at 30 as this jetsetting maverick, dropping millions like it was spare change. It was an idealistic dream, I know, but that was a goal I had a decade ago. The guy who would be skydiving for breakfast, influencing an entire industry for lunch and solving world hunger for dinner. Believe it or not, the funny thing was, for a time, I was on track.

Until I wasn't, and it all snowballed.

Then I became angry. No matter how hard I tried, the world didn't bend to my will. I worked myself to the bone trying to get back to my supposed track.

Until I gave up.

Then I became depressed. I felt like my life was directionless, and I just didn't give a damn anymore. Over the years, I vacillated between hope and exhaustion.

Until I didn't, and accepted that things won't always go my way.

Then I became happy. A lot of people helped me with that, but in the end it was up to me.

If you asked me then if I would be happy if at 30 my life would be like this, I wouldn't have a solid answer for you. But, now I do.

For the past three weeks, I haven't been able to go near my wife because she has been irradiated on account of her thyroid acting up. It must be the lack of contact talking, but it made me realize a lot of stuff that I want to ingrain in myself moving forward.


Those little passing moments, the minor details. Don't let anything slip you by. We may not have control of everything that goes on in our lives, but we have control over how we process it. If there's anything this whole decade of ups and downs have taught, it would be to not let anything slip you by. I can't stress that enough.

All those silly little arguments, all the negativity, they're just a waste of time and energy. Being apart gave me a renewed appreciation for what we have. Instead of wasting it all on petty things, we should nurturing what's important to us. It's not just in my romantic relationship, the same sentiment could be applied to family, friends and even material objects. That's something I would continually try to work on moving forward, and I thought I should share because I don't want anyone else taking anything for granted as well.

As to why I've entitled this the way I did, besides not being able to be intimate with my wife for many weeks as I was writing this, I wanted to take this opportunity to let my guard down and give everyone an intimate look at how my life has been. It's not everyday that I force myself to be vulnerable, so I hope you forgive me for this. It's my birthday after all.

This is the first of a two-part Birthday series of posts (and coincidentally my 250th post, so yay). Like last year, I'm out and won't be able to respond to your comments for a few days. This is a scheduled post, so I aplogize for the delay in my replies. My wife and I are actually heading to Cagayan de Oro and Camiguin, so if there are any Steemians who live there, hit me up! :D

Help keep @lukestokes.mhth as a top STEEM witness. Vote now! :D

Join me in my Year of Resilience!


Dirty thirty!!! Congrats!!! Get in!! Now, and especially with your grandfather mortgage you can truly start to effect change upon the world.

The first thing will obviously taking your throne.

I await the second part eagerly!!

Being thirty is way better than being in your twenties! know it's only been a few days, but I couldn't imagine why people would lie about their age and say they're in their twenties! My twenties went by like a blur, and not the good kind! I can't wait to conquer the world, Boom-erang!

The world is now yours to do with as you please!!!

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Hold the phone!

Are you holding it yet?

Do you mean to tell me that I have just finished off paying my mortgage and am now the full owner of the world!?


I get you didn't realise it was that kind of mortgage.

Well what do you know! Slap my tuchis and call me a monkey's uncle! I guess I own the world. Hot diggity! This calls for a toast of some bubbly!

Crack the bottles open!! The first of many!! This is your life from now on in!!!

And as such, I vow to be a benevolent ruler. Just as long as I get my chicken wings.

I'll take my third opportunity to say HAPPPYYY Birthday! Looking forward to trip pics!

And bro, you are a cutie, tell that mirror I said so!!

Third time's the charm! Thanks, SIS-ero! I'm sure the trip pics are looking forward to you too!

I did tell that to the mirror, and it said it right back. So, I guess it's true!

Happy birthiversary! Mini quarter life epiphanies are much better than crises, they're the things that (usually) make you a better and more interesting person :D

I think a lot of us knew when we were in high school that we were totally going to be rich and famous and solving the world's problems when we hit 30 and would definitely retire shortly after that to live a life of leisure and luxury. I think a lot more of us were disappointed too XD

We can still change the world anyway, evenif it's just one person's world :)

Hope the irradiation helps and the thyroids settle down so you can catch up on some good quality time!

Thanks, mate-ivity! I really like the perspective you have there! Much better to focus on changing what we can indeed.

We caught up. Like, a lot a lot haha! Still reeling from exhaustion that's why I haven't been able to post about the trip haha!

Hello my friend it's totally been a while, I've hardly been here, so many health issues with me.
Well I'll say congratulations you're 30 first all it's a milestone, despite the undoings and the areas you've fallen short. To be able to even add humor makes it even more brilliant.

I'm just 24 though but I wonder what it will be like being 30, I tell you my life has been terrible a lot of things has happened and want to make me quit has happened to me, but what do I know? In the end I'm a fighter, sorry I ended up talking about me.

Happy birthday buddy, cheers then and tell me we'd be having a party please. 😁😁😁

Sorry I haven't been able to check in, buddy. I've been very busy with life, and have alotted only a limited amount of time for Steeming. Sorry to hear about your health issues, I hope you're feeling a lot better.

24? Man, you've got a lot of miles ahead of you. You're so lucky that Steemit is available this early in your life. When I was 24, Android OS was just in its infancy and the whole smartphone craze hasn't hit highs yet. Funny how time flies so quickly! Don't think that your life is at its end, you're only beginning. What happens moving forward is all up to you. Believe me when I say that I know you have the capacity to do great things, so keep your chin up.

Thanks for the greeting, bud!

Hahahaha well I feel pretty old being 24 you know I guess it's the responsibilities that came with it, well I guess I'm lucky lol truth is I'll be dreaming of being that age too, with a beautiful woman as well hahahaha.

Cheers bud I hope you had a party?

You will be! Believe that, brother. Focus on that and make that a reality!

We had a couples trip/getaway/mini honeymoon so the party was postponed to a later date haha sorry about that!

Well that's pretty cool on your side, it's actually my birth month this September I'll be turning 25 on September 22 lol spoilers alert!

Woohoo! Welcome to the quarter life, bud!

Well hahahaha I was hoping you'd do another comedy open mic entry this week, that first time you did? it was awesome lol

Haha I think I'm tapped out of comedy for the meantime. I usually don't do consecutive contests. I'm glad the first one turned out so well though! That really made me rethink whether I should take the plunge once again.

Happy birthday Jed! Welcome to the 30(+) club :) It is tough but you can still live with that :D All the best from the Czech Republic!

Thanks, Petr! It's only been a few days, but my thirties is going way better than my whole twenties haha!

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